MC's Whispers

Whispering Silences

Archive for the tag “overthinking”

Externalising the battles

The problem with keeping everything in your head and fighting your battles alone is that the stress and pressure you’re burdening yourself with will very often lead to unnecessary – and inexplicable to others – flippant remarks that cause further tension to your social relations.

What isn’t expressed, eats you up.

Our problems are usually smaller than we overthink them to be.

But if we don’t share them, we won’t easily find a solution for them.

Also part of Weekend Writing Prompt #266s

The choice of a day

Beautiful days are a matter of choice. Each day is what it comes and what we make of them. Be it bright or rainy, cloudy or sunny, dull or exciting, monotonous or overwhelming, we are the ones who ultimately decide how we pass those hours we have.

Unfortunately, we waste most of them. We use up time by overthinking too much, by stressing about trivial stuff, by creating scenarios that will never play out. And we fail to see the beauty of what lies before us in every single moment.

Life is but a series of fleeting instances. And if we’re not too careful, we may just miss out on most of them because we’re too worried about what might happen instead of what is occurring right there, in this very minute.

In the end, we are the ones who choose our own state of mind, the thoughts we allow to override us, and the extent to which we enjoy each moment.

Get out of your head

The reason we trouble ourselves is because we prioritise one thought over another. And that former one is usually a source of negativity and hypothetical scenarios that may never even play out. We need to get out of our heads and live in the moment. To appreciate what we truly have now, we need to stop dwelling on the ‘ifs’”.

She looked at him silent.

He was right. But she was too stubborn to admit it.

He gazed into her eyes transmitting a calmness that radiated from the depths of his soul. Even his breathing held a tranquil rhythm. She could feel the serenity soothing her. How could she remain angry at him? And for no apparent reason.

There are so many problems in the world. Serious ones. We don’t need to create more with our minds”, he said opening up his arms to embrace her in a forget-it-all-and-let-it-go hug.

Still she said nothing.

But she smiled, and her eyes lit up.

She loved him for this. For being able to comprehend her mood swings and loving her regardless.

The answers in silence

©MCD_Athens

How many hours do we spend worrying about things we can’t control, suffering more in imagination than in reality, drawing conclusions out of the slightest of things?

The truth is, we cause our own anxiety by the thoughts that race in our head. What if we could pace those contemplations? What if we could in some way halt them and focus our energy on something mentally healthier and more productive?

Humans are created for greatness – to do things, not be stagnant. We hold ourselves back by the constant anguish that things will go wrong.

And when the chaos becomes too much to handle we seek to escape in nature, in trails that lead to silence.

Simply to acknowledge that silence is some form of answer. Sometimes not getting what you expect is also a way of realising what you deserve, what you’re truly after, what you profoundly want. There is always a way. And there is always time. As long as there is the deep desire to find both.

Prove me wrong

https://feelpossible.com/sadness-inteligence/

There are times you wish you were wrong. That the risk you took – seldom without overthinking – would pay off. That the impulsive leap you made would result in you landing softly somewhere. That what you feared would be the worst outcome would not be realised.

But overthinkers tend to have all possible scenarios considered. It’s not true, though, that they are shielded from pain because of this. It’s not true that they don’t get hurt because they saw it coming and you’re just proving them right. It’s just as hurtful – even more so – because you so desperately want to be wrong. You want that slight chance of everything defying your fears and turning out so much better. You desire that rarity of a happy ending.

Charles Bukowski had said that “sadness is caused by intelligence; the more you understand certain things, the more you wish you didn’t understand them”.

More often than not we try to escape life to run away from the reality we refuse to accept. We usually know what we ought to do, how we should act, how certain stories of our life will play out. But we obstinately deny it. We have difficulty in acknowledging the facts, because when our emotions are combating our rationale, we are guided by our feelings not our mind. It takes time, but the longer we resist, the harder it gets to let go.

And in the end, we are left with that incessant, perpetuating, yet constantly unanswered question: what if for once things turned out differently, contrary to all odds, to all predictions, to all expectations?

Mind games

Life, it is said, is a mind game; you’re limited only by your thoughts.

Consider this, how many times (even in a day) do you make up scenarios in your head about the development or outcome of a situation, forecasting what will happen without allowing time or evidence to play their part? How often do you jump to conclusions, lured by that pessimistic devil in your head? How soon do you judge without really knowing the facts?

We are subject to the tumultuous voices in our heads that speak only to us and highlight our greatest fears, concerns, and speculations.

We fall victim to our own overthinking. We sabotage ourselves, often out of fear that if things go too well, there is some disaster lurking in the corner.

We’re afraid of allowing ourselves to find happiness because in effect we’re led to believe that it doesn’t truly exist or that it is too rare to find.

We play mind games on our own selves. And that is the hardest thing to overcome.

Trampled emotions

There is an element of self-torture when you refuse to let some things slide and move on; when you’re constantly seeking an explanation, a justification, and a response to your ‘why?’.

Sometimes there is no answer. Or it may come when it no longer matters.

But the truth is, it already has no importance if it’s causing you so much grief and pondering.  

Some things are meant to be experienced. We’ll get something out of them eventually.

It’s if you overthink everything that you have trouble swallowing reality. Life isn’t easy. No one said it would be. And there is no explanation for why things happen. Some things are meant to be, others not. We do participate in them all, and have a role to play in activating a chain of events, of setting life into motion. And it is often up to us, how much or how far we will allow developments to proceed.

Overthinkers are usually over-feelers too. And the trouble with feeling everything too deeply, is that you get hurt too profoundly too quickly. Sentimentalism isn’t a trait of the strong. Unfortunately.

Whatever advice you’re given, you’ll never weather the storm if you don’t want to. If you don’t decide to paddle over the water and get to shore. If you don’t pick yourself up and carry on.

That’s the thing with feelings: they’re easily trampled upon and difficult to recover.

On the edge of heaven

©MCD

No matter how calm a person you may be, and how in order you may have everything in your life, there comes a time when you too erupt. It is simple human character. It’s impossible to be fine all the time. He knew it well.

She, on the other hand, was easily subjected to panic attacks and nervous crises. She was just more vulnerable to them. She stressed too much, overthought everything, and felt too deeply. She became too emotionally attached too fast, and it usually brought heartache and unpleasant thoughts. Thus leading to the aforementioned breakouts.

That day, was one such occasion.

He could see the storm coming in her eyes that morning. She was still trying to suppress the torrent that was in turmoil inside of her.

What would you like to do today?

He knew she was undecisive, yet always offered her the option. She valued that in him.

Let’s go somewhere extraordinary”, she replied.

He smiled widely. Their sense of adventure and their passion for devouring every moment of life, filling their moments with unforgettable experiences, was what had brought them together in the first place. And he fell in love with her for that. Because she was different.

He knew just the place to go.

Somewhere to calm her storm.

It was more than enough. For when she viewed the mountaintop view of the sea and city in the background, she fell silent, in awe of the beauty of nature.

It felt as if they were standing on the edge of heaven.

And right there, it was impossible to think about anything that was troubling your soul. Nothing mattered. It was so vastly magnificent, that everything else – including your stress – seemed negligible.

Nature has its own way of soothing and healing you, placing your senses in order and restoring your hope.

The worst place you can be

We all hide a whirlwind of emotions inside, just waiting to be expressed. Often women more than men go through a series of alternating sentiments even during one single day. Perhaps we pay too much attention to the little things, overthink excessively and try to find connotations in every action.

The problem though lies with tolerating too much. With burying emotions inside in the hope of forgetting about them, of extinguishing their force and of somehow making things better. We all nurture that illusion that things will change without action from our part. As if magically the world will improve in the way we want it to.

There comes a time, however, when our feelings take over our reactions. Either because we are tired, hungry or simply exasperated by everything, there comes an emotional explosion that is sometimes out of character. We can’t always control what we feel. Like Elizabeth Gilbert said, “your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions”.

It is during those explosions that we need people close, no matter how far we push them away. We need to feel loved even in our toughest of times, when we are being difficult, obstinate and insecure. It is at our worst that we need the affection. To believe that it is just a phase and will pass, that we will come out stronger, and that, in the end, everything will be better than fine.

Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head”.

The option of retaliation

https://www.rd.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/The-Science-Behind-Why-Howling-Wind-Is-Spooky_273772163_andreiuc88-1.jpg

The wind howled waking her up almost constantly. It was hard to sleep soundly when you were constantly worried that your entire house would be blown down. For a person already overcome by anxiety and stress, this was almost too much to bear.

The morning began with rain in addition to the gale. It was ice cold outside.

She had promised to meet him at their usual café. She was comforted by the fact that it was almost certain the fireplace would be on today.

He was already waiting for her when she arrived. But, following the gentleman’s rulebook, he hadn’t ordered yet.

He smiled widely upon laying eyes on her. His whole face brightened immediately, bringing out the sun in an otherwise freezing day. She was still reserved. It wasn’t easy to let things go so abruptly. To forget. Overthinkers have this disadvantage. They remember everything. Especially the bad things.

He reached out to grab her hand but she pulled back using the cold as an excuse.

He was seeking another chance. A fresh start. A new beginning. Hope.

In her head, a million things were gushing through. Thoughts of retaliation, of payback, of making him experience the same, of handing him too the same absolute demands and the ultimatum he so carelessly gave her back then. She could feel the anger steaming up inside her. Her head suddenly felt all too hot and it wasn’t because of the fireplace.

She took a deep breath, trying to quieten down the yelling inside of her.

It wouldn’t lead anywhere. She tried to console herself. If she acted in the same way, if she wronged him as he had once done to her, there was no point in even trying to be there together.  Ghandi had said “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind”. He was right. There is a reason why one person must always maintain a superior level. Because if you too retaliate in the same way, you are no better in the end. Perhaps you’re even worse, because you knew of an alternative way and did not take it.

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