Another Box

When we prepare to move house, we fill up boxes. Stuff that sometimes we didn’t even know we had that is, however, too valuable to throw away. We place things in boxes often for temporary storage. To transfer them somewhere else. To keepsake them still.

We position things in boxes even to just organize our rooms. But whatever is placed inside is something we hold dear, objects that are tied to sentiments, events, and people, but mostly memories. It is the reminiscence of how we felt when we were first given that particular item, flower, stuffed toy, photo, souvenir, ticket, letter, post-it, or whatever it is we cherish so much.

It’s the feeling we try to hold on to. Because that is what is so hard to accept letting go of. The emotion. That sense of happiness that overwhelmed us during the presence of the now-boxed item.

We fill our lives with boxes because, unfortunately, we cannot do so in our minds. The chaos in our heads often breaks relationships out of exaggerated minute disagreements. Our tolerance diminishes as we grow older and we prefer to fill up boxes, no matter how big or small, and move on. Or at least convince ourselves to do so. To rediscover our own self, to build our strength again in the hope that the next box we will fill will be only to be moved somewhere better to be reopened.

Advertisement

The wrong stop

When you accidentally get on the wrong train to another destination, sometimes trust the universe in taking you somewhere else. There is a reason things don’t happen as you wish, and sometimes when you are directed on another path, just follow it. It may save you a lot of heartbreak, inadvertent disagreements, and unpleasant truths.

We so stubbornly want things to go our way, we often dismiss the signs that tell us otherwise. Timing is everything in the end. It’s knowing when to engage in conflict; to choose the battles you make; the moment to speak and what to say; when to stay away or come closer; when to act or do nothing at all. Timing makes a world of difference. And it may be the making or breaking point of any relationship or initiative.

It’s not only the will to do something that matters. It’s also how you choose to do it or convey the message you’re trying to send out. Communication is key. But comprehension is also important. We tend to forget that. We all want to be feel seen and heard, but mostly we want to feel understood. Love can heal all wounds, even in the toughest of times. And the simplest form of love is giving someone your presence.

Memorable ruins

© Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

It was during that first visit together to some ancient ruins that he felt she was changing his life. She had already known it when she randomly accepted to go on a trip with him without even knowing his last name.

But it’s the spontaneity that brings out the truest version of you; they both believed that.

It was one of the most memorable trips they had experienced.

It was what started it all.

And it was what he recalled months later when he finally understood her warning that what he wouldn’t appreciate, someone else would cherish and value more.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

In another life

©MCD

He knew he wouldn’t live long enough to offer her everything she merited. Even if she didn’t voice it at first, he could sense it that she would soon grow to silently request more from him. More attention, more experiences, more laughter, more love, more life, more time.

But he had none to give.

Some meetings in life are just meant to happen. They all have something to teach you, but not all have happy endings. Some simply serve to make us stronger and more resilient to life’s challenges. He knew that when he was diagnosed with an incurable illness that pretty much ended life as he knew it. It all seemed like a morbid countdown after that moment. So, he vowed not to fall in love. It would not be fair to the other person if they reciprocated that love to him.

But we don’t always get what we want.

She captured his gaze from the minute her eyes fell upon his. Her bright smile made his heart flutter and he knew in an instant that his own vow was broken.

As much as he tried to stay away, he just couldn’t. He was drawn to her like bees to a flower. But she too loved spending time with him. He made her laugh and she was all the happier for it. And in return she made him feel alive.

When she started dreaming of a future life together, he broke. Because he knew he couldn’t offer her any of it. But how do you tell someone that?

As hard as it was, he became distant. He would inadvertently hurt her no matter what he said. The day he felt it was over, that the sand in the hourglass had run out, he poured out his emotions in a letter soaked in his tears.

Life is cruel at times. It presents you with people and things that imbue life inside you and then in a sudden instant takes it all away. Meeting you was the most wonderful part of my short-lived life. I wish I had more time to give you the world you are worth, to make it all work like I promised, to fulfil the visions and dreams that are now left hanging. I want to say I’m so deeply sorry, but I am not to blame for the cards fate dealt me, only the fact that I pulled you close to me despite knowing that I had no time left. I’m grateful for every moment I spent with you. I wish you continue to radiate beauty into this harsh world and deeply hope you will find everything you seek and so deserve. In another life, we would have had every single thing we dreamt of and so much more…

Remember

©MCD

Do you remember the thunder?
The glow of lightning when our eyes first met.
The sensation of forever engulfed us from the start.
You felt that too, you later said.

Do you remember the laughter?
The inside jokes only we could comprehend.
The funny little intimacies,
That were only ours and we alone shared.

Do you remember the adventures?
The outdoors we so loved to explore.
The long walks and talks,
On which we discovered one another even more.

Do you remember the sunsets?
Those tranquil moments of our own.
The golden hours,
When everything seemed so serene and aglow.

Do you remember the nights?
When I would cocoon into your embrace.
When I wanted more hugs and wouldn’t let you move away.
When you would unconsciously pull me sleepily into your arms again.

Do you remember all this?
Now that life took a different turn.
Can you endure the silence?
Of a ‘love you’ and ‘miss you’ that go unheard.
Will you act to change it?
When you know it’s what love like this deserves.

Forever alley

© Rowena Curtin

It was in that alley I realised I knew. And I told you too. When you asked me how I knew I loved you, I told you it was because I couldn’t remember what my life was like without you. Before you.

When you became a part of my world, you changed it intrinsically. I couldn’t recall what it was like without your long late-night calls, your random texts during the day to check up on me, our inside jokes, those silent looks that said everything, and so much more that made us ‘us’.

The alley’s name: “Rue de l’Éternité”.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Disappointed but not surprised

Every new month we start with the hope that things will be better in the next 30 days. We garner all the optimism we sort of lost along the way during the previous month to start over.

Until it crashes over our head much sooner than we’d hoped for.

Perhaps we are living out a self-fulfilling prophecy in that we expect to be disappointed so we’re just waiting for it to happen. But what if this pattern is a recurring one? What if the circumstances around us simply lead up to that painful loss of optimism? Or maybe it’s just that we hope for a lot.

In the past few months (or even years) we’ve been through so much – so many ridiculous, unperceivable, irrational situations – that we’re no longer surprised by anything. Yet, we’re still left disappointed.

And that is the worst feeling of all.

Maya Angelou had said that “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

We desire the people closest to us – to whom we confide our deepest insecurities, thoughts, and dreams – to actually do what it is they proclaim.

Rhetoric is easy. You just tell the others what they want to hear. But it’s in the implementation that most are found wanting. It’s the actions that will prove who you are and how much you care. And it’s in the adversities – when you need a clan around you the most – that you’ll see who truly values and supports you. It’s all bright when you’re having fun, but when lightning hits and you’re called to confront the difficulties, who is by your side?

We rethink everything when the world overturns. It’s a push to awaken when we’re caught doing the same mistakes. When we still believe that everyone loves and cares the way we do; at times, prioritising others’ needs above our own because that’s just who we are.

We expect our people to support us in all our endeavours, professional efforts, and personal goals. To push us to be better and to help us maintain our sanity and serenity. Who will demonstrate their encouragement through the slightest of things: a virtual like on a social media post, a digital heart on our business page, an online follow to keep us going. It’s the people you can turn to at any time – be it in the middle of the day or at 2 am – because that’s when you want to speak your heart out. The people who will understand your burden and who will sit and listen to you despite having a great day themselves. The people who will try to soothe your distress because they respect, empathize, and acknowledge that that is what you need at the moment. Who will use a calming tone to communicate with you because criticism and patronisation won’t help.

Showing you care doesn’t mean moving mountains. Love is in the little things; it’s in the time you devote, the priorities you set, and the concern you show. It’s in making the other person feel safe and cherished, that they’re important and worth fighting for.

The more we mature and the more we experience certain things in life, the better we learn to appreciate the people who stand by us regardless. Unfortunately, we don’t always receive the support from the people we anticipate it the most. And we continue to realise it in a hard way. But we should be thankful that there is a handful who will help us pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and move ahead because that’s what we do best. Egoism is bad if it borders narcissism and arrogance, but it is often good if it helps you build confidence and makes you realise your value.

We keep telling ourselves to expect less to avoid disappointment, yet that too is on the list of things easier said than done.

Hearts apart

A good friend once advised me that in any relationship you should not give too much all at once and up front. It will prompt greed, because people always want more but are too selfish to admit it is so.

Unfortunately, some people can’t help being kind, and giving others their all, unconditionally, without asking for anything in return. Nothing other than acknowledgment and respect.

Some things that are obvious for some are not at all for others. But when you have to ask for even those common-sense issues, their value is automatically lost.

We grow irritated and angry when we feel we are not taken into account, when we are not prioritised as highly as we wish, when we witness that our voices are not heard.

Anger leads to rage, and as our hearts grow further apart we yell to cover the distance.

Have you noticed that? We shout when we’re angry even if we’re standing two feet apart, because we sense the other is not hearing us, not grasping what we’re saying, because we keep repeating the same things without any change, without progress. We speak simply for reiterating each one’s position. Not to discuss and resolve whatever issues arise for whatever reason.

We may presume someone else’s worries are petty. But that does not mean we should treat them as such. Respect is seeing the world through another’s eyes. Wondering how you would act in their shoes. And helping them settle the crisis.

Caring is demonstrating that you value the other regardless of what your prior actions may have proven to them. It is a simple as that: show it.

If love is the only way to soothe the yelling and reconnect our hearts, all we have to do is display it. Otherwise, there is no point in even trying.

Perhaps that was the problem in the first place; that we tried too hard; expected too much; and got disenchanted too soon.

Poems of sentiments

Poems don’t have to rhyme, or make much sense.

They just need to speak to you, and reflect what is meant to be said or heard.

It is through these words that we express what we feel, and how deep that sentiment goes.

Perhaps you haven’t felt it so, perhaps that is why you never said anything of the sort.

You compressed those feelings together with the words, lest they escaped and found their way towards me.

But I was never scared of showing you, of allowing my joy to be shared with you.

Perhaps I should have been. Perhaps I should have constrained those sentiments tighter.

For I believed that you would appreciate it all more; you would acknowledge the value of what we had, if you heard it too, if you saw in words the positivity our togetherness reflected.

But you did not.

And that is where it was all lost.

Perhaps I cared too much, much more than you were willing to.

Perhaps you didn’t feel as strong. Or simply refused to admit it.

But I cannot press you to care. You either do it fully or not at all.

There will come a time when you will want to say it all in your own words.

Yet, I cannot promise you that I’ll still be here to listen.

On the occasion of World Poetry Day.

Wine a little

© Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

“Listen, if you’re going to whine about things, you might as well do it with a good bottle of wine”, he said as he opened the door to an antique wine cellar.

You could smell the ageing cork as the labels indicated the years-old wine that adorned the shelves.

“You’re disappointed because you constantly expect too much. But worse, because you assume too much.

You say you prefer to know the truth and be disappointed than to wonder, but you do both and don’t avoid the heartbreak either way.

Get over yourself and your fictional scenarios. It’s the only way”.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers