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Whispering Silences

Archive for the tag “meeting new people”

The way we feel about it all

https://thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/sites/thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/files/feelings.jpg

We tend to associate people with events, circumstances, and above all emotions. It’s the feeling they evoke when we first meet. That aura they radiate. The vibes they emit. You know you click with someone from the first instance you set eyes on each other. And your intuition is often never wrong.

The thing is, if we encounter people at a negative condition, it’s very difficult to revoke that prejudice about them that we’ve already created. We may forget the event, or what actually happened, but what remains is how it made us feel. And feelings are an important part of who we are. They affect every single thing – from our attitude, our words our perspective, to our appetite.

It’s true that the chaos and irrationality that govern our everyday lives certainly do not help calm our often inexplicable nerves and agitation. But we try. We invest effort constantly to maintain a mental serenity that will help us get through the day, the week, the month, and so forth. It’s not always easy. And we certainly require some assistance in changing the way we feel. Perhaps we think too much about it all. Because our experience of life is seamless and smooth until the moment we stop to rationalise it all, to overthink, overanalyse and often overreact about it.

You’ll know

https://medium.com/non-monogamy-help/feeling-valued-in-non-monogamy-ddad001eb67e

There is a sensation that overwhelms you the first time you lock eyes and you share a conversation. You know. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds – minutes top – but the feeling arrives. Or it doesn’t. You know.

With every person you meet, you can tell from the start if the continuation will be good, or at least worth pursuing. Be it out of simple curiosity, you might give it a chance. But the intuition is real and often it is much more aware of the situation you’re in than you yourself. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.

Be it with friends you’ve grown out of sync with, or with potential flirts that have nothing more to offer than a few interesting initial conversations, your psychosomatic signs will make you understand when it’s time to move on and find others who might be more of an intellectual stimulation as well as a pleasant company.

As we mature, as we make our way through life, we acknowledge that there’s always much more to living than simply scraping the surface. You quickly tire of people who cannot hold an intriguing or interesting conversation with depth that has nothing to do with gossip or daily routines, but rather something genuinely attention-grabbing: things you read, or simply thoughts you catch as they fleet instantaneously from your mind and may be interesting to share. From the slightest silliness to the most bizarre thing you heard, anything out of the ordinary can actually be a measure of how much there is to discuss with anyone after all has been said and done.

We tend to seek more out of the people around us. Because if we ourselves are active and in constant search of a higher level in everything we do, we want to surround ourselves with like-minded, goal-oriented, perceptive people. We help each other grow, evolve, be better. That’s how (healthy) relationships work.

We encounter so many people in our lives. Some for a while, others come and go, and few remain. But each time, if you think back to that first happenstance, you feel it. You sort of know how important or not they’ll be.

There are people whom you keep forever and hope to hold on to. Because that feeling is mutual.

But there is an even stronger emotional bond to those who entered your life, disappeared for a while, but searched their way back in. It’s as if there is an invisible thread uniting your lives and drawing you back together wherever you’ve been. It’s those people you feel most comfortable with. It’s people like that we need but rarely find. Who ignite that special feeling. And you just know.

An optimistic thought

Every person you meet is a potential friend, contact, associate. Think about it. Your soulmate may be hidden behind the next eyes you contact at a first glance. Your best friend may be the person whose hand you’ll timidly shake. An associate may be found in the face you stutter at during an ice-breaking chat.

Every meeting is a possible life-changing one.

Isn’t that an optimistic and hopeful thought to make?

We never really know the truth in the expression “pleasure to meet you”, which we say in greeting someone new. We only acknowledge its true sense after time has passed and we get to know that person in depth. Sometimes it’s not a pleasure at all. But we don’t start off that way. We begin with the hope that this will be a significant encounter; one that will last and will be mutually beneficial and fruitful.

There are all sorts of people we meet. Some stay with us constantly, others come and go, and others only make a brief passage. But there is a sense of relief and gratitude in knowing that special relationships are never lost. People whom you’ve experienced things with in the past, who were part of your life, no matter how short or long a period, will always be there when you (or they) need help. That’s what friendship is.

We tend to seek reciprocity in our relations. But sometimes, what you give takes a long time to come back to you – if at all. That should not be the reason for doing what we do, however. We act in kindness because it’s a character trait. Put simply, it’s nice to be nice. And it’s definitely gratifying. It adds a spring to your step and a smile to your face. And all you really need in the end, is someone who asks how you are, who wants patiently to listen to your response, and who you can hear smiling in genuine satisfaction when all is well.

A time forlorn

Remember how we used to look forward to our evenings and weekends to dress up, go out, meet people and have fun?

Well, hardly anyone does now either.

After almost an entire year in on-and-off lockdowns due to Covid-19, the simple pleasures of entertainment, of mingling, of even meeting someone new seem so far away.

We are now so suspicious about everyone we meet, we’ve become too uptight, too OCD-ed, and too closed up to even give someone a chance. But the thing is, no one dares take it anymore.

For single people, dating has become something that belongs to a distant past or, at best, to a hopeful future.

Dating apps have seen an increase lately with all the more people registering, hoping to “swipe right” and find a match.

But is there even a point now?

This interesting article explores how various single people have experienced online dating during this strange period. All share the same frustration of not being able to go out and meet people. Some enjoy being alone, getting to know themselves better instead and do things that fulfil them without having to think about pleasing someone else.

Others believe that if you can’t feel the sensation of being a little tipsy and flirtatiously touching someone’s arm, then there’s absolutely no point in courting a screen. For some, steamy messages are an outlet to vent the caged annoyance of all that is going on, but they caution that everyone is bored during a quarantine and nothing will last when all this is over.

Yet, others find that you might meet someone with whom you can talk deeply for hours without the physical distractions of the outside world. As such, you may even get to know each other better, and eventually feel as if you’ve spent a lifetime together.

Perhaps you’ll be lucky enough to meet your match on an app. All it takes is the courage / desire to meet in person afterwards too. You never know who you’ll meet, where and when. Life is unpredictable like that.

But the real question is whether dating apps are actually worth it. Isn’t there something more constructive/useful/fulfilling to spend your time with? Wouldn’t you like to connect more with the people who are in your life even during this awkward time?

People have different needs and different ways of searching to fulfil them. But in essence what matters most is what makes each person feel good with themselves first and foremost.

Remarkable instincts

It’s remarkable how one decision in one single moment can change your life.

It usually doesn’t take more than that.

Because it was in that precise instant that Hope could feel her reality taking a different turn.

It was that rapid, instinctive choice to get on a train that altered everything.

If she hadn’t been so bold, she would not have dared to do something extraordinary and out of character.

But she would also have not met him.

And she would not know that kindness personified does exist. That there are people who look for quality above price, who take care of others as they take care of themselves, who have a heart that is full of love to give and are open to receiving the care they deserve.

She would not know that relationships could be mutually fulfilling.

Or that you could fall in love with someone for the person they motivate you to be. Who boosts your incentives and pushes you to improve. Who wants to be together no matter how little free time is available and who dreams of a future in which you both are.

Had she not been so determined to take a leap, she would not have realised that some risks are worth taking.

Because if they work out, they are simply marvellous.

Flying out

california-condor-flying-out-of-the-darkness-max-allenIt’s funny how whenever you are in a foreign country time flies by so quickly and well, so differently. Be it for work or pleasure traveling is wonderful. And being in another country is marvellous, regardless of the stress and anxiety you may have. It is always an adventure being somewhere you don’t really know. Exploring new places, observing new customs and meeting new people is in essence part of our sociable human nature. And above all it’s fun.

It is a chance to break out of reality and for a few days (maybe for a few hours) fly on your own little cloud. As if you are entering a trance, a dream if you wish, that very often you don’t want to wake up from. Because really, who wants to return to routine and reality when flying out of it is so much more exciting?

But as money cannot last forever, at some point you must return.

In order to plan for the next time you fly out.

And who knows maybe you will even encounter the place that will capture your heart and keep you there…

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