Dinner is served

©Jennifer Pendergast

It was a dinner party I didn’t want to attend. But my friends pressed on. “Just put on a smile, as fake as it may be and come. At least you’ll eat well, it’s guaranteed,” they prompted.

I pushed myself to abide.

I had no expectations whatsoever.

And perhaps that was the best thing of all.

That was what made it so great.

Because he was there.

You don’t know it from the start, but all it takes is one person to change your life. To make you fall in love and to not remember how you lived without them.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Advertisement

The problem with time

There’s this recurrent saying that we all have the same 24 hours in a given day. If we want to do something we will find the time to do it. If not, it means it’s just not important enough, be it the completion of a task or communication with a person.

There are numerous seminars and charts and all sorts of things to help you organise your time better and manage your responsibilities and chores to fit everything into your schedule. Sure, for some this may be more arduous than for others. But in reality, there is but one simple truth: if you truly want to do something, you will find a way no matter what.

We complain about not having enough time because more often than not we need one (more) thing to simply moan about. It’s human nature. Nothing is ever enough. And we will always want more.

The insufficiency of time, however, does not justify squandering what we have of it. What if instead of lamenting, we exploited every second of the minutes and hours we have at our disposal? What if we joyously spent those moments doing things with a smile on our lovely faces? What if we filled those instances with memories we want to cherish?

Once the clock turns, it won’t turn back. It’s how things go.

But we only realise this when we’ve run out, fulfilling the cliché that you only acknowledge what you’ve had when it’s gone.

We postpone things for later or rest on the thought that we can do something or see someone some other day. At a later moment that may never arrive.

The problem is we think we have time.

View from the top

©MCD

It was a beautiful sunny day. A refreshing break from the winter mornings that had preceded it. It was as if nature had awakened in full glory with all its senses. It was a great day for a mountain trek.

They were alone, but that didn’t matter at all apart from a few safety risks.

As the best way to discover new places – and a new part of yourself – is to go on paths you’ve never gone before, they decided to take a turn they’d never seen. They were bound to discover something new; an unforgettable trekking experience.

The path was at times narrow and covered with bushes, at others steep and rocky, uphill and slippery, or straight and smooth. Like life itself, it was not a straight line ahead nor was it easy.

But the best views are indeed found at the top, and despite the difficult trajectory and the tiredness that ensued, they were compensated by the most beautiful panoramic views of a city that had much to offer if only you allowed it to.

We’ll only move forward in every way if we finally take that first step. And just keep going. It will all be worth it. Eventually.

High walls

©Lisa Fox

The problem with setting boundaries and lifting up walls is that people will get upset when you finally do. Some conveniently exploit your inability to often say ‘no’ and it startles them once you do. When you begin to demand more, you’ll meet resistance. We seek more because we give out more too. But fairness in this world doesn’t work that way. And it’s something we learn in pain.

We build walls to protect ourselves. Our values and our own well-being. And those who see that, who love us regardless, will climb them up or surpass them to find us.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

It’s all in the eyes

When someone is passionate about what they are talking about, when they really feel it to their bones and you can sense that enthusiasm oozing out of their every being, you can also see it in their eyes.

Notice it next time someone is telling you about something that incites them.

If they truly embrace what they’re talking about, their eyes will glimmer. You will witness their body movements alter as if to transmit to you that excitement they’re feeling.

You can tell a lot by looking into someone’s eyes.

It’s not just the profoundness of their soul that is depicted there; it’s also the sensitivity of their character.

People’s eyes well up when they’re discussing something sensitive or moving, something deeply personal that reaches in and touches every intimate chord.

The eyes get bigger and flare up when you’re angry and irritated about something and tempers rise.

But they also soften and can emit compassion when you’re listening with empathy to a person you love.

Try it. Just sit and watch people as they behave in their day-to-day lives. Shyness is indicated by the tendency to avoid eye contact. Anxiety by the opposite – rapid eye movements all over the place. Sadness by the fact that the gaze is constantly downwards. Hope by the wandering of the sight beyond what is visible. And admiration by the way the eyes light up when faced with a loved one.

At speeches of inspiring people, look around for a while. Observe how people listen. How they hang onto each word. Or how they boringly stare at their phones instead.

At weddings, witness the love that is radiated from the smiling eyes of the groom as the bride walks up to the altar, and in the emotional sight of the bride as she caresses her new husband.

Love comes in so many forms, but its purest is in what the eyes betray.

It’s all in the eyes. They never lie.

The illusion of control

Have you noticed how silent the world falls when it snows? There is a mesmerising silence as you look up at the foggy sky and revel in each of the magically crafted flakes of snow that gently land on your face.

As everything turns white, the world goes quiet. In places where it doesn’t snow often, this becomes all the more obvious. Because everything just suddenly stops functioning. The entire state paralyses because the city has been covered with a white blanket of frozen ice. Screeching, terrifying messages are sent alerting citizens to avoid movement as if there is a lethal peril out there. But when it starts to snow again, nothing really matters. Everything we think we can control is out of our reach. It is just an illusion that we can control so many of the external factors that affect our lives. Because the weather and its consequences are one thing we can do nothing about. We just wait for the whatever-named-hailstorm to pass, so we can continue our chaotic lives.

Snow is a chance to stop. To stop and marvel at how wonderful even the simplest and smallest of things can be. Look at how delicately and elegantly a snowflake is designed right before it falls to the ground and melts. Look at how every single thing you view daily (but never really notice on your hasty way to work or wherever your routine takes you) transforms simply because it is covered in white.

Sure, snow causes trouble too. But let’s stick to the positive here.

Listen. Listen to that beautiful silence as the world surrenders to these tiny flakes of ice. Just stop and take it all in, with all senses. And be grateful for all that we have but constantly want more.

The peak of the mountain

Pete was a person of many talents. He wanted to accomplish a lot in his life but was constantly held back by his need for all his conditions to be met before moving ahead.

Sandrine was a person of many dreams, which she set into goals and worked hard to achieve them. She loved what she did and put passion into whatever she took hold of.

When they met each other they instantly clicked. It felt as if they knew each other since forever, and for some reason fate led them into each other’s path. Nothing happens by accident.

It all moved fast from there. It was natural. Seamless. With disagreements and rifts at times, but that was sort of expected too. No two lives can clasp perfectly together without jolting. Every relationship requires work; we don’t “just wake up like this”, we need the determination, willingness, and effort to make things happen.

As time passed, they both began to view life together in the future. That’s what love supposedly is, right? Looking for the same things in the same direction. And working together for them. Supporting each other. Through the good and bad times.

They had set a goal to climb a mountain and place at the very top a flag they had made together as a symbol of their commitment to each other.

The first time they tried, Sandrine found it excruciating to reach the top, and Pete pulled her up. But a few feet away, he pulled out a parachute and dropped down. Simply because it was something he always wanted to do and it was a good opportunity.

Sandrine was devastated. But they tried again.

The second time, they found that if they held each other, they could better support one another to achieve the milestone. Sandrine slipped, but when Pete tried to grab her, he glided down the slope instead.

It was disappointing for the both of them.

But they tried again. Because they knew that what they felt from the start was stronger than any mishap that occurred along the way. And if they fought as a team against it all, they would surely win.

This time Sandrine was confident they would set the flag on the top. They were ready. They had overcome all the obstacles and the peak was in sight. There was absolutely nothing rational that could destroy it all. And right when Pete was to pull out the flag from his backpack, he instead took out a sleigh, and without saying a word, trickled down the mountain like a child engulfed in a game.

Sandrine was left ghosted and lost.

He would say one thing and then act differently.

She could not understand. And he would not let her in. There was no explanation for why he would so radically change and panic when they were so close to their joint goal.

We don’t know what people think unless they tell us. But we need to accept and comprehend their side of the story. Regardless if we agree or not.

Comprehension is the key to great and honest communication.

But so is being grateful and realising the little things we have beside us. We have more than we believe, but if we don’t acknowledge them, it’ll be too late when we eventually do.

Serenity aflame

©MCD

Tell me something. When you retreat into a peaceful cabin in the woods do you expect to be hassled by electric drills just when you’ve reached your zen moment? Do you not anticipate finding peace and quiet in the solitude away from everything and everyone? Do you really meditate with one eye open worrying about what will disturb that serenity?

No, right?

So why do we allow distractions to constantly mess with our minds? Any form of distractions.

It’s so easy nowadays to let things get to our heads. We take everything personally and we more often than not regret the things we did do rather than what we didn’t. We repent the moment we spoke out instead of saying nothing; that instance we opened our heart to a person we trust in the hope that it would bring us closer; all those things that you spent hours wondering whether to share or not and you eventually did. But we remorse the action because it didn’t have the desired effect; in some cases, even the opposite, causing a rift for no particular reason.

We are caught in an incessant loop of overthinking, overanalysing, and realising self-fulfilling prophecies. We experience the things we fear because we’re unconsciously searching for something to go wrong, somewhere to place the blame. We’ve convinced ourselves that when things are too good to be true, they usually are, and we’re continuously probing for that hitch that would set our peace aflame.

If we would just get out of our heads and simply accept things as they are – as smooth and calm as they may be at times; not every situation must have a problem to solve – we would all be so much better off.

The truth is, if you can’t commit exclusively and wholeheartedly to something, you’ll never seriously make it happen. Not even your own peace.

It’s as simple as that.

How to climb a mountain

Teo was adamant. “Take one hour a day and do nothing. Because even when you’re doing nothing, you’re actually doing something for yourself.”

“Relax. At least try. Turn off all screens. Put on some music. Go for a walk. Breathe. Clear your mind. Let all those thoughts out. Tell them to someone, and if you can’t speak them, write them down. Just get them out of your system. It will alleviate the burden you carry.”

“Just live every moment as it comes. We don’t need to worry about what may or may not happen all the time. Enjoy now. It’s all we have. ‘The future is composed of nows’, remember?”.

“Accept things for what they are. It is what it is. The less resistance you pose against reality, the less pain you’ll experience, and the lighter and more carefree you’ll feel.”

“So, what did we say: How do you climb a mountain? One step at a time.”

“Just breathe. It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to. The universe knows where it’s directing you. It’ll be better than you expected. And it will help you evolve. You’ll become better too. It’s certain.”

The only way is up

©MCD

There is a wonderful quote by Soren Kierkegaard that often comes to mind in tumultuous times: “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards”. We thus need to learn from the past but keep moving.

At times of emotional charge, we tend to think that we’re constantly running into our past no matter how much we try to avoid it. We see hurtful behaviours repeating, and we’re drawn into the same vicious pattern of not understanding what isn’t functioning as it should or as it so promisingly appeared to at the start.

When we’re faced with new opportunities, we want a refreshing start. We feel that there is so much out there to discover and it is revitalising when someone acknowledges your value (sometimes even more than you) and is offering you the chance to expand your potential.

The key is to not give up even when you feel you’ve hit rock bottom. There is only one way left after that, and that is up.

Whom you share good news with is a sign of whom you consider family. It’s the same people who will console you and help you pick up your pieces when you’re too exhausted too. Those people who despite their own troubles will be happy for you in your success and support you regardless. We want that cheering crowd for us. It helps us move forward.

Not stopping is what will help us survive, after all. And let’s remember, “every action you take is a vote for the person you wish to become” (James Clear), so make your habits regular actions of excellence that will only serve to raise your value.