MC's Whispers

Whispering Silences

Archive for the tag “difficulty”

The worst place you can be

We all hide a whirlwind of emotions inside, just waiting to be expressed. Often women more than men go through a series of alternating sentiments even during one single day. Perhaps we pay too much attention to the little things, overthink excessively and try to find connotations in every action.

The problem though lies with tolerating too much. With burying emotions inside in the hope of forgetting about them, of extinguishing their force and of somehow making things better. We all nurture that illusion that things will change without action from our part. As if magically the world will improve in the way we want it to.

There comes a time, however, when our feelings take over our reactions. Either because we are tired, hungry or simply exasperated by everything, there comes an emotional explosion that is sometimes out of character. We can’t always control what we feel. Like Elizabeth Gilbert said, “your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions”.

It is during those explosions that we need people close, no matter how far we push them away. We need to feel loved even in our toughest of times, when we are being difficult, obstinate and insecure. It is at our worst that we need the affection. To believe that it is just a phase and will pass, that we will come out stronger, and that, in the end, everything will be better than fine.

Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head”.

The broken plate

broken plateWhy? Why is it so hard to talk to someone? To tell them what you feel, what you think, or exactly what you want? It shouldn’t be this hard. It’s not “normal”. You shouldn’t have to plan out and rehearse what you want to say, always waiting for the opportune moment, because that moment will never arrive. It simply doesn’t exist. But why does the fear embrace her soul every time she wants to say something?

Marie stood there, staring out the window with her eyes misty and depressed. Nothing in her life was what she wanted. It was not the life she dreamt. Not what she wished for. Not even worth living. There was nothing that made her truly happy. Without any worries. She couldn’t even feel relaxed anymore. Her routine had overwhelmed her and stress had taken over her very being. She couldn’t even eat or sleep. And it wasn’t because she was in love. It was because pursuing happiness is so much tougher than everyone makes it out to be.

And then, every time she wanted to speak to someone, to let out all these feelings, to relieve some of the pain at least, she just couldn’t. Why was it so hard? Why did she feel so alone and invisible at times? So unwanted and unappreciated? What had happened?

Clouds drifted quietly and covered the sun. For a few minutes it grew dark even though it was the middle of the day. That was how Marie felt too. At least the sky could understand her. That meant something too…

She stood there silently, playing out different scenes in her head. Letting her mind drift to the past, to the future and then back to the present. But to her, there was nothing worth fighting for there. She knew she had to keep going. Persistence and struggle would in the end get her what she wanted. What she dreamed for. But it was hard and she needed the support that she felt was so lacking around her.

And then…

Then for a moment that seemed to last a lifetime, the plate she was holding, that pretty plate with flowers on, flowers that symbolized love and peace and harmony, fell from her hands, hitting the floor and scattering into pieces, shattering her heart along with it. She stood there in what seemed like minutes on end, looking down at it. A dark cloud had swallowed up her core. She was trembling. Fear had encircled her and was standing right there with her. And she just stood there not knowing what to do. And a tear trickled down her cheek…Silently stating its presence…

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