Genuine Smiles

There was a difference between when she smiled wholeheartedly and when she simply forced it. Her aunt knew how to read her. She was just like her. The fake smile caused more muscles to tense. It was strained and didn’t seem natural.

We all have moments like that. When we feel obligated to smile and be courteous when in fact we feel nothing like it at all.

Charlotte saw so much of herself in her niece. Joy lived up to her name most times. But when her aura clouded, it could be sensed a mile away.

“The secret to maintaining that smile is to keep the child inside you alive”, Charlotte said.

Joy tilted her face like a cat in awe.

“Think about it: when we’re simply living in that moment, blurring everything around us to the point that nothing else exists beyond what we’re doing and who we’re with at the present time, aren’t we happier? We shift all our focus to that precise period of time that we don’t care about past or future or anything else that causes us concern and stress. We feel relaxed, playful, carefree, and genuinely happy. Your heart is open to love and…well, joy, and your mind is thinking positively by default. You view the world brighter because you’ve turned the mood switch to that direction”.

Joy smiled, her head turned back straight. The smile was authentic this time.

She didn’t need to say much. Charlotte understood anyway. She gave her a hug. One of those long ones where you wait for the other person to let go first and so you stay entangled for what seems like hours, laughing while you feel each other’s heart vibrate. The embrace was so tight, Charlotte could actually feel the crack that had marked Joy’s emotions.

“We’re all loving people the way we wish we were loved and hurting them the way we wish we were not hurt”.

“How different the world would be if we could – even for an instance – see things from another’s point of view, step in their shoes and view their perspective. How much better everything would be, if we could just let our pride aside for a minute and show some empathy to the people around us, particularly to those we say we care for the most”.

“Sometimes, love has a way of coming back to you”, Charlotte added, loosening the squeeze.

“If it’s meant to be, it won’t miss you. There is always a way if we truly want it”.

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Light and colour

©Trish Nankeville

There’s something inspiring about waking up to light and colour. It helps awaken your senses and boost your mood. And when you emit a positive vibe, you feel more confident, like you can take over the world if you have to.

He would bring her flowers every morning simply to see that radiant smile of hers.

She would beam like spring in bloom and he would boast of a mission accomplished.

It was simple things like that that made every day special. Monotony was dangerous, and boredom was lethal. It was keeping the spark alive that made it all worthwhile.

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Shine a light inside

There are two types of people in the morning: the chirpy one, who chatters, sings, and is hyperactive from the moment they get out of bed; and the one who doesn’t want a single noise to interfere in the still sleeping zen phase they are painfully trying to get out of.

Miranda was the second type.

Alan was the first.

You can see the problem.

The worst was when the only chance they had to discuss about something was before going to work in the morning because often their shifts did not coincide and they could spend entire days without seeing each other. Despite living in the same house, they didn’t always have the energy after work to talk about anything.

This made it all the more complex.

Because she was also the type to keep everything inside. She restrained herself from expressing what bothered her, be it from the slightest of things – from their online presence, to his behaviour towards others, to her problems at work, or financial difficulties.

The body had a mind of its own, though, and it began to demonstrate its anguish and exhaustion in various forms. The signs were ignored and neglect led to stronger pain in every form.

He saw what she refused to.

How she faded her own light and began to personify that “what doesn’t transmit light creates its own darkness” (Marcus Aurelius).

So he surprised her with a week away.

To a place she only dreamed of; where mice and ducks were favourite cartoon characters; where laughter was the only sound you could hear; where to feel the innocence and carefreeness of a child was mandatory.

The flower truck

© Jan Wayne Fields

It was parked in a different neighbourhood each week. Its flowers were so fresh, their aroma oozed right into the windows of the nearest houses.

The middle-aged woman who ran this ‘business’ narrated how it all began from a single flower cut by her partner on one of their daily afternoon walks. “It was seemingly insignificant, but to me it meant the world”, she recounted as her cheeks blushed. “From then on, he would constantly bring me flowers, regardless of how small, they would always make me smile”.

“So I started this truck. Hoping to make other people happy too”.

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Keep calm and sail on

It’s scary when everything seems to flow in order.

It feels like you’re waiting for the storm to arrive.

As if you’re in a canoe blissfully sailing calmly in a river, birds chirping all around, sun shining above, and a cool breeze complementing the ride, but all of a sudden you reach the end of a cliff and a steep waterfall awaits, where – like in movies – you have nowhere to hold on to and you end up falling off, screaming at the top of your lungs, before diving into the water below.

Yes, it might be an exaggeration, or an overreaction, or maybe both.

But nothing lasts forever – neither good nor bad times – and perhaps that is what is most terrifying when it’s all good.

There is not much you can do though, other than what most motivational speakers, life gurus and the like prompt you to: take each day as it comes. Live the moment and you’ll soon see that in creating and indulging in every instant, you build a life, one you’re happy and proud of, and which fulfills every essence of your being.

And that’s all that matters.

The things you shouldn’t know

You know that saying, “it’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt”? Well, it’s true for every age, and all contexts.

Happiness comes in waves. But like love and pain, it comes unexpectedly and leaves the same way.

The key to being happy – and most of all serene – is acknowledging that you yourself and you alone are responsible for that precious feeling. You’re the only one who can control your feelings even if most times it doesn’t seem so easy or plausible to do.

It’s a magical and refreshing sensation to allow yourself to get carried away in the moments. Those instances that take your breath away, that have you tearing with laughter so much that your abs hurt. Those glimpses of time you look back on and smile nostalgically.

But there is always that inexplicable – demonic – hunch that nothing is so perfect; and it won’t last.

So what do you do when you see something you shouldn’t have? What if you notice a message you shouldn’t be aware of? Or overhear a conversation you weren’t meant to? How do you “un-know” things you shouldn’t know? How do you press “undo” on life events?

It’s mindblowing how emotions can change in a millisecond. How your entire perspective can alter by knowing something you shouldn’t. How everything moves from one extreme to another simply because of a differentiation of facts. It’s as quickly as clouds of rain form in a clear blue sky and hail begins to pour.

But that you can’t really control.

Can you?

Or is it there to show you something? Because often things happen to remind you what you deserve and to rethink where you are and what you’re devoting your energy and time on. Is it worth it if you’re not feeling happy, appreciated and valued?

Glow joy

When you first meet a person, you receive a vibe from them; it’s that initial instinct – that hunch – that gives you a sense of what kind of person they are. It’s the aura each person emits that introduces them before they utter a single word.

Auras are in essence the energy field that surrounds us. Because everything is made up of energy, we both emit and receive energy. But that can be either negative or positive, good or bad, depending on our mood, sentimental state, stress, as well as exogenous factors. It’s really a vicious circle: the more vulnerable we feel, the weaker the aura we emit, and the more perceptible it is to negative factors (more stress, anger, bitterness, resentment, sadness etc), that leads to a deterioration of our emotions and consequently further psychosomatic problems.

What we need to realise is that we ourselves are responsible for the energy we put out to the world, and thus our own happiness; but we first need to acknowledge that the meaning of our happiness is something defined by us.

We decide on what we ‘waste’ our energy on, what we devote our time and emotions to, what we allow ourselves to feel and express. The best thing would be to surround ourselves with loving feelings, ones that make us feel worthy, important, and alive. It is said that when you are loved you gain strength, but when you love, you gain courage. And that fills your aura with colour and optimism. And it shows. Because you glow joy. Without even speaking.

Happy state of mind

There are some things you just know; it’s that gut feeling that is almost never wrong. Some call it instinct, intuition, fate, destiny; name it as you wish, but that energy you receive from within actually helps direct your decisions, even unconsciously.

He felt it as soon as he shook her hand and she smiled brightly at him, her eyes sparkling like stars in the darkness of the room.

The music around them was loud, but they heard nothing. For that moment, it was just them. That’s how you block out the world. When you reach a true connection with someone.

It’s inexplicable how and why. How we meet these people during the ‘right’ time in our lives; how we never met them before even if we hang in the same circles and with the same people; and why we come across them when we’re ready to truly unite on all levels.

Be it a best friend who becomes your support, your shoulder to cry on, your harshest critic, but above all your family; or be it your soulmate (if there ever is one), the one who completes you, who makes your heart flutter, and who gets you smiling broadly at the single thought of them; people with whom we connect so deeply are invaluable. Because they become the light in our darkest hours, the people who lift us up when we’re crawling, who make us see our worth when we refuse to do so, who help us achieve our targets, who assist us on our path towards becoming the product of our dreams.

We need people like these in our life, however rare they may be. Because, ultimately, they are the ones who make us the better versions of ourselves. And that matters more than anything. For that is when we are at our most productive, most healthy, and most happy state of mind.

What if we were really ‘fine’?

We search for advice in self-help books, teachings, seminars, life coaches and gurus. As if a resonating, well-put phrase will magically heal us from all our troubles and problems. We search for a solution without even attempting to look for it within ourselves, because we want someone else to handle this burden for us.

We do the same in our relationships.

We expect too much from others, and blame them for not living up to our expectations.

But we also tire easily as we mature. We’ve been through the same vicious circle too many times to still be so tolerant of it. We decide faster and more critically of what we believe we can live with and give a chance to, and who/what not.

Yet in this insatiable quest for social completeness, we often find that what current relationships are lacking is depth. Actually depth. To be able to look at someone and see whatever it is they are trying to conceal. People are hardly ever what they (initially) seem or what they want to portray. And we may spend a lifetime trying to discover their true character and actually failing to. If a person won’t let you in, won’t let you past the limits they’ve set to the outer world, won’t allow you in-depth access, you’ll never really know who they are. And it’s a shame. Because you will never know how connected you can become to a person otherwise.

It’s not just about having fun and filling in the gaps of your social calendar. Relationships are much more. It’s about dancing till dawn drunk, but also about grabbing a coffee and hydrating the next morning; about chatting incessantly for days, yet sitting quietly enjoying a meal together; it’s about sharing your innermost fears without feeling criticised, and feeling safe that you’ll hear a truth that comes from a good-hearted place and is solely for your own benefit. The right relationships help empower you; they make you stronger, more confident, and happier.

And in the end, that’s what we’re all looking for: a reason to be ‘fine’ and genuinely mean it.

Village air

©Sandra Crook

When he said he wanted to withdraw from the hectic routine his life had become, no one really imagined this is what he meant.

Months after being off-grid and out of range of all communication, his friends finally found him in a rural village driving a truck full of hay.

He had grown a beard that made him look somewhat more scruffy but in a charming way. But he seemed so much more relaxed and genuinely happy.

“I like it here,” he said, and for the first time he wasn’t pretending. It was true. The village air had rejuvenated him.

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