Breaking the silence

©MCD

“What’s wrong?” Miguel asked as he wrapped his arm around her.

He knew sunsets were her favourite hour. That golden moment when nature seemed at peace, and you could feel serene.

“Nothing”, Adeline feigned.

He read through her reflex reaction that everything was not as fine as she claimed. Her eyes weren’t as shiny as when she really meant that. Other times, he could see the last of the sun’s rays reflect off her glistening emerald pupils. And her smile was genuine. Now she just seemed tired. Or, rather, exhausted. Emotionally.

He perplexed his mind for a minute, wondering whether it was worth asking again, pushing for a different answer.

What he couldn’t tell was that she was restraining herself from saying everything that caused chaos in her head.

She couldn’t figure out how it was all roses one minute, and in a single second, due to a single phrase, everything was upturned.  She was upset not only with the way he behaved towards other females – in her presence even – but most of all by the fact that he could hardly identify the problem.

People want to feel they are exclusively loved and valued. Much more so when they’re in a relationship. They want the security that their partner places them above all others, regardless of history or social connections. And it goes both ways. Every kind of relationship needs compromise and concessions. From both. Otherwise the balance doesn’t work.

By the time she decided to say something, the ferry boat had reached the port. And now the time was unsuitable.

He continued as if nothing happened.

But for her it was not as easy.

Silence is hard to keep. But when you break it, you need to be certain that what you’ll say is more important.

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Up and down

There is one thing he said when Monica was too young to comprehend it:

“They want to see you do good but never better than them”.

It was during a conversation about ‘friends’ who turn out to be envious instead of happy with their friends’ successes.

“Insecure people put others down to raise themselves up”.

That, she realised a few years later. When she could finally understand that it was not her fault that things were working out. She was simply open to life as it happened, and knew how to exploit opportunities and enjoy things.

Some people can’t handle that.

They need to find something wrong with others to prove themselves right. And instead of counting their own blessings, they focus on those of others. Because in essence, they want to see you do well, but never better than them. That’s the problem. Because real friends rejoice with your delight, and that magnifies the positive sentiment.

If we focused on transmitting positive vibes instead of jealousy and spite, wouldn’t this world be more colourful?

The original painting

©Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

When we were kids at school, we would indulge in painting with watercolours. The more colourful our drawing would be, the better, and the happier it made us.

As kids, we would have the same palette of colours, but each one would produce a unique creation.

As grown-ups, we try to copy each other down to every minute detail. Jealousy has become a spiteful characteristic of adults, fighting over who will show they were first in doing something, regardless if they know the truth.

The original is always better than the copy, though, and it is evident which is which.

“You have your brush, you have your colours, you paint the paradise, then in you go” – Nikos Kazantzakis

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Waking a sleeping fire

There are some feelings, which are dormant until they are sparked into life. Like jealousy and fear. You don’t realise they are so intense until they’re awake. Because then it feels that you’ve set a match on fire inside your veins.

It is said no to “do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you”. To treat people as you would like to be treated, because even the nicest people have their limits. And we are raised to understand how people of different classes, backgrounds or even gender are so unlike yet so similar.

Women, for example, want men to cherish them as special and exclusive, just as men want their girl to bedazzle everyone but have eyes only for them. But at various points in time, each need to enter each other’s shoes to understand and to consider how they would act had they been on the other side.

Trust, just as love, is a two-way street. And it is earned through time, experience and mutual respect. Trust is what you convince others to be true, it is what allays their fears and combats the dragons that rise when one part of the pair is away. Love is how you show you care, so much that it is reciprocated.

And to harmonise it all into a healthy relationship requires that you also rid of any signs of selfishness that infect the invisible chain that binds a couple. It entails that communication is so strong that their eyes can speak straight to their heart. It needs love to roar louder than the demons.

All it really takes is a small act of kindness once in a while that will go a long way. One that will put the demons asleep and waken the heart. Because remember, the heart is a tiny organ that, however, sustains your entire being and it is on this that your very existence relies.

 

Also part of Daily Prompt: Dormant

Also part of Daily Prompt: Harmonize

Don’t sing too often

In these contemporary times, where everything is public and in plain sight, there is the prevailing sentiment that everyone wants what’s best for you, as long as it’s not better than what they have. Jealousy is a nasty thing. Envy is even worse.

According to the ancient Greek poet Callimachus, “jealousy is the daughter of self-love and inseparable sister of envy and malice.”

Jealous people are often insecure, feeling inferior towards others, or desiring something that the other has. But jealousy is a negative emotion, transmitting a gloomy aura.

Paulo Coelho says “never hate jealous people. They are jealous because they think you are better than them”. The simple knowledge of this fact should suffice.

But there is something more.

Sometimes we are the ones who provoke this so-called “evil eye”, because we so want to share our good fortune, our happiness and optimism with others. In the era of social networking and continuous (digital) exposure, however, this isn’t exactly the best option.

There is a relevant story on precisely this: once upon a time, there was this little sparrow, who while flying south for the winter froze solid and fell to the ground. And then to make matters worse the cow crapped on him, but the manure was all warm and it defrosted him. So there he is, he’s warm and he’s happy to be alive and he starts to sing. A hungry cat comes along and he clears off the manure and he looks at the little bird and then he eats him. And the moral of the story is this: everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy, and everyone who gets you out of crap is not necessarily your friend, and if you’re warm and happy no matter where you are you should just keep your big mouth shut.

There are some people who draw misery out of the happiness of others. There are those who instead of turning jealousy into a productive impulse to become better themselves, convert it into envy and attempt to darken the lives of others. So perhaps let us rather see how we can make our own souls brighter, stirring from within us the change and improvement we seek, and let’s try to envy others less, as they may be managing to do exactly what we hesitate to act upon.

That very thin line

Some people come into our lives without us realizing it. Until the proper time comes, that is. For Cristina that was the case. Because her and Jacob’s path had crossed many time over the past year. But none of them had noticed. They were too busy living their lives at that moment to realise where fate was pushing them to.

The first time they collided, they literally ran into each other. She was getting off a bus and he was racing to catch the next one. They crashed, but being too concerned with the time pressure they were both facing, they did not even exchange glances.

A few times, they frequented the same night bar with separate groups of friends. But they never saw each other.

When they finally met, they were at a bar waiting for their drinks. He offered to pay for hers, but she politely refused. He tried to offer her another a few minutes later. She hesitated but decided to accept. He asked for her number and showed he was eager to see her again soon. She found it too quick a move and discretely dismissed him. For her, he was not even worth it.

But he persisted. And decided to chase her. She decided to give him the chance.

He sent her flowers, took her on long walks on the beach at sunset, and revealed a romantic side to him that few men admit to having.

She fell for him.

But then she saw something different. She saw how men can be just as jealous – or even more – as women. And she disliked the way he was looking for opportunities to make her feel bad.

She discovered that there is a very thin line between love and hate. Because there are people we love to hate and others we hate because we love them so much. It’s confusing, but no-one ever said that the human race was a simple species to understand.

There were so many instances when she knew she should be angry at him, but all she could feel was sorrow. At the time wasted being upset with stupid little things, and not spending it together.

Her psychiatrist friend had told her that “people make us feel the way we allow them to”. She also tried to make her see that there was no use in trying to find justification for everything. “An explanation will come only when you don’t need it anymore. And it will usually be even less than the one you expect”.

All she could do was remain true to the person she was. To be patient and optimistic that things would turn around for the best once and for all, and she could finally stop being afraid of actually saying or feeling what she truly felt.

 

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.”  – Bernard Shaw

Treacherous Love

She could understand when he would arrive because her heart skipped a beat. It was as if she had a telepathic sensor locked with his presence and she could sense him coming a mile away. She found herself longing for the moment she would see him again and couldn’t wait for the time to pass until that ‘next time’. She knew it was wrong. But she couldn’t help it.

She hoped he felt the same. He seemed to show that he did. She felt so safe and natural with him. As if the entire world disappeared in his arms, melting away in his kiss. But it never lasted for more than a few hours. And that prickled her heart like a rose losing its petals and having only its thorns remain. And as time passed, it hurt all the more.

They both knew it was wrong. Their society would not accept it. She was betrothed to someone else. Someone she had never seen before the day of her wedding. And he returned home to another. One others chose for him. She couldn’t stand the thought that someone else was sharing the most private moments of his life. She wanted that to be her. She wanted to be the extension to his arm.

They moved into this relationship knowing what they were getting into. They promised it would be carnal, to satisfy the lust they felt for each other. Yet, she fell deeper. She allowed herself to fall in love with him. To get stuck onto a reckless path, one she nonetheless enjoyed. And each time she saw him, talked to him, touched him, she was swept away further. Into a loop she knew she would never be able to untangle from. She found herself begging him to stay when she knew she should not even be there. His name constantly echoed in her mind. He was all she could think of and kept hoping he did the same. She could not step back though. Not now. Because they were both in too deep. And, quite frankly, she didn’t want to either.

Nothing safe is worth the dive. So maybe, she thought, it’s not really about that happy ending that they know will never come. It’s about the story they share together. And maybe that would make it all worth it. Because some hearts are meant to be broken, so that others can find their happiness.

Witch Wars

Gisella was a witch. But she didn’t know it. Not until when she was 22 years old and fell head over heels in love with a boy. A boy who, however, had another girlfriend. That is when Gisella realized the power she had.

For days she ached for his attention. She longed for the moment his eyes would meet hers, for when they would exchange a few words and he would make her laugh so easily. But then, she would show up. That dyed-blonde, tall, I’m-so-pretty-and-I-know-it type of girl who was always hanging off his arm. Gisella was jealous. Inside of her, a green-eyed monster was brewing with rage. All she wanted to do was get her out of the picture in some way, so she could be the one to enjoy the young man’s attention. But how?

She suddenly remembered that on her 18^th birthday her great aunt had given her an old leather-bound notebook. She had told her that she would know when she would need it. The aunt passed away three months later. Gisella searched for it at the back of her closet and finally opened it. Inside were hand-written psalms, spells, recipes for potions and remedies for all sorts of “illnesses” – heartaches, diseases and the like, both good and bad. Obviously, her great aunt had been a witch. Or just very insane.

Jealousy had taken over Gisella’s entire being and all she could think of was how to conquer the young man. So she decided to try out a spell. After all, what was the worst that could happen?

She made a potion that seemed fairly easy and used ingredients found around the house. Plus a hair from the young man in question which she acquired with dexterity one day when she was pretending to choke and grabbed onto him, plucking out a single hair from the back of his neck. The next time she saw him, she offered him this new homemade drink her aunt had prepared. A sip was enough.

The potion was supposed to bring chaos to his relationship with the dyed-blonde. And it did. Because they soon began to quarrel and fight more often.

But a few days later, Gisella fell sick. She had constant headaches and her stomach was churning like a washing machine. She found on her windowsill a small pebble with a star painted inside a square. She flicked through the aunt’s book and found that this was a sample of black magic. It was used to make a person sick, and the more stones you used the sicker the person would become. The dyed-blonde was a witch too.

A witch war began with Gisella now focusing her power on diminishing the other witch. Spells and counter spells were fired, all the while forgetting what exactly this was over – or rather whom. The young man was perplexed, but he grew distant from his girlfriend and that pleased Gisella. She then frantically sought another plan. She made another man pursue the dyed-blonde; sooner or later she would fall for him, flattered by his passion and overwhelmed by his persistence in chasing after her. It worked. And the road was now open for Gisella to enter the young man’s heart. Another potion for that would do the trick. One that would ensure that the person who drank it would only have eyes for her.

Gisella was a witch. But she would always wonder if she could ever get her way without magic. She felt like she cheated life but justified herself by arguing that jealousy makes you someone else. Someone you never knew you were. That someone may simply just as well be an all-powerful witch. So why not use that power?

Also part of Daily Prompt: Green-Eyed Monster

Things you never tell

Everyone – no matter age, gender, social background, or political beliefs – has things they always want to say but never do. Things are just left boiling up inside of us, yet are never uttered. No matter the instance or the person, there are similarities we all share. Here are a few:

– I dislike rude people. Even more so when they work at service desks, either in person or over the phone. Also hypocrites. They are possibly worse.

– I cannot stand people who think they are so important that everyone must set out the red carpet whenever they simply show up. Self-interest, self-prioritisation and greed are possibly the worst of humanity’s greatest evils.

– I am deeply disappointed by people who so boldly state that they will always be there when you need them, but are nowhere to be seen when that time actually comes. Equally despicable are those who pretend to listen but never do.

– I despair with the fact that I cannot get paid for the work I produce, which is doing something that I love.

– I hate that another so easily manages to engage in doing exactly what I am still striving to achieve. I hate it more because I envy them. Yet, some are now doing what they previously scolded me for pursuing so ardently.

– I love what my work allows me to do, but I am opposed to sending my work out with someone else’s credentials, simply because they cannot produce the work they so proudly proclaim they can do.

– I get irritated by people who think they are educated simply because they graduated from a university, but cannot correctly compose a simple text, while they have difficulty even in articulating a few words.

– I despise the fact that money may not be everything but it definitely helps in getting you everywhere faster.

– I resent the truth in the saying “do good constantly and you will never be remembered, do wrong once and you will never be forgotten”.

– I am heartbroken that things never turn out the way you want them, no matter how hard you try, and you always have to settle for the next best thing. Unless you’re the guy next door. Because it seems for the neighbor, everything is always so much easier.

Also part of Daily Prompt: Break the Silence

Anyone for pizza?

 

 

 

 

There are people you wish you never knew
Places to which you never went,
Things you wish you had never seen,
And words you never said.

Dwelling on lives of others
Will only make you feel incomplete,
For jealousy comes from counting the blessings of others
And failing to see your very own.

It is hard to continue fighting an unfair battle,
But life was never just
Nor is it the fantasy party you dream,
But an experience you need to pull through.

There are so many things to do,
so many places to go,
so many sights to see,
so much food to share,
so much fun to have;
but it all hardly means anything
unless you have someone to share it with.

Be it a hug from the person you adore,
A kiss from the one you love,
a joke from a friend at heart,
or a gesture from a furry buddy,
having someone by your side,
always makes you stronger.

 

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.
                                                     – Helen Keller