High walls

©Lisa Fox

The problem with setting boundaries and lifting up walls is that people will get upset when you finally do. Some conveniently exploit your inability to often say ‘no’ and it startles them once you do. When you begin to demand more, you’ll meet resistance. We seek more because we give out more too. But fairness in this world doesn’t work that way. And it’s something we learn in pain.

We build walls to protect ourselves. Our values and our own well-being. And those who see that, who love us regardless, will climb them up or surpass them to find us.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Advertisement

The only way is up

©MCD

There is a wonderful quote by Soren Kierkegaard that often comes to mind in tumultuous times: “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards”. We thus need to learn from the past but keep moving.

At times of emotional charge, we tend to think that we’re constantly running into our past no matter how much we try to avoid it. We see hurtful behaviours repeating, and we’re drawn into the same vicious pattern of not understanding what isn’t functioning as it should or as it so promisingly appeared to at the start.

When we’re faced with new opportunities, we want a refreshing start. We feel that there is so much out there to discover and it is revitalising when someone acknowledges your value (sometimes even more than you) and is offering you the chance to expand your potential.

The key is to not give up even when you feel you’ve hit rock bottom. There is only one way left after that, and that is up.

Whom you share good news with is a sign of whom you consider family. It’s the same people who will console you and help you pick up your pieces when you’re too exhausted too. Those people who despite their own troubles will be happy for you in your success and support you regardless. We want that cheering crowd for us. It helps us move forward.

Not stopping is what will help us survive, after all. And let’s remember, “every action you take is a vote for the person you wish to become” (James Clear), so make your habits regular actions of excellence that will only serve to raise your value.

The mistakes we make

We all spend certain periods pondering on everything we go through, mainly trying to realise the mistakes we make and what went wrong in dealing with them.

The biggest mistake we make is allowing people to stay in our lives far longer than they deserve.

We put up with behaviours that are toxic.

And we usually are to blame for that because we see it coming; we see them behaving perfectly one day, and then disappearing the next.

We waste time because we want to believe people change.

But the truth is, people only change if they really want to; not because you want them to.

Being nice is one thing; but we need to learn to say ‘no’,

You’ll see it’s liberating.

To set limits. To say ‘enough’ and end things. To move on and change whatever you don’t like.

We live in a society so twisted, that we’re surprised when we meet someone ‘normal’, with whom we can communicate without too much effort, who makes us laugh with witty humour, and, above all, who stays, who shows a consistency in their initial, pleasant and courteous behaviour.

It’s a shame that this is now the case. Because we sort of take all that for granted, or as common sense.

Kindness should be a given. But if you pay attention, you’ll realise that even a smile nowadays is rare. That’s why people who wear it more actually shine brighter.