Weaving fate

There is a French proverb that “you often meet your fate on the road you take to avoid it”. There are numerous sayings about how you cannot outrun what is meant to find you.

They all stem from the concept of fate or destiny, or however else we name it.

In ancient Greek mythology, the Moirai (the “Fates”), were the personification of destiny. They were depicted as three sisters: Clotho (the spinner, weaving the thread of life); Lachesis (the allotter, the one distributing the ‘lots’/portions of the thread of life, and determining what each person would receive); and Atropos (the unturning, who cuts without the slightest hesitation, when the time comes, the thread of people’s lives). Their role was to ensure that every being, mortal or divine, lived out their destiny as assigned to them by the laws of the universe. For mortals, this destiny spanned their entire lives and was represented as a thread spun from a spindle.

The thread in the hands of the Moirai is human life; symbolizing how trivial and insignificant it eventually is, since it can be cut so easily like a thread.

Generally, the Moirai were considered to be above even the gods in their role as enforcers of fate, although in some representations, Zeus, the chief of the gods, is able to command them.

Their name derives from the Ancient Greek: μοῖρα, which means “lots, destinies, apportioners”. It also means a portion or lot of the whole. It is related to ‘meros’, “part, lot” and ‘moros’, “fate, doom” and they are seen as distributing portions of life among humanity.

The three Moirai are often seen as daughters of the primeval goddess Nyx (“night”), and sisters of Keres (“the black fates”), Thanatos (“death”) and Nemesis (“retribution”). Later they are depicted as daughters of Zeus and the Titaness Themis (“the Institutor”), who was the embodiment of divine order and law. Tychi (“Luck”)is sometimes presented as their fourth sister.

The concept of “moira” (fate) referred to one’s fair allotment or portion in life, which was distributed according to strict traditions. Obtaining more than one’s fair portion of life, in general, was possible, but would result in severe consequences because this was considered a violation of the natural order of things.  Perhaps this is what is meant by the idea that you don’t get in life more than you can handle; you just don’t know how strong you are until you’re forced to face a challenge.

What is ‘written’ for you will always find you. But you too can do something about it. You can seize the opportunities when they appear; you can create the conditions for them to reveal themselves; you can strive to become a better person every day; and soon, as you aim high, you will see your stars glimmer in the sky.

 “Whatever is going to happen will happen, whether we worry or not.” – Ana Monnar

 “Fate is shaped half by expectation, half by inattention.” – Amy Tan

“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.” – Marcus Aurelius

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Right is right regardless

We, people, are too concerned about appearances. About what other people think. About how we may seem to others; the image we portray.

We are often more concerned about the impression we give, than about acting right and with integrity. We lose ourselves to please others, but, worse, to fit into social confinements.

There are certain ways of acting that we can realise on our own if they are right or not. No matter the norms of social behaviour, we can discern if it is acceptable to shout in public, to speak badly to service workers, to be rude to anyone. They are part of those things that frankly should be common sense.

But what most people fail to comprehend is that just because everyone does something doesn’t make it right or even acceptable.

Similarly, just because certain people act in a similar manner around everyone – e.g. flirting or being overly effusive – doesn’t make that behaviour acceptable or appropriate either.

There are some things we need to respect when it comes to friendships and social conduct.  We need to take into account the people we have before us and adjust our manners accordingly.

But essentially, it is one single thing: don’t do unto others what you don’t want done to you. If you want to be respected, treat the people next to you with respect. It will elevate you much more than anything else you could say or do.

Remember, “right is right even if no one is doing it. Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it” (St Augustine).

A Holiday Wish

If you were granted one wish effective immediately, what would you wish for? Would it be for money, for material goods, or for courage, hope, love?

Lindsey knew exactly what should would seek: fulfillness. She wanted to feel that everything in her life was what she desired; that she had all she needed and wanted; that she was complete. It was something rare for anyone to state, because each person always believes they are lacking something, or they could always do with something more. That sense of incompletion is something that constantly accompanies us throughout our lives.

With everything she was forced to survive during the past few years, Lindsey was hopeful that this wish from a Secret Santa at an office party would perhaps restore the hope and optimism she had lost.

It wasn’t just the sentiment that had gone missing; it was herself too. Because more often than not people lose themselves trying to please others, in their effort to become the person they think will be more desired by another. But in the process, we fail to see that we lose the person that is most wanted by us: ourselves.

It is said that we need to find inner peace before we radiate the light we have inside. When you’ve reached the darkness, you have learnt to walk blindly towards the light.  And if you just take a step in the right direction, all it takes is a spark to light the flame.

Hidden thoughts

We all have hidden interpretations of things others don’t see. And it is usually the ones that cause a conflict. Because people find it hard to see with others’ eyes. We can’t put ourselves in others’ shoes, nor interpret things their way.

There are symbolic meanings to everyday behaviours. Meanings that are affected by our own perceptions of the world, by our prejudices, by our mentality, by the way we were raised, by the things we read, by our own experiences and thoughts.

It is these very perceptions that give rise to our hidden thoughts. They may be misinterpretations of certain incidents. But they become so rooted in our minds that to us they are established as the reality we see.

We refuse to see a different perspective, an alternative view, because it seems illogical, irrational, in total conflict to our own. And in essence, we are too stubborn, head-strong and selfish to do something that requires empathy on our part. It requires setting aside our own beliefs to comprehend what makes others react or act in certain ways.

Such absolute perceptions and hidden thoughts make our relationships dysfunctional. They cause us to become defensive even hostile. But worse of all, they lead to disappointment when we realise that our expectations are not met.

The mind is like a parachute: it only works when it is open.

Different Worlds

There is a saying that opposites attract. Like the opposing ends of a magnet drawn onto each other.

But there is also the belief that people need to match in order to suit each other, to be able to communicate on the same level and see things in the same perspective.

That is not necessarily true.

There is a reason why The Lady and The Tramp worked out despite being nothing alike. Being from different backgrounds and levels, they found that they completed each other. Because having grown up differently, with other kinds of experiences and views on life, that “other”, the person so astoundingly opposite to you – as it seems – has an entirely inverse perspective. One that does not necessarily contradict yours, but rather, comes to complete it.

It would be truly boring if we all had the same beliefs, opinions and views on life. There would be nothing to push us to grow, to learn, to improve, to become better at life itself. There would be nothing to show us another side to reality and to dreams.

We need that ‘different’ in our lives because it is what makes us more unique.

And sometimes, it is through that contrast that we find something that completes us.

 

Also part of Daily Prompt: Magnet

The agony inside

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you,” said Maya Angelou. We all hold a story within that we are yearning to unleash. It is the need to express our thoughts, our emotions, our dreams and our ambitions. To feel that we are supported and encouraged in every way.

We have become so used to valuing appreciation by the number of “likes” we receive on social media, by the “sympathy count” of our digital existence. But does this really matter? There are so many voices nowadays out there, that the world seems to be a cacophony of opinions – about anything and everything, no matter how important or how meaningless these are. Everyone has the right to be heard, but not many listen. So, if you are certain of the power of your own words, and by the belief that they do touch people anyway, making a difference, isn’t that more important? Isn’t that the point of it all?

The world will change, they say, one person at a time. And as James Baldwin wrote: “A country is only as good… only as strong as the people who make it up and the country turns into what the people want it to become…We made the world we’re living in and we have to make it over.”

It is a great strength to feel something so deeply that it becomes a passion. And you should never underestimate the power of such an emotion. Because it takes more than passion to follow your dreams. It takes courage too. And the confidence not to underestimate your potential. You can do more than you think. And you can reach further than you see. You just have to believe it too. And feel it with all your heart.

Like Baldwin adds, the “collision between one’s image of oneself and what one actually is is always very painful and there are two things you can do about it, you can meet the collision head-on and try and become what you really are or you can retreat and try to remain what you thought you were, which is a fantasy, in which you will certainly perish”.

There are too many inspirational sayings rampant, stating that if you want something, go do it. Most are right. Don’t tell people your dreams. Show them. And certainly never underestimate the determination of a quiet person. One who keeps an untold story agonizingly locked inside.

 

Also part of Daily Prompt: Underestimate

The avalanche mounting behind the door

On the nights he slept over at his grandmother’s, Seth was always tucked into bed with the goodnight wish that “the brightest things would come to him when he least expected them.” His grandmother explained that that is when he would appreciate them the most. Seth never did understand what she meant. Until he grew up and turned 34.

Seth had become close friends with Murphy. This guy had a global law named after him, which was the embodiment of the phrase “when it rains, it pours”. Seth knew it well. Despite wanting to believe what his grandmother had insisted on instilling in him – that all the proper things come and find you at the right time – he refused to believe that nothing good ever stayed with him.

At 27, he was still living with his parents, scraping by, working as a waiter at a nearby café because he could not find any paying work in his university-degree sector of engineering.

At 29, he broke up with his long-term girlfriend because she could no longer take his uncertainty, his pessimism and his lack of ambition. She was the type who believed there was nothing wrong with trying to reach further than you could see. Seth was the type who needed glasses to see the end of his fingertips.

At 32, a major crisis struck. Seth was going through what most people experience at some point in their lives – reminiscing of how everything used to be simpler when we were younger, of how nothing turned out the way you expected, and of how the future looks so bleak, you don’t see anything worth fighting for anymore.

But that is when things began to change.

When he thought that everything would simply continue downhill.

An executive officer of a multinational corporation walked into the aforementioned café one day. Seth was the one to serve him, but having seen him numerous times there, he suggested exactly what the businessman wanted to order. Frequent customers usually have fixed preferences. The businessman was having a rough day, and was encouraged by the smile on Seth’s face and the kindness with which he was approached. The small talk while the coffee was being prepared turned into an invite to an interview, which two days later became a work offer.

Two years later, it was Seth who was in charge of his own department, drinking coffee with the businessman, instead of serving him.

And that was when he remembered his grandmother’s words. Because he had settled the career issue, but what about the relationships phase? He had met all sorts of women during the years: the crazy ones who checked your phone when you went to the bathroom; the really crazy ones who also checked your pockets and bags; the insane ones who would freak out if they saw you with another woman; the ones who didn’t really care because they were already cheating on you; and, of course, the right ones at the wrong time, who were already in other relationships. He would return home and feel alone. Even Heather, his Siamese cat had befriended the Tomcat from next door. His mind ran back to Esther. She was for him “the one that got away”. He believed everyone had one such person. But come night, he would remember a story his grandmother used to tell him, that when souls were created, they split in half when they fell to Earth, and ever since people spend their entire lives trying to find their other half. Seth was overcome by grief and longing for Esther, but could not sum up the courage to call her. So many years had passed, she would certainly have moved on.

There are times when in life, nothing happens, and then when you finally find the door to open, events come pouring onto you like an avalanche.

That is what happened with Seth. When one night the phone rang, and the answer to his curious “hello?” was a soft trembling voice he knew too well, stating “it’s me”.

Broken people

We are all broken. In some form or other.

We feel the need to believe in something ideal, in dreams, in positive thoughts.

But soon there comes a time when it all dawns on you.

There is no ideal.

There is no perfect.

And often nothing is at all like you hope it would be.

There is no prince on a white horse.

Nor is there a model-figure princess.

There is no magic to solve it all.

There is no clear reason for everything that happens.

Life is not as easy or as simplified as that.

We end up sharing out pieces of each other every time we open up to one another.

But whenever relationships end badly, those pieces are also lost.

And we are left broken.

Trying to continue life with the knowledge that we may never get what we want.

But despite being broken, we still fight to survive.

Because in the end, that is all we have.

The reason things happen

People come into your life for a reason. Even if they are just passing by or here to stay for the long-term, they all have a purpose for doing so. From the old woman you help across the street, to the kind newspaper boy, the caring waitress, the rude civil servant, the cheating landlady, the dishonest lawyer, the profane bus driver…

No matter how soon or how late something or someone appears, you need to trust that their timing was ideal. There are so many sayings that “everything happens for a reason”, “you get what you give”, “if it is meant to be it will be” and so on, but what we all truly need to believe is that there is a purpose in everything. In things that happen and those that don’t. Even the slightest of coincidences can turn out to be something remarkable. A serendipity of unbeknown beauty. We just need to be open enough to accept it all.

People come into our lives for a reason. You may not remember everyone who has been part of your life, and likewise they probably won’t remember you either. But what about those who make an impact on your very being? Who leave their mark on your heart? Who help develop your personality, your passion, your character? The very essence of who you are?

There are some people with whom you develop a tie stronger than a sailor’s knot. One that no matter how far you run and how much you try to break it, it only tightens and brings you closer. It is with people like these that time is never enough to talk about everything you want. You can spend hours on end discussing unconnected issues, yet later you will always remember something else that remained unsaid. It is equally with people like this, that even if you have not seen each other for months, it does not matter; you pick up right where you left off, as if a chronological gap never occurred. With no awkwardness, no embarrassment. Just honesty.

People come into our lives for a reason. We might be blind to it and first. But then, those moments arrive when we sit in silence and reminisce about all we’ve been through, when all those persons and all those moments pass like a film reel in our mind, virtually spilling out a stream of memories – good and bad – demonstrating how we’ve grown with and because of every single one of them.

Karma brings people and situations in our lives for a reason. We can chose to ignore them or learn from them. Either way, it will make our lives richer for the experience alone…

“An invisible thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break. May you be open to each thread that comes into your life – the golden ones and coarse ones – and may you weave them into a brilliant and beautiful life.” – Chinese proverb

The absence of time

It is the one thing we all complain of constantly. Of not having enough. Of passing by too quickly. Of not moving along quickly enough. It is what we anxiously count down with, what we nostalgically look back to, and what we constantly fear will run out too soon.

Time is both a friend and a foe. For the latter it is obvious – it is always the one to betray you. It is never enough to do all the things you want; to enjoy all the hobbies you keep yourself occupied with; to saturate your memories and your heart with the people you love. Time will always take something away from you.

But on the other hand, time is your friend. There are people who state that all they have is time. Moaning that days never pass, that everything seems endless. In unpleasant situations, this is the predominant feeling. For if you are having fun, time indeed seems to fly.

Sometimes you need time to yourself. To simply sit in silence and be. To, in a sense, meditate. To listen to what it is you truly desire at the moment. To heal. Even if they do say time heals all wounds, it is not always true. For some wounds never truly heal. People don’t wound you. They leave marks, memories, imprints, maybe even scars on your soul and these cannot be washed away with the passing of time. They may be pushed back into the distant drawers of your mind, but they are never truly forgotten. These are the moments that you cannot explain with words. Not because you lack the vocabulary. But because the words to adequately capture your sensations for them do not yet exist. It is moments like this when you feel a flood of emotions stream through your veins, when all you can do is stand still and surrender to the trickling of tears down your flushed cheeks. It is moments like these, however, that you will remember forever, because these are the ones that feel like an infinity in a predetermined expiration date.

Time is not to blame for the mistakes we make. For the relationships that end, for the choices we didn’t take. We may blame the circumstances, the synergies, the timing, the lighting, or anything that we may easily accuse. But like Cassius says in Act I, Scene II of William Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar, “The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves…”

We live in a shattered world. One from which we constantly try to hide. In the illusions that things are not so bad as they seem; in the allusions that people are better than we deem them to be; in the desperate need to believe that everything will be all right in the end. Even if we are racing against a ticking clock.

Because sooner or later we will learn that nothing lasts forever. People leave like ocean currents. There is no truth. There is no time. All there is, is now. And what we chose to do with it.