The safety of true friends

What does it take to feel safe?

Is a lockdown enough? Is staying away from everyone and everything? How do we feel safe without raising walls and keeping everyone out? How do we stay safe if we simply don’t live, don’t allow ourselves to experience anything?

There is a story about a woman living in India sometime in the Middle Ages who owned a pet snake, which she loved. The snake was four metres long and seemed healthy until one day it stopped eating. The snake’s fasting continued for the next weeks and the woman, now desperate that she could not get the snake to eat, rushed to the vet as an ultimate solution. The vet carefully listened to the woman and then asked: “Does the snake sleep with you at night and wraps itself around you?” “Yes!” the woman replied surprised at how spot on the vet’s speculation was. She expressed her sorrow that she could not help her friend. The vet then told her, “Madam, your snake is not ill; it is preparing to eat you. Every day it comes around you and you think it is hugging you, it is simply measuring you up and preparing to attack. It is not feeding so as to have enough room to digest you more easily”.

The moral of this story: not every person you consider a friend has true intentions. You may have people around you who seem to care and with whom you share everything, whom you love and care for and believe that they feel the same. But, some think otherwise. They are snake-friends. Because kindness and hugs aren’t always honest and genuine. Consider that everyone who betrays you are people you know, people you’ve sat with and shared your innermost thoughts, who you gave a part of your soul to, because these are the people whom you gave the key to hurting you.

No matter how much they hurt, such experiences serve to teach us to read people better. To measure up who we consider worthy of our attention, time, energy, and friendship. Not everyone is bad. But not everyone is good either.

We are the ones who choose the people to accompany us in our life’s journey. The ones with whom we feel safe under any circumstance. And those who are worthy of sharing our most important moments are really the ones who prove to be so without even being asked.  

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Changing wishes

Have you ever considered what you wish for the most? Because as you grow older (and somewhat wiser) it is not material things you wish for. You start longing for things you can’t actually grasp. Love, experiences, hope, time, positive thoughts and days filled with wonderful experiences

We begin to realise that we make wishes to be able to maintain our smiles and good mood for as long as possible. To be able to have time to share with the people with love as much as possible. To be able to relish each and every day to the fullest possible.

We make wishes not of things to have, but of emotions to feel and experiences to live.

And most of all, we wish that the days to come until the next wish will not take anything away from us. We wish for good health, love and happiness and for a life worth remembering.

It’s not things that make life worthwhile, it’s the people you devote it to and the way you spend your time. It’s how you feel, not what you have.

Is it worth the while?

It is a noted trend that when it rains we all ponder on life questions. What are we doing with our lives? Are we making an impact? Are we doing something worthwhile? Are we learning? Are we evolving? But the most important question we all have unanswered is, what is the point of it all?

Is it to be successful and famous? Is it to achieve something groundbreaking and revolutionary? Or is it simply to be loved? Because the latter may be the hardest of them all – to love and be loved. It is a feeling that is harder to maintain than you think. Because what we seek in that other half of ours is someone who understands us – all of our perks and quirks – and yet still stands next to us. Who comprehends our need to grow, to learn to do things and who – above all – shares that. Who realises that no person is truly ever complete and there is no way that anyone ever reaches a point where they don’t need any more education; who acknowledges that people need to communicate, to socialise, to explore. Because there is an entire world out there which has so much to give us. All we really need to do is understand that we are but a grain of sand in a huge desert. We need each other to survive. And the only way to do so is to complete each other and to make each other stronger, not weaker.

How fast is too fast?

Time is one thing that constantly surrounds us. We spend our entire day looking at a clock, scheduling our daily activities according to time. And we are continually thinking that it is either moving too fast or too slow. We are either complaining that we don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything we want, or moaning that time is moving too slow and we are bored. For the latter there are many solutions, as you can always find something to do if you are willing. But what about when there is not enough time? Because, honestly, how fast is moving too fast?

Is 60mph too fast? On a highway it is not, but in a residential area it is considered reckless. Is diving into a relationship head over heels from the first month going too fast? It all depends on what you feel, what you’ve been through and where you see everything going. And what about taking decisions at the spur of the moment? Sometimes, being in a hurry leads to really wrong outcomes. But other times, it may lead to the best opportunities you will ever have.

It is all a matter of perspective. Of weighing in your heart and mind the pros and cons of what you do and deciding consciously and decisively what you want to do. Nothing is too fast if you do it in full knowledge of the consequences of your actions. You might regret it later on in time, but that too is an experience. Just imagine how wonderful it would be though if a “fast” decision leads to the most amazing happening of your life. Wouldn’t that make it all worth it?

Feisty, Bitchy, Sassy, Ethereal

To say all women are bitches is a very broad generalization. And we shouldn’t generalize as much. Because women can also be kittens, cats, tigers, even lionesses at times. It is safe to say, however, that all women have an animal inside.

There have been many many things said about women. Ever since the beginning of time, a woman is considered “the weaker sex”, but at the same time the complicated one, the controversial one, and the emotional one (exhibited in every sense). In modern times, women have become all the more empowered, emancipated and confident. Something that leads to the derogatory term that originated in the 14^th century and suggested high sexual desire in a woman, comparable to a (female) dog in heat. However, today, the range of meanings has expanded in modern usage and in a feminist context, it can indicate a strong or assertive woman. It is also reminiscent of the fact that if you treat a woman right, you’ll have an angel for life, but be warned “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”.

It is is a common saying that behind every successful man, there is a brilliant woman, or as John Lennon put it “there is a great woman behind every idiot”. The Ancient Greeks described the world’s three evils as being “fire, women and the sea”. It is no wonder why women are seen as such diverse creatures (being one I can testify first-hand). Women have to fight with mood swings that catch everyone by surprise, even themselves at times. They have to bleed once a month and deal with the consequent PMS that comes along with this. They are more jealous than the queen of the alley cats and are willing to get into extremes simply to mark their own territory. Women rarely embroil in “cat fights”, however, preferring the more effective sarcastic and fake compliment-offering instead. In fact, this is also a huge difference with men – how often have you heard of men quarrelling being described as a “dog fight”? Men actually pride of being called a “dog”, contrasting the equivalent situation for the female gender.

Women bedazzle men and other women because more often than not they do not know what they want, but they expect others to know. They want you to understand without them having to explain. You need to know and anticipate their every move and desire, and most times you will never get it right either way, whatever it is you do. Perhaps this is why men discovered the phrase “Yes, dear”, most effectively said with a condescending nod.

Females of all species are indeed hard to understand. They need constant courting and attention, unless they don’t. So go figure. They are too hard to understand, almost impossible. But at the same time it is this constant mystery that enwraps them that makes them so attractive, so provocatively intoxicating and so difficult to live without.

Let’s face it, Adam could not live alone without Eve, even if she was the reason they both got expelled from Paradise. So let her complain, let her moan and nag, let her shout and cry, it will all pass. Wouldn’t you want to be there for the good times? The sweetness, the generosity, the surprises? She will definitely make it all worth it. Women have that ability. To make up for everything in the end.

 

Also part of Daily Prompt: Unsung Heroes