It’s all in the eyes

When someone is passionate about what they are talking about, when they really feel it to their bones and you can sense that enthusiasm oozing out of their every being, you can also see it in their eyes.

Notice it next time someone is telling you about something that incites them.

If they truly embrace what they’re talking about, their eyes will glimmer. You will witness their body movements alter as if to transmit to you that excitement they’re feeling.

You can tell a lot by looking into someone’s eyes.

It’s not just the profoundness of their soul that is depicted there; it’s also the sensitivity of their character.

People’s eyes well up when they’re discussing something sensitive or moving, something deeply personal that reaches in and touches every intimate chord.

The eyes get bigger and flare up when you’re angry and irritated about something and tempers rise.

But they also soften and can emit compassion when you’re listening with empathy to a person you love.

Try it. Just sit and watch people as they behave in their day-to-day lives. Shyness is indicated by the tendency to avoid eye contact. Anxiety by the opposite – rapid eye movements all over the place. Sadness by the fact that the gaze is constantly downwards. Hope by the wandering of the sight beyond what is visible. And admiration by the way the eyes light up when faced with a loved one.

At speeches of inspiring people, look around for a while. Observe how people listen. How they hang onto each word. Or how they boringly stare at their phones instead.

At weddings, witness the love that is radiated from the smiling eyes of the groom as the bride walks up to the altar, and in the emotional sight of the bride as she caresses her new husband.

Love comes in so many forms, but its purest is in what the eyes betray.

It’s all in the eyes. They never lie.

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Shine a light inside

There are two types of people in the morning: the chirpy one, who chatters, sings, and is hyperactive from the moment they get out of bed; and the one who doesn’t want a single noise to interfere in the still sleeping zen phase they are painfully trying to get out of.

Miranda was the second type.

Alan was the first.

You can see the problem.

The worst was when the only chance they had to discuss about something was before going to work in the morning because often their shifts did not coincide and they could spend entire days without seeing each other. Despite living in the same house, they didn’t always have the energy after work to talk about anything.

This made it all the more complex.

Because she was also the type to keep everything inside. She restrained herself from expressing what bothered her, be it from the slightest of things – from their online presence, to his behaviour towards others, to her problems at work, or financial difficulties.

The body had a mind of its own, though, and it began to demonstrate its anguish and exhaustion in various forms. The signs were ignored and neglect led to stronger pain in every form.

He saw what she refused to.

How she faded her own light and began to personify that “what doesn’t transmit light creates its own darkness” (Marcus Aurelius).

So he surprised her with a week away.

To a place she only dreamed of; where mice and ducks were favourite cartoon characters; where laughter was the only sound you could hear; where to feel the innocence and carefreeness of a child was mandatory.

The red lines we cross

We all have them. But it’s only when we cross them that we perceive their significance.

Red lines are like raising the alarm; that something is wrong.

We all seemingly know at what point something becomes unacceptable to us. But you never really believe you’ll reach that point, or surpass your limits in an often dangerous manner.

We dream of life to be perfect, with as few problems as possible, with disagreements being restricted to a minimum with our colleagues, partner, friends, or even strangers. Hoping whatever row we have may be trivial five minutes later, when we eventually cross those red lines of ours and tensions rise and voice levels increase, we are stunned ourselves. Because this point of no return was never our intention. And it usually becomes so obvious in how it leaves you drained, emotionally exhausted, and psychologically unable to think straight.

We exceed our limits when we accumulate emotions and thoughts for too long without expressing them; when we’re fighting a battle on our own and trying to conceal it from everyone else; when we’re pressing ourselves too hard to appear that everything is fine when it’s really not; when we want someone to stand by but are too proud to ask.

When our mind is too clouded to be able to think clearly, we can only see problems rather than solutions to them. That is when we need a support circle the most. To help us restore reason in that chaos-creating head of ours. It’s not easy. Nothing of value ever is. It would be too boring otherwise. We sometimes need to transcend our own limits – and our comfort zone – to awaken to everything else that can happen if we rattle ourselves up a bit.

For the record and as an interesting fact: The origin of the phrase ‘red line’ in English traces back to the “Red Line Agreement” in 1928 between largest oil companies of Britain, the USA and France at the time of the end of the Ottoman Empire. At the time of signature, the borders of the former empire were not clear, and to remedy the problem an Armenian businessman named Calouste Gulbenkian, took a red pencil to draw in an arbitrary manner the borders of the divided empire. The expression remained significant to global diplomacy and was reused during the UN’s founding after the WWII, especially in the English-speaking world.

Communicate it

In all we want to say but never do, in the things we say but don’t even mean, in the words lost for the emotions we don’t express, there is so much communication that fades between us.

Not everyone has the same way of externalising what they feel, think or even want to say.

But surely there must be a way of sending your message out to others.

Be it by humour – no matter how cold or inappropriate; body language, drawings, lyrics, or any other way, being able to express yourself is an integral necessity of our human nature, and ultimately our survival.

Because if we cannot even understand each other, how can we help each other become the better versions we are capable of?

Support in actions

If you observe the signs around you, you’ll see a lot more than what you’re asking for in a verbal communication. That is, there are some things words cannot express.

Not everyone can – or will – communicate in the way you expect or want them to. Each person has their own way of demonstrating affection. You just have to be open enough to see it.

Sometimes, showing that you care is simply by keeping the house warm for your partner, cooking dinner when their too busy, or simply calling to check in.

There are many ways to be there, even if you’re not physically present.

And at the end of the long, hard days we often have, all we really need is to feel loved and thought of.

That tremendously important realm of feeling

Love comes in different forms. It may develop unexpectedly, or it may rush into you like a hurricane. There is no single word to describe it, because the feelings it affects are endless.

Love is more than just a word. It’s how it makes you feel: the comfort, warmth and safety it embraces you with; the gratitude, fulfillment and joy it causes to overwhelm you; the inexplicable smile, positivity and sunshine that it helps you radiate.

Just like Eskimos have fifty-two names for snow – because it is so vital for them – love may not have as many names, but there are many ways in which to experience it.

Love, is “a tremendously important realm of feeling” (Robert Johnson). It “is the greatest refreshment in life”(Pablo Picasso), because “it is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves” (John Bulwer).

We love in different ways, but we can offer an endless supply of love to various people for different reasons. It is so abundant that it itself is capable of offering life, energy, value, support, the more it is spread. You think of love and you can only evoke positive emotions. Sometimes there is no real reason why you love someone or something. You just do, because of the way it makes you feel. And that is an emotion that is hard to forget.

* World Love Day is celebrated every year on December 14th. The purpose of this day is to put aside all negative feelings, thoughts and words that have been said. To think only positively and the reasons we love our people.

A rose among verses

It was the last thing she found of him after he had left.

Afraid to touch the slightest, she breathed in deeply, desiring to inhale even the air surrounding his belongings.

It was the place where he was inspired; where he once sat and wrote down his deepest thoughts, his innermost emotions, those sentiments that drench our minds but which we don’t have the courage to say out loud.

It seemed like hours had passed before she approached his vintage wooden desk.

A pile of papers lay in disarray, all hand-written verses. And in the middle, strategically placed, was a single, long-stemmed red rose.

She leaned over to read…

“You’ll always be my forever,
My secret, my desire, my happiness;
Even if I lose you, I know you’ll be there,
Running across my mind,
Hiding in my dreams,
Drowning in my sorrows of having let you go.

You’ll forever be my always,
My love, my joy, my wholeness;
Beautiful as the first day I saw you,
Wild, energetic and bright,
Glimmering like the sun,
Sparkling like the stars,
Emanating that positive aura only you possess.

You and me will never be,
That’s what you said,
And it tore me to pieces
Like the verses in my head.

If always and forever were ever really true,
All I would ever want is to spend an eternity with you.”

Turbulent mind

Anger is an innate emotion. A very vivid one too. People tend to get angry, and those who say they never do, clearly lie.

We all experience moments where we feel we are losing control of our emotions. It is natural. Where there is anger, there is pain underneath. And although anger doesn’t solve or change anything, it is a way our body finds to express what is building up inside of it.

Never be fooled in allowing your anger to rule over you. That is when you have truly lost the game.

There is a quote that “anger is the price we pay for someone else’s mistake”. We usually insist that it is others who make us mad; but in truth, we are pained that we allow others to have so much power and effect over us that they influence our emotions and mood. But there are underlying reasons to why we react in certain ways.

Remember, the mind is like water: when it is turbulent, it is difficult to see; but when it is calm, everything becomes clear.

Writing down the truths we cannot say

It is often urged as a step to healing to write down your emotions, your thoughts, everything you keep inside. It is believed that putting the thoughts inside your head on paper is actually a therapeutic form of tension release. The toxins that you keep locked inside will flow via ink on paper and relieve you from the stress.

But it is also a way of getting to terms with a truth you keep concealed even from yourself.

There are so many things going on inside our minds that we tell no one. Sometimes we don’t even admit them to ourselves.

And often that is what hurts us the most. Failure to acknowledge facts keeps our emotions perplexed and maintains our mood in a complex state.

In short, we cannot fix what we do not accept.

So we are urged to write.

We write down made-up stories to tell the truths we wish we could say out loud.

And in these, we hope to find some consolation, some relief, some healing.

Why dance?

©MCD

“So, why do you dance?”

He had been asked many interview questions since his career gained an upward path, but this was by far the most intimate one. It reached right into his soul, past his life experiences, his childhood dreams and wishes, his ambitions and desires. It was the essence of who he was.

“There are so many reasons why,” he began. The emotional charge was already apparent in his eyes and in the tone of his voice that suddenly became softer and quieter.

“I dance because it makes me feel alive. Feeling my body in motion, makes me feel like I’m doing something right, that I’m allowed to experiment in every dimension with every part of my being. All a dancer needs to do is close his eyes and feel the music”.

“I dance because I’m happy, or I’m sad, or I’m angry…I feel through dance. It’s my way of expression. But it is also of healing. I always feel better after I dance”.

“I feel graceful and free when I dance,” he continued. “I feel my aura becoming lighter and brighter and this also helps me culturally and socially connect with others. I feel I am becoming a better person when I dance. And I like that version of me”.

“Dancing is also a way to escape everything that is troubling your mind at the moment. It’s great therapy for the mind and it certainly keeps you active and fit. It is a fun way to exercise and offers many more benefits that are first apparent. All you need to do is try it for yourself and you’ll be convinced”.

The interviewer stared straight into his eyes. She had never received such an honest and long response before.

And, of course, she was now eager for her first dance lesson.