Love, Life and Loss

They say a cat has seven (or maybe nine) lives. I think mine had many more. But to me even those weren’t enough. Seventeen years together, she was more than the pet cat. She was my support, my pick-me-up when I was upset or depressed; she was the light in my darkness.  The one who talked to me when no one else would. My friend. My saviour. My soulmate. I love her more than life itself. We grew up together and honestly she taught me more than any person ever could. She taught me how to fight for what you want. How to insist if you know you’re right. How to dare and go further than anyone even thinks you can. How to love unconditionally. How to develop a sixth sense, the ability to perceive things without needing words to describe them. She taught me how to be a cat, and like the Aristocats say “Everybody wants to be a cat”.

She was the first one I looked for when I got up in the morning and the last before I went to bed at night. The one I sought when preparing meals and then during them. The one I wanted to see first when entering the house and last when I left. She was the main reason my house was a home. Because that was where my heart was.

Now I can’t say goodbye. I don’t want to. I know that she left peacefully and she lived her life to the fullest. But how do I go on without her?  Without the one that could sense my mood before I said anything. That could soothe me by just crawling up beside me. I don’t want it to be goodbye because I know I will see her again. She will forever be with me. I am certain of that. So I would settle for an au revoir. I already miss her so much. I hear the slightest noise and turn hoping to see her. The house seems so quiet and empty without her.

One thing is for sure though; nothing can erase the beautiful memories we have together. And I wouldn’t change any moment of having a pet in the house. Especially if it was the best pet in the world. Nothing can describe how wonderful it is to have a cat that greets you at the door, joins you when you sit for a meal, miaows at you through the phone or the webcam when you’re away and snuggles up with you in bed when you’re feeling lonely and upset. She got me through so many rough times that I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am. How honoured that I shared perhaps the most important and influential years of my life with her. And how blessed I feel for being part of her extraordinary life.

Cats are unique in that they are never owned by anyone. Rather they own you. Perhaps that is why now I feel so lost, as if my entire world has been shattered. And so terribly inconsolable. Everything reminds me of her. So how can I go on without her in my life?

Alfred Lord Tennyson had said that “’tis better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all”. I did not lose. That I know for certain. Neither of us did. Our lives were intertwined and enriched with each other. She will never be gone. Not from my heart or from my life. No. Because family is forever.

26 October 2012

 

 

Also part of Daily Prompt: On Bees and Efs

Also part of Daily Prompt: Something So Strong           

Also part of Daily Prompt: Born to Be With You

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