Where you’re going

Do you know why you stumble so much? Because you’re not looking to the road ahead; instead, you’re eyeing all the obstacles you’re trying to avoid.

It’s simple: Look where you’re going because you will inevitably go where you are looking.

Choose your perspective carefully.

This goes for everything in life: from the job you’re trying to do without mistakes, to the words you want to write, to the goals you set for your future.

We evolve by focusing on what we want and where we want to be, not on what we don’t want. You can’t stop your mind from not thinking about something. It doesn’t work that way. But we can turn that negative into something positive. Instead consider what you do want to focus your energy, time, and motivation on.

When you start becoming a better version of yourself, you’ll see that the world will also appear to become better, brighter, and more beautiful.

Advertisement

There is no try

“But what if I try and fail?”

“Well, that’s better than if you’ve never tried at all.” She laughed and her smile spread wide across her face.

“The only way you’ll change something is if you take the risk and do something you’ve never done before.

Keep in mind that sometimes, to go from a bad place to a better place we need to go through a worse place. It’s a paradox, but see it as a necessary evil. If you don’t fall flat on your face, you won’t know what it feels like if you fail. Once you learn that, you’ll be more determined to succeed and…well, fly! Make sense?”

He was timid. But perhaps that was the problem to begin with. He hadn’t developed enough confidence to cope with this world. Often, we need to suffer, to crash and fall, in order to get up stronger, wiser and more stubborn to make things work.

There is no try; just do.

Walk with me

©MCD

“Walk with me.”

It sounded ominous, but it wasn’t. It was a pure request, almost like a plead. She loved walking by the sea and in the mountains; it helped clear her mind. And it was a chance to bond with him. He would ramble on about his ongoing projects, his thoughts, aims, and future plans, and she would listen, offer some ideas, and often her perceptions too. It was relaxing because, in those couple of hours of just placing one foot before the other and moving forward, they would simultaneously escape reality and engage in their own one.

But for days now, even this habit was forlorn.

He “didn’t have time for it”, he said. But she knew that was nonsense. We always have time to do what we truly want. It’s not time he didn’t have, it was the desire. And that is what saddened her the most.

We all have our own perspectives on even the simplest of things. Going for a walk, for some, is a way of coming closer together. For others, it is a mere form of exercise.

She would walk regardless of the company, however. She would listen to music or podcasts and allow her mind to wander away in the clean air, among the trees, high up in the sky; to drift away, get lost in a myriad of thoughts, give birth to new ideas, renew optimism, and return stronger and more prepared to face everyday life.

Walking was a remedy for the challenges that perplex us.

Try it: take in some fresh air, breathe deeply, and just…walk.

View from the top

©MCD

It was a beautiful sunny day. A refreshing break from the winter mornings that had preceded it. It was as if nature had awakened in full glory with all its senses. It was a great day for a mountain trek.

They were alone, but that didn’t matter at all apart from a few safety risks.

As the best way to discover new places – and a new part of yourself – is to go on paths you’ve never gone before, they decided to take a turn they’d never seen. They were bound to discover something new; an unforgettable trekking experience.

The path was at times narrow and covered with bushes, at others steep and rocky, uphill and slippery, or straight and smooth. Like life itself, it was not a straight line ahead nor was it easy.

But the best views are indeed found at the top, and despite the difficult trajectory and the tiredness that ensued, they were compensated by the most beautiful panoramic views of a city that had much to offer if only you allowed it to.

We’ll only move forward in every way if we finally take that first step. And just keep going. It will all be worth it. Eventually.

Serenity aflame

©MCD

Tell me something. When you retreat into a peaceful cabin in the woods do you expect to be hassled by electric drills just when you’ve reached your zen moment? Do you not anticipate finding peace and quiet in the solitude away from everything and everyone? Do you really meditate with one eye open worrying about what will disturb that serenity?

No, right?

So why do we allow distractions to constantly mess with our minds? Any form of distractions.

It’s so easy nowadays to let things get to our heads. We take everything personally and we more often than not regret the things we did do rather than what we didn’t. We repent the moment we spoke out instead of saying nothing; that instance we opened our heart to a person we trust in the hope that it would bring us closer; all those things that you spent hours wondering whether to share or not and you eventually did. But we remorse the action because it didn’t have the desired effect; in some cases, even the opposite, causing a rift for no particular reason.

We are caught in an incessant loop of overthinking, overanalysing, and realising self-fulfilling prophecies. We experience the things we fear because we’re unconsciously searching for something to go wrong, somewhere to place the blame. We’ve convinced ourselves that when things are too good to be true, they usually are, and we’re continuously probing for that hitch that would set our peace aflame.

If we would just get out of our heads and simply accept things as they are – as smooth and calm as they may be at times; not every situation must have a problem to solve – we would all be so much better off.

The truth is, if you can’t commit exclusively and wholeheartedly to something, you’ll never seriously make it happen. Not even your own peace.

It’s as simple as that.

How to climb a mountain

Teo was adamant. “Take one hour a day and do nothing. Because even when you’re doing nothing, you’re actually doing something for yourself.”

“Relax. At least try. Turn off all screens. Put on some music. Go for a walk. Breathe. Clear your mind. Let all those thoughts out. Tell them to someone, and if you can’t speak them, write them down. Just get them out of your system. It will alleviate the burden you carry.”

“Just live every moment as it comes. We don’t need to worry about what may or may not happen all the time. Enjoy now. It’s all we have. ‘The future is composed of nows’, remember?”.

“Accept things for what they are. It is what it is. The less resistance you pose against reality, the less pain you’ll experience, and the lighter and more carefree you’ll feel.”

“So, what did we say: How do you climb a mountain? One step at a time.”

“Just breathe. It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to. The universe knows where it’s directing you. It’ll be better than you expected. And it will help you evolve. You’ll become better too. It’s certain.”

Let’s make a pact

You know those New Year resolutions we already forget in the second week of the year? Well, what if we were consistent in keeping them? Or rather, what if we set more feasible goals that were easier and more plausible to implement?

We have this hope – or expectation if you please – that what we’re doing on the first day of the year is how we’ll spend the rest of the year too. So, we put on our most elegant clothes, choose the company of our most loved ones, and try to be as happy as possible having fun. But is that illusion realistic? That we can maintain this atmosphere and emotion all 365 days through?

Life has its ups and downs and that is a reality we cannot ignore.

Stress is inevitable, as a psychiatrist friend highlights, we’re bound to be thrown off balance, but the emotional anxiety it is accompanied with is something we can be trained to manage.

When we allow ourselves to fall into unprecedented bursts of anger it’s because we’ve been suppressing too many feelings for too long, of the sentiment that our viewpoint is not being understood no matter how hard we try to explain ourselves. Panic attacks set in because we’re not able to promptly manage the stress that surrounds us. But what if we could train our minds to be as happy, calm, and serene as on that very first day of the new year? It’s not easy. But it’s not impossible either.

When something goes wrong, we are bombarded with a myriad of thoughts, mostly negative. But what we most lament is the time we lost. We feel that we are in a constant race against time in life and when things go south it’s the first thing that comes to mind and causes additional anguish. The time we allow to pass without doing the things that help us grow, things that we enjoy, being in places that calm us, being embraced and pampered by the people we love.

When we’re having fun, we don’t pay attention to how quickly time passes. When we’re not, that’s when it becomes more obvious. Because we miss things. We miss the things that bring a smile to our face, the people who make us laugh, but most of all the person we are when we’re with them.

What if we made a resolution to be stronger this year? To tolerate more but also less, to set healthy boundaries (which is always not as easy as it sounds), to laugh more and sustain yourself as best as you can?

What if we made a pact to make the most of every single passing minute?

Kings or Pawns

It was Napoleon who said that “in this life we are either kings or pawns; emperors or fouls.” He was right, you know.

You either choose to react to anything you don’t agree with in this world and be named a rebel, or you remain a victim (and accomplice) to it.

Take so many instances of daily life: that job you’re expected to do asap – meaning yesterday – and you’re constantly pressed for time, but when you’re anticipating a reply, the other party takes all the time in the world. That ‘urgent’ matter that in reality is of minor importance yet is presented as a life-changing event for which you must stop everything else to address.

Those bills you’re called to pay for which you are often given no justification but which you are obliged to in every way and are threatened with fines if you don’t.

And the worst of all is that argument that “that’s what everyone does”, or “that’s how it is”, or even more, “that’s how it’s always been”.

Just think of flies: millions of them are attracted to crap, but that doesn’t mean this would be delicious for you too.

Remember: Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s right. And just because no one is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

So why not alter things?

Just because something has been done for so long in a certain way doesn’t necessarily mean it is the right way, or that there is no better mode to achieve the desired end. But if you don’t try to differentiate, you’ll never know. You won’t find something else – something potentially better – if you don’t take a different path.

But it is essentially your choice. Because every change begins with a vision and a decision to take action. And change begins at the end of your comfort zone. Growth and evolution occur the minute you decide to break that conventional / traditional cycle.

You will decide who you want to be and how you want to react in this world. Chin up or head down. The choice is yours.

When you think you’ve failed, you haven’t

© Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Thomas Edison stumbled and failed numerous times before achieving one of humanity’s greatest discoveries: the light bulb.  But he never gave up. That was what made him succeed.

“I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.” This is one of his most famous quotes, used abundantly for motivation and inspiration when we feel lost.

He also said that “when you think you’ve exhausted all options, remember this: you haven’t.”

We limit our own selves by what we choose to believe.

The world has far more to offer than what our mind tells us.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Getting lost

“Have you ever sent someone in the wrong direction?”

I stared at her, troubled, not knowing what to answer. Or rather, how to answer that politely.

Jenna was amazed at how many people would ask me for directions on a single outing. And that’s in a neighbourhood I don’t even know very well. Heck, I don’t even know my own neighbourhood.

“What do you mean?” I responded perplexed.

“I consider it an achievement if someone asks me something and I actually know where it is to tell them!”

I’m the kind of person who gets lost two blocks down their house.

Yes, it happens.

When you have absolutely no sense of orientation whatsoever, getting lost is the easiest, simplest, and the most rational thing that can happen to you.

I was once told to “just continue straight ahead down the road” to the Metro station, and I got lost somehow, having to ask Google, the GPS, and a passer-by for help, in order to reach the desired destination 15 minutes later.

It happens.

And it is absolutely natural.

We’re not all born with a tracking system or a compass inside our heads.

It’s not easy finding your way around.

It’s actually an accomplishment getting somewhere without a GPS, and if you manage to go alone (helpless) a second time around, it is really something to be proud of. Let alone if you take a different route to get there.

So, you can just imagine the confidence booster it is when someone asks you for directions and you genuinely know the correct answer to help them get there.

Of course, you’ll get a few people lost first before you consolidate the route in your head to be able to pass on the knowledge.

But that’s just something that happens too.