MC's Whispers

Whispering Silences

Archive for the tag “disappointment”

Hearts apart

A good friend once advised me that in any relationship you should not give too much all at once and up front. It will prompt greed, because people always want more but are too selfish to admit it is so.

Unfortunately, some people can’t help being kind, and giving others their all, unconditionally, without asking for anything in return. Nothing other than acknowledgment and respect.

Some things that are obvious for some are not at all for others. But when you have to ask for even those common-sense issues, their value is automatically lost.

We grow irritated and angry when we feel we are not taken into account, when we are not prioritised as highly as we wish, when we witness that our voices are not heard.

Anger leads to rage, and as our hearts grow further apart we yell to cover the distance.

Have you noticed that? We shout when we’re angry even if we’re standing two feet apart, because we sense the other is not hearing us, not grasping what we’re saying, because we keep repeating the same things without any change, without progress. We speak simply for reiterating each one’s position. Not to discuss and resolve whatever issues arise for whatever reason.

We may presume someone else’s worries are petty. But that does not mean we should treat them as such. Respect is seeing the world through another’s eyes. Wondering how you would act in their shoes. And helping them settle the crisis.

Caring is demonstrating that you value the other regardless of what your prior actions may have proven to them. It is a simple as that: show it.

If love is the only way to soothe the yelling and reconnect our hearts, all we have to do is display it. Otherwise, there is no point in even trying.

Perhaps that was the problem in the first place; that we tried too hard; expected too much; and got disenchanted too soon.

Chin-up

He had a way of getting her to smile even when the tears where trickling down her blushed cheeks. Even when she frowned, he would manage her to laugh; that heartfelt laughter that was so contagious he could not help but chuckle along with her.

It was rare to find someone so supportive. Who could not only withstand but also handle her mood swings. She knew it was difficult. This modern era caused a lot of psychological and mental stress; she couldn’t even deal with it herself, let alone expect someone else to.

She was easily disappointed with the world. With friends that turned out to be foes. With backstabbing behaviour, with job offerings going to less-deserved people with under-achievements, with luck not being on her side apparently. She often surrendered arms because it was easier than continuing to fight a battle you were constantly losing.

But he knew more about it than meets the eye. He had faced unimaginable challenges throughout his years and was determined to not give up. Failure was not an option, and he kept repeating that to her so as to make it sink in.

During one of those heartbroken breakdowns where everything seemed bleak right from the sombre start of the morning, he looked her straight in the eyes, gently touched her face, and said, “Chin up, princess, or the crown slips”.

She smiled timidly. But it was enough to dust herself off and start over.

A sign of caring

©Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

In an ideal happy-reality scenario, girls grow up to be their daddy’s princess. They then spend most of their mature lives seeking a prince who remotely resembles the king that raised them.

Perhaps that is a mistake, though.

We set off in life with high expectations. Which often lead to bitter disappointments.

But every so often, someone comes along who surprises us pleasantly. And in the very moment when you’ve given up hope, and surrendered to the belief that what you long for does not exist.

It’s the details that make the difference. Like a simple sign that you care.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Set limits

There is a simple truth we tend to realise the hard way, after suffering too much disappointment in people: not everyone is worth your time.

We need to set limits not to keep others away, but to protect our own selves.

The world has fallen apart because we envy and hate more than we admire and love.

Solidarity is just a word, not an action.

So many empty statements are made, filled with hypocrisy and feint that it is not easy to trust anyone anymore.

We need to clear our lives of toxic, narcissistic people who have nothing real to offer us; to tear off their masks so we can alleviate ourselves from the burden of trying to please everyone to the extent that we neglect our own well-being.

‘No’ is in fact a complete sentence. We need to start saying it more so life can smile upon us.

Everything comes at the right timing, as long as we are able to deal with the situations we are called to face.

To remain optimistic, we need to have positive, smiling people around us.

But unfortunately, those genuinely rejoicing with your happiness are rare to find.

Protect your peace

There comes a time when you need to accept that your peace of mind is more important than anything else.

If we constantly place ourselves in a state where we feel we need to keep everyone else happy, sometimes even exceeding our own limits and sacrificing our own wants to please others, we will soon find that we’re losing ourselves. Let alone wrongly exploiting our time and energy.

We need a motive for everything we do. Subconsciously, that is how it all works. Even if it is simply feeling acknowledged, appreciated, respected, valued or love, we need to sense that there is a purpose in the efforts we make.

When things fall apart from the slightest misunderstandings, from things wrongly perceived, or merely from having too many expectations, the disappointment is usually too much to bear.

And that’s when it all comes crashing down.

Because for as long as you’re hyperactive, keeping everything in motion, the ball rolls smoothly. Once the slightest hiccup occurs and something stops – even if for a millisecond – you realise how much you’re coping with, trying to juggle so much more than you can withstand.

We need to learn to be done, not mad, not bothered, just done.

We need to protect our peace at all costs. It’s what matters most. For if we don’t have a healthy mental state, nothing else really matters.

Wine a little

© Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Listen, if you’re going to whine about things, you might as well do it with a good bottle of wine”, he said as he opened the door to an antique wine cellar.

You could smell the ageing cork as the labels indicated the years-old wine that adorned the shelves.

“You’re disappointed because you constantly expect too much. But worse, because you assume too much.

You say you prefer to know the truth and be disappointed than to wonder, but you do both and don’t avoid the heartbreak either way.

Get over yourself and your fictional scenarios. It’s the only way.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

The answers in silence

©MCD_Athens

How many hours do we spend worrying about things we can’t control, suffering more in imagination than in reality, drawing conclusions out of the slightest of things?

The truth is, we cause our own anxiety by the thoughts that race in our head. What if we could pace those contemplations? What if we could in some way halt them and focus our energy on something mentally healthier and more productive?

Humans are created for greatness – to do things, not be stagnant. We hold ourselves back by the constant anguish that things will go wrong.

And when the chaos becomes too much to handle we seek to escape in nature, in trails that lead to silence.

Simply to acknowledge that silence is some form of answer. Sometimes not getting what you expect is also a way of realising what you deserve, what you’re truly after, what you profoundly want. There is always a way. And there is always time. As long as there is the deep desire to find both.

The fall of an angel

What is it that I do so wrong?” she asked her godmother with a voice that was drowning out tears.

She didn’t know that somewhere else, he was wondering the same, but chose to keep it for himself, pretending everything was perfectly fine.

The godmother smiled and sighed. It was a question almost everyone had posed at least once in their lifetime. It usually came after a painful experience. When you elevated too high with euphoria and abruptly crashed to the ground, claiming you never saw the collision drawing near. It was after the fall of an angel.

You know, even the devil was once an angel. People don’t show their true face immediately. Some may feign so well that it takes a very long time to see through them – if ever”.

So we should just never trust anyone? Ever?” She sounded so innocent, so naïve.

You should tread cautiously, drawing lessons from your previous experience. But you should not shut down your heart and stop being you”.

There was silence. She was contemplating what that meant and how it could be achieved.

Even angels find their wings too heavy sometimes”, the godmother continued, aware that the angels’ allegory always worked. After all, she was the one who had imbued it on her.

Sometimes we need to fall to be able to look up. To take a wrong turn so that we eventually get to the right place. We need the darkness to see the stars. Just remember the lessons you learn on your journey through life. But most of all, accept that some things just happen because something greater is waiting for you. It wasn’t where you were meant to be. Stop thinking too much about it. You’ll be grateful you moved on later”.

And then she said this that served as a wake-up call:

We consume ourselves where we’re not meant to be and become blind to all that awaits us”.

The trouble with overestimation

It was a thunderous and stormy day in August when Sarah decided to de-clutter her closets. In the heart of summer, autumn made its brief appearance that day, reminding her that nothing lasts too long.

It was time to get rid of everything that belonged in the past and had no room in her present or future. It was the only way to look forward.

After all, “life can only be understood looking backwards; but it must be lived forwards” (Soren Kierkegaard).

The truth with disappointment is that you invoke it on yourself by setting too high expectations.

You raise the bar too high hoping and wishing that others will leap up and reach it. You expect too much because you overestimate the potential of others. In your eyes, you see them as the ideal you imagine them to be. You fall in love with the idea of who a person can be, not who they truly are. And therein lies the very problem. Because you fail to see the reality and look pass it to its potential, of what it could be, not what it actually is. And then the difficulties intensify as you refuse to accept things as they are and to come to terms with how others are and act.

We fail to see that not everyone shares our mentality and our behaviour. These are beyond our control when they concern others. We don’t always need to comprehend why, but others may react and act differently than how we would. And that’s OK. Because they are an entirely different human being. But we struggle in accepting that.

And that is our trouble.

We lift others too high in our minds that we are the ones left hurt when they fall. In their head, they were never that high up anyway.

Sarah discovered a small frame she had hidden in one of her boxes. It read “expect nothing, appreciate everything”. And that pretty much summed it all up.

Dear Santa

https://dk-flow-cdn.clio.me/7ddcaa8c75748336ae92d5086b52dceb7737a5e7/f78ab0cebc49124c745b2a4d6a051f12804bfeb7.jpg

Dear Santa…

It was strange for an adult to write such a letter. She had stopped since a few years ago when the child inside her wrote a sweet letter to Santa together with her partner at the time, but she never received a reply despite the elves’ reassurances that she would. Disappointment got the better of her.

But the truth is, she stopped writing to Santa because she didn’t know what to ask for. Or rather, she didn’t feel the need to ask for anything.

This year was a bit different.

I don’t want you to bring me anything. But I don’t want you to take anything away from me either”.

She could feel the emotional charge sliding through the pen into the ink on the paper.

I don’t want things anymore. I want people, emotions and experiences. I want the things that will remain intact in time and my heart. I want to be surrounded by people who love me and who stay around for the hard times. People who love in a similar way as I do – with all their heart, unconditionally and without expected anything in return”.

She remembered how easily she could get hurt from those she loved the most, because to them she never raised a shield of protection. She left too much of her heart and soul exposed. It’s something you can’t get back. Because that is how some people love: purely.

But in reality, everyone expects something from others. It’s the source of all disappointment. That we expect and anticipate others to act in the same way we do. But not everyone has the same heart or viewpoint we do.

My wish this year is for things to fall into place. For our souls to be filled with love and serenity, for those who care for us to be strong and healthy, for all the things that cannot be bought to make us happy.

After all, the magic only happens if you believe in it”.

She signed off “with love” and let it fall in the post-box full of anticipation that this time it would be different.

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