MC's Whispers

Whispering Silences

Archive for the tag “change”

Learn, thrive, and grow together

It’s a skill knowing when to stop a tiff from developing into a full-grown quarrel. It takes patience and a lot of struggle to reach the point of constraint, of choosing to walk away and quieten down rather than engage in a fight not worth having.

It takes time to learn things. Any thing.

Like the fact that you cannot force people to change. No matter how much you love them or care for them. Regardless of how deeply you let them in, people will only understand what they want. And they will alter their ways only when they truly desire. But just like a selfish person cannot become more caring, an altruist cannot suddenly stop placing others first and only look out for their own benefit. It goes both ways.

It is a wonder, really: is there something in between either feeling everything so profoundly or hardly sensing anything at all?

We are so accustomed to the stories we tell ourselves, those deafening voices in our heads that convince us to try more, to talk more, to press more in the hope that we’ll put ourselves out there and people will finally see us for who we are, for what we’re worth, for the value we so long for them to acknowledge. Yet in this, we fail to see that what we intend as effort, as nurturing care, and affection, to others seems as a suffocating attempt to change their beliefs and attitudes. We judge ourselves on our intentions and not on how we make the other person feel. We act in the way we consider as ‘common sense’ and obvious, but it is not so for everyone, and we often fail to realise that people seldom think and act the same way. Our cheerful ramble confiding in another a portion of our day may be regarded as moaning and just noisy chatter. We feel disappointed and rejected because we’ve created an expectation in our head that is hardly ever met. We set out already knowing what we want to see, and are shattered when it doesn’t play out as such.

Perhaps the biggest mistake we make is taking everything too personally; even when that is how it seems, we are rarely the reason people act like they do. The real cause for people’s behaviour lies within themselves, their upbringing, their experiences, their fears, their influences, their social surroundings, or even just the noise in their own heads.

True relationships – of any sort – help us do three essential things: learn together, grow together, and thrive together. Having fun is just a bonus. Any relationship makes you better in every single way possible. That’s the point of it after all.

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Dive head-on

We often lament that things change. But the truth is, they’re supposed to.  It’s how we improve, evolve, and grow.

Just think of the constant updates for all those apps that keep popping up every so often on your devices. It’s how they improve bugs and get the system working better.

We need the same for our lives too.

We need to be creating and choosing change for ourselves. To delve into challenges head-on so that we test ourselves and expand our limits.

Growth is always outside our comfort zone. It occurs when we dive into the unfamiliar, into unchartered waters, unprecedented situations, and the like. We will only find a different path if we tread into the unknown. And just maybe it will be the best decision we’ve ever made.

Rain in a playground

© Roger Bultot

Happy thoughts are colourful. Like waking up to sunshine pouring through your windows. They are as fun and joyous as a ride at a children’s playground. They emit positivity and grant you an aura that makes you vibrate at a higher level, boosting you with confidence.

It is easier to create that happy mentality than to maintain it, though.

The latter requires effort we often fail to acknowledge. Or we’re too tired to do the work.

When adversity happens, our minds become mystified like clouds preparing for rain.

And when the thunderstorm strikes, our thoughts bring chaos to our world.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Nothing fixed

©David Stewart

Bright sunny days energise you for a positive day ahead. They help you believe that good things are coming. So you’re motivated to do more. You vibe higher, and you smile more.

But nothing is fixed in life. Not even the sunshine.

So when clouds arrive and it starts to rain, plans change.

Do you have a plan B?

There are 26 words in the alphabet, you’d better have alternatives.

A closed mindset is a bad trait to have. It doesn’t help you adapt or be flexible to the ever-changing circumstances around you.

We need to be prepared for everything.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Dream it, live it

©MCD

“Imagine a place where you’d like to be. Picture it in your mind. Breathe the air there. Take it all in.

Do you feel it?

Can you see yourself there?

Now open your eyes.

Can you summon the determination to do your best to get yourself there?”

The therapist’s instructions made everything seem so simple.

All you had to do really was envision your life, your goals, your presence. And work hard in whatever way you can to accomplish these aims.

Sometimes all it takes is the will to act and the determination to change things.

Life’s Lighthouses

You know it’s true that you have to look where you’re going, because you will inevitably go where you’re looking.

You might as well shine a light on the path that’ll get you there.

When we’re settled in a situation and time flies without us realising it, we sort of feel that we’ve found our way. But the truth is, it’s in our human nature to want more. To desire better. To aim higher. At least, that’s how we evolve. Otherwise we’re just swamping, living a life without colour, satisfaction, or fulfilment.

There comes a time, however, when we feel lost. When our life lens becomes blurred and gloomy and all we see is disappointment and disdain.

It’s when we’re sulking the most that we need people to stir us up. To tell us truths we often don’t want to hear but serve to awaken us. To show us we deserve better and that we are worthy of it.

Those who love you are those who are most irritated when they see you wasting away, because they know your value and your ability to do more, be more, achieve better.

As Wayne Dyer said, “if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”.

We all need someone to act as a lighthouse, to shine the way when we’re feeling lost in the darkness. To make us believe that we’re destined for greatness, and to boost us into envisioning its realisation.

Live with a grateful heart

https://images.desenio.com/zoom/15526_2.jpg

We should be grateful for friends to whom we can turn and say “I’m gonna moan for 20 minutes straight” and they’ll just make you comfortable and listen to every complaint you make.  We should be grateful for people to whom talking feels like therapy. For the family we choose to support us when life turns upside down.

We should be grateful for so much more than we actually do.

Because we don’t realise the instability of the modern world. How things may change in an instant. How plans rarely work out and how we’re often forced to forge different paths ahead.

When we get too comfortable to move, alter, or evolve, life will usually find ways to push us out of it.

We may need to reassess our entire theory of the world, but it will probably be for the best. If we’re not obliged to exit our comfort zone, we will never realise the potential we have.

This social-media-driven world has manufactured a mentality where everyone – every single person out there – has a voice that they too often than not use to proclaim how perfect and outstanding they are. Yet, it is those who have nothing to say that usually shout the loudest, and those who have nothing to show for that proclaim their greatness. Others simply try to prove their worth in actions, not hollow speeches.

We live in a contemporary state of constant disappointment but not surprise. Because we’ve learned to expect the worst, despite fighting for the best.

Regardless, however, there are so many things to still be grateful for: our good health, the family around us, the friends who embrace us, and the love we receive from the people we truly cherish.

A Personal Note

It may be a Capricorn thing. Or a female issue. Or hormonal distress. A mood swing. Stress. The weather. The environment. The surroundings. The bad temper of the driver in front. The attitude of the cashier.

There may be a myriad of reasons why.

But I tend to cry a lot.

It is what it is. I can’t help it.

When the waterworks start – regardless why – let it pour.

If you know anything about me, you’ll know that my ways to de-stress are either writing or weeping. Sometimes both simultaneously.

I need my time. As all people do, we need time alone to process the new realities around us, to get things sorted in our minds in our own way. To ponder on how to come back stronger. We all have different manners of coping with the world. Please understand that it has nothing to do with you personally. It’s just how each of us functions.

We need a period to outburst. To let it all out so we can relieve the tension.

When that passes – and it will soon enough – we’ll get back to our regular (stubborn, often obnoxious, moaning, and irritating) selves.

Just allow it to happen.

We need some time to figure things out, to draw up a plan, and to garner the courage to proceed. We’re not giving up. Consider it a pause on life, when everything is just too much to bear.

It is said that salt water heals everything: so when we’re crying, take us to the beach for a swim, or let us sit in the rain. Both will drown out the tears.

But don’t worry, the frown will turn upside down soon enough and the smile will re-appear.

Be patient.

I know it’ll work out in the end.

Open road

©Matteo Paganelli

There is a risk with being too comfortable with where you are. You become too complacent and too lazy to budge. Like still water in a swamp, you become stagnant as the world around you evolves.

The problem is, we too often take things for granted. A situation to which we’re accustomed does not necessarily mean that it will forever remain so. Circumstances change, often in the blink of an eye, yet no matter what we tell ourselves, we’re never wholly prepared for any of it.

Confusion is followed by an anguish of how to proceed. We need a plan. That’s what we pressure ourselves to have. But life doesn’t always work in a scheduled manner. Sometimes we just need to take things as they come.

Consider this, however: Without a destination, you’re never late. Because you have nowhere precise to go. You’re always exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Or like the cat in Alice in Wonderland said: If you don’t know where you’re going any road will get you there.

Perhaps we need to see the positive in every situation. A step-back always rattles you to change.

We simply need the courage to move ahead with more experience and determination than before.

Don’t be afraid to start over; you might like your new story.

A decade of Whispers

https://classicalmel.files.wordpress.com/2021/12/10-years.png

Every big thing starts with a simple moment of folly in which, upon taking that leap, you ask “why not” and “what if”. Because yes, in jumping, you may fall; but what if you fly?

We have a tendency in this modern fast-paced world of ours to consider the downside more than what we have to gain. But we sometimes fail to see that if we don’t dare to try, we won’t move to grow. Change won’t happen if we don’t go after it.

In the past years of pandemic lockdowns, political developments, climate change (floods, heatwaves, fires), and so much more that has made us question the very essence of our existence, it is perhaps our mental health and psychological state of being that has been affected the most.

We find that we are often competing with our own self simply to remain sane. We’re battling the voices in our hear that we wish were not ours. We whisper that we’re fine, when inside we’re bellowing that we’re not. And we realise that we need days off everything; hours to do absolutely nothing – to lie in bed staring at the ceiling,binge-watch series or movies, to walk silently along the beach, to read after going offline. We ought to give ourselves those instances to regroup, to recharge, and to relax above all. It’s an opportunity to reconsider everything we do – from the support circle around us, the social acquaintances, our relations with the ‘outside’ world, to our employment prospects, our professional ambitions, but also our personal dreams which we so often push aside.

I began writing this blog a decade ago – can you believe it’s been 10 years already? It was my way of expressing everything I cannot (or wish not) say aloud. It’s not easy for everyone to speak out and converse so easily with people. Some of us are lost in the chaos of our minds. We’ll speak to those who win our trust, who we feel comfortable and secure with; to those, we will blabber away for hours, so consider yourself lucky, for you are among the selected few. But don’t think we don’t have things to say. The pen, it is said, is often mightier than the sword. And if we can’t speak, we’ll write it.

That said, consider this in the rapid passing of time: We come into each other’s lives in a mere fragment of it. We meet each other without knowing what led the other to this moment, and (on each occasion) we are trying to catch up on the time we ‘lost’ when we did not know of each other’s existence. In an effort to replenish that time, we want to draw in as much information as possible about the other, often being subject to jealousy of the people who have managed to spend a greater period with this new person.

We have but a glimpse of our lives to set our mark on another person and ensure our role and part in their lives is maintained. In the dozens (or more) of people we meet throughout our passage, only a handful will stay long enough to see us grow, change, laugh and cry, evolve. But those are the people who matter. And it goes both ways.

So, the message I’ll close off with in this 10-year anniversary post is this: sometimes it’s good not to know where you’re going and where something you start off in a leap of faith will lead. Because you never know how wonderful or life-changing it may be.

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