The problem with us humans is that we tend to fret too much about too many things, many of which may not even matter. Look up “fret”: it means “to feel or express worry, annoyance, discontent or torment” but also “to cause corrosion, wear away”. It is obvious that when we fret too much, we cause damage to our own selves.
But even if we know it and we acknowledge the fact that this is what we do, often we don’t do much to alter it. Human nature is difficult to change. And when there are certain things that bother you, to the extent that they eat you inside, the simple realisation of what is happening will not save you.
Admittedly fretting about things that either make us anxious, agitated, upset or angry won’t really cause a spontaneous change that will turn everything positive. Sometimes we need a helping hand. People who understand us enough to comprehend why it is we fret so much over issues that may seem insignificant, and who care enough to act with us and to ensure that we won’t have a reason to fret.
Even Arthur Conan Doyle said it: “Above all, do not fret until you know that you really have a cause for it”. And when you have a cause, try with all your might to eliminate it.
Also part of Daily Prompt: Fret
Take a deep breath. Slowly. Inhale and feel the air enter your lungs and fill your insides. Close your eyes. Now exhale. Free your mind of your thoughts. Allow yourself to be conscious of what you’re doing: you’re not just breathing. You are being alive.
Now do something more. Don’t just exist. Try to live.
You don’t need to worry so much about everything. Life has a way of making everything work out. Some way or another everything will fall into place.
And remember, smile. It’s the prettiest thing you can wear, and it’s contagious.
You’ll always be hit by negativity – from the people surrounding you to events that affect you. But you need to train your mind to see the positive behind it all, or rather despite it all. Don’t allow a little negativity to stop you from seeing all the good that’s around you.
Happiness, they say, comes from inside you. You just need to find the motive to bring it out.
It’s all a matter of choice. Just like the quality of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.
Believe that better things are coming.
Everything will be all right.
“Do you remember what it was like the first time you got on a roller-coaster? The excitement you felt when standing in line, the thrill that engulfed you as you took your seat, the adrenaline rush, the fear and the nausea, and the pleasant relief at the end? Life is like that. Like a roller-coaster. Love is like that too. In time you learn to become stronger and wiser. But that does not mean you stop loving. Or living”.
Grandma May always had a way with words. Her voice was as soothing as a hot cup of chamomile tea. And she always knew exactly what to say at precisely the right moment. Tricia could think of no other person to turn to whenever she needed a word of advice, a shoulder to cry on, or simply a hug.
Ever since she was a young child, she would run to Grandma May whenever she scraped her knees and needed consolation, whenever she would fight with her parents for some reason or other, whenever she felt betrayed by her friends, and, above all, whenever she experienced a heartache. The latter was Grandma May’s specialty. It was not everyone who could mend a broken heart. But Grandma May knew all too well what it felt like, enough to be able to convince even the most heartbroken of creatures that they will survive. She never told Tricia what she herself had gone through in life. Even when she outright asked, Tricia would never get a clear response, only some sort of wise-person talk, like something Yoda from Star Wars would say.
“How can you be so sure that a love like that will come again? What if that was it? If you had your chance and you missed it? Where will I ever find someone who loves me as much? Who will care for me so? Who will I find to match with so perfectly?”
Tricia was firing out questions as if her torso was a machine gun that had been kept silent for too long. Tears were rolling down her cheeks as she lay in Grandma May’s arms and wondered how life can go on after such intense pain.
Grandma May had brought tissues, tea, cookies and a blanket. And she decided to tell her a story.
“A long time ago, when there were enough women and men to form communities, the first heartache appeared. For now, people were free to choose who they wanted their partner to be. When a pair was formed it was usually for life. But on rare occasions, the couple split. They simply decided they could not continue on the same path together because their thoughts were heading on two different trains. I know you’re probably wondering what these prehistoric people were thinking about, but I’ll have you know that ever since our hearts began to beat, our minds began to think. The couple who split up ran to their own families and asked exactly the same questions you do now. It is natural. Everyone does. It is part of the process. The wisest man in the village – he also happened to be the eldest – took each aside on separate occasions and told them this: In our lives, we all must pass through different stages in order to grow. Just as we go through extreme jubilation when we are happy, we also go through severe depression when we are sad. But our minds and bodies have developed their own mechanism to deal with these roller-coasters. It is something you may know as the Kübler-Ross model, or more simply the five stages of grief. It consists of the stages we go through in order to, in a sense, mourn for a period of our lives that has passed. In these five stages we go through denial (refusing to accept that this phase in our lives is over); anger (at everything and everyone for having led to this); bargaining (in an attempt to make things right if something else where to be done or if we tried harder); depression (because you begin to realize that you have to go on alone, no matter how much you may miss your previous life phase); and acceptance (when you truly acknowledge the fact that life goes on and you must rejoice the memories and become stronger through the experience). It is our process for recovering, becoming more resilient and moving one. Above all, however, it takes time. And just like every heartbroken soul that came after this couple, we all survive. It takes time and patience and lots of strength, but it does work. Keep yourself busy – but don’t forget. Learn new things – but don’t regret. Become tougher – but don’t stop being kind. You will get through this. Everyone always does.”
Tricia was watching Grandma May dumbfounded. She had stopped sniffing and sat there mesmerized by her words. She had nothing to say. No words could come forth to be uttered at this moment. Maybe it was better that way.
So, she got up and brought a board game for her to play with wise Grandma May.
I am better than you think. I am stronger, smarter and braver. I can manage on my own. I can deal with my own problems without needing to run back to you for help. I can sustain my own routine. I can shop on my own, cook on my own, wash on my own. I can take care of my own income and expenses. I can decide for myself. I can make the right choices. I may make mistakes but I learn from them. This is my life and I get to decide for it. I trust you and love you, but I will no longer stand to be controlled by you. I want you next to me, supporting and loving me. Not on top of me, yelling and shouting at me. I want you to rejoice with me and cheer me up, not hit me when I’m down and step over me. I need you there to listen and advise me. Not to dictate and criticize me. I love you but sometimes it just seems you don’t. Tough love is not an option anymore. The world is a hard place as it is. I just need you to help me find solutions to power through it all. To help me find my place and realize my dreams. To make this a life worth living and enjoying to the fullest. No-one can do that if they are constantly strapped to a ball and chain.
“Allowing yourself to get lost is the quickest route to finding your way” – Sarah Pezdek-Smith
The best time to write is undoubtedly when inspiration strikes. But you can’t control that. So you end up feeling the urge to write when you’re getting ready for bed at 2am or even worse after you’ve spent the past ten minutes or so trying to find the most comfortable sleeping position and you’re finally wrapped up all nice and cozy under two layers of blanket. Another instance may be that you may fight the need to rush out and reach for a pen and paper when you’re already in the bathroom, under the shower, all wet and soapy. Or when you’ve finally fought off all distractions, and you’re ready to get (back) to work.
Inspiration emerges at the most ungodly of hours and when least expected. It’s like a Kinder egg surprise. You never know what you’ll get and when!
So, conclusion is: the best time to write is when inspiration strikes and you have writing material at hand, no matter where you are and what condition you are in!
N.B. Written at 2:10am on 31 January 2013…
Also part of Daily Prompt: Simply the Best