The illusion of control

Have you noticed how silent the world falls when it snows? There is a mesmerising silence as you look up at the foggy sky and revel in each of the magically crafted flakes of snow that gently land on your face.

As everything turns white, the world goes quiet. In places where it doesn’t snow often, this becomes all the more obvious. Because everything just suddenly stops functioning. The entire state paralyses because the city has been covered with a white blanket of frozen ice. Screeching, terrifying messages are sent alerting citizens to avoid movement as if there is a lethal peril out there. But when it starts to snow again, nothing really matters. Everything we think we can control is out of our reach. It is just an illusion that we can control so many of the external factors that affect our lives. Because the weather and its consequences are one thing we can do nothing about. We just wait for the whatever-named-hailstorm to pass, so we can continue our chaotic lives.

Snow is a chance to stop. To stop and marvel at how wonderful even the simplest and smallest of things can be. Look at how delicately and elegantly a snowflake is designed right before it falls to the ground and melts. Look at how every single thing you view daily (but never really notice on your hasty way to work or wherever your routine takes you) transforms simply because it is covered in white.

Sure, snow causes trouble too. But let’s stick to the positive here.

Listen. Listen to that beautiful silence as the world surrenders to these tiny flakes of ice. Just stop and take it all in, with all senses. And be grateful for all that we have but constantly want more.

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How to climb a mountain

Teo was adamant. “Take one hour a day and do nothing. Because even when you’re doing nothing, you’re actually doing something for yourself.”

“Relax. At least try. Turn off all screens. Put on some music. Go for a walk. Breathe. Clear your mind. Let all those thoughts out. Tell them to someone, and if you can’t speak them, write them down. Just get them out of your system. It will alleviate the burden you carry.”

“Just live every moment as it comes. We don’t need to worry about what may or may not happen all the time. Enjoy now. It’s all we have. ‘The future is composed of nows’, remember?”.

“Accept things for what they are. It is what it is. The less resistance you pose against reality, the less pain you’ll experience, and the lighter and more carefree you’ll feel.”

“So, what did we say: How do you climb a mountain? One step at a time.”

“Just breathe. It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to. The universe knows where it’s directing you. It’ll be better than you expected. And it will help you evolve. You’ll become better too. It’s certain.”

The only way is up

©MCD

There is a wonderful quote by Soren Kierkegaard that often comes to mind in tumultuous times: “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards”. We thus need to learn from the past but keep moving.

At times of emotional charge, we tend to think that we’re constantly running into our past no matter how much we try to avoid it. We see hurtful behaviours repeating, and we’re drawn into the same vicious pattern of not understanding what isn’t functioning as it should or as it so promisingly appeared to at the start.

When we’re faced with new opportunities, we want a refreshing start. We feel that there is so much out there to discover and it is revitalising when someone acknowledges your value (sometimes even more than you) and is offering you the chance to expand your potential.

The key is to not give up even when you feel you’ve hit rock bottom. There is only one way left after that, and that is up.

Whom you share good news with is a sign of whom you consider family. It’s the same people who will console you and help you pick up your pieces when you’re too exhausted too. Those people who despite their own troubles will be happy for you in your success and support you regardless. We want that cheering crowd for us. It helps us move forward.

Not stopping is what will help us survive, after all. And let’s remember, “every action you take is a vote for the person you wish to become” (James Clear), so make your habits regular actions of excellence that will only serve to raise your value.

Let’s make a pact

You know those New Year resolutions we already forget in the second week of the year? Well, what if we were consistent in keeping them? Or rather, what if we set more feasible goals that were easier and more plausible to implement?

We have this hope – or expectation if you please – that what we’re doing on the first day of the year is how we’ll spend the rest of the year too. So, we put on our most elegant clothes, choose the company of our most loved ones, and try to be as happy as possible having fun. But is that illusion realistic? That we can maintain this atmosphere and emotion all 365 days through?

Life has its ups and downs and that is a reality we cannot ignore.

Stress is inevitable, as a psychiatrist friend highlights, we’re bound to be thrown off balance, but the emotional anxiety it is accompanied with is something we can be trained to manage.

When we allow ourselves to fall into unprecedented bursts of anger it’s because we’ve been suppressing too many feelings for too long, of the sentiment that our viewpoint is not being understood no matter how hard we try to explain ourselves. Panic attacks set in because we’re not able to promptly manage the stress that surrounds us. But what if we could train our minds to be as happy, calm, and serene as on that very first day of the new year? It’s not easy. But it’s not impossible either.

When something goes wrong, we are bombarded with a myriad of thoughts, mostly negative. But what we most lament is the time we lost. We feel that we are in a constant race against time in life and when things go south it’s the first thing that comes to mind and causes additional anguish. The time we allow to pass without doing the things that help us grow, things that we enjoy, being in places that calm us, being embraced and pampered by the people we love.

When we’re having fun, we don’t pay attention to how quickly time passes. When we’re not, that’s when it becomes more obvious. Because we miss things. We miss the things that bring a smile to our face, the people who make us laugh, but most of all the person we are when we’re with them.

What if we made a resolution to be stronger this year? To tolerate more but also less, to set healthy boundaries (which is always not as easy as it sounds), to laugh more and sustain yourself as best as you can?

What if we made a pact to make the most of every single passing minute?

The vastness out there

©MCD

Our time has become strange. It’s that portion of future history books that no one will be able to fully explain or rationally justify the reasons why things happen. People have become insane in every sense. We’re losing our grip on our selves, our actions, what we can control and what not, and most importantly our minds. There is a lot of anger out there; tension that cannot be relieved, unhealthy sentimental eruptions leading to what we dub as toxic. Actions that make no sense and cannot be predicted. But all are resulting in a negative flow of what has by now become a mundane routine. We are not shocked by anything anymore because nothing surprises us.

What if we changed our perspective? What if we – tried at least – to silence the negativity our minds speak to us?

Get out.

Of your head, your house, your situations.

Walk it off.

Just be alone with yourself and the nature surrounding you.

Breathe.

Let your eyes gaze beyond the horizon.

Realise how vast the world is and how tiny a part of it we are.

Change the way you see things and soon you’ll realise that things will themselves change too.

It’s not all that bad. You just think it is and you’ve convinced yourself it’s so.

Majestic

©MCD

When a child is born you see slogans flying around that a prince or princess has arrived. You want to do whatever you can to offer them everything their heart desires. And as we grow, we are prone to believe that we deserve the best precisely because we were raised to believe we’re royalty – perhaps not of blood but of spirit at least.

That’s why walking into a majestic room reminiscent of Renaissance century-old palaces makes you unconsciously change your posture to stand up straight and have your chin up.

We seek that feeling that we deserve diamonds and sparkles and fine wine and gourmet dining because we need that sense that we’re taking care of ourselves. If no one else gives us these pleasures of life, we can well provide for ourselves regardless. It just feels better to have someone to share the royalties with.

Fireworks all year

©MCD

Do you know why we use fireworks, sparkles and bangs to welcome the New Year? It stems from centuries-old traditions that sound and light made evil spirits afraid and were thus used to ward off evil.

We too hope that by filling the final month of the year and the subsequent first of the new one with lights and glitter will help bring luck, fortune, prosperity, health and blessings to our life.

Have you noticed how we light up inside and the world seems happier with all the festive decorations during the Christmas and New Year season?

We don’t need much to be happy and bloom. But we often forget that we are the creators of our well-being and happiness.

So let’s make a resolution this year to keep ourselves as happy as we begin the new months, to spread love just as we wish to receive it, and to keep the hope alive that everything will work out for the best with new adventures lying ahead.

Happy New Year everyone!

Cash at hand

A wise man once said that yesterday is like a void cheque, while tomorrow is simply a promissory note. Today we have cash at hand. And we should spend it as best and as broadly as we can because we will never have that opportunity again. The world is immense, and all we have is now.

It is amazing how when you rid your mind of expectations, you also alleviate yourself from worry. The less you expect, the less you’re troubled.

Truth is, if you take things as they come, you’ll also be happier. Because you act in the way you feel, exploiting the moment and not anticipating anything. So, whatever comes is a pleasant surprise. It also reduces the pressure you feel, both on yourself and on others, to act or react in a certain way.

Studies have found that 85% of the things we worry about never actually happen. Yet we incessantly consume our energy and occupy our minds we these possibilities.

We fail to comprehend that life itself is the perception we give it. It is the lens we choose to view it with that makes the difference. And as such, we are the masters of what we select to see. We either wake up determined to make it a good day or moan that it is yet another morning when who knows what could go wrong. Just think about all the wonderful things that could happen, though.

If the secret to a successful and carefree life is the law of attraction, begin from within, attracting and ‘manifesting’ (as is the latest modern-day trend) positive and luminous energy. If we consciously choose to change our viewpoint and reject the thoughts that pose so many limitations on us, we will unconsciously begin to see that everything around us will smile right back.

Sometimes we just need to stop thinking altogether; to get out of our heads, to stop being so scared, and just go for it. Either it will work out or it won’t. But wouldn’t it be better to try than to regret? And what if it does work? What if you fly?

When you think you’ve failed, you haven’t

© Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

Thomas Edison stumbled and failed numerous times before achieving one of humanity’s greatest discoveries: the light bulb.  But he never gave up. That was what made him succeed.

“I have not failed 10,000 times—I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.” This is one of his most famous quotes, used abundantly for motivation and inspiration when we feel lost.

He also said that “when you think you’ve exhausted all options, remember this: you haven’t.”

We limit our own selves by what we choose to believe.

The world has far more to offer than what our mind tells us.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Genuine Smiles

There was a difference between when she smiled wholeheartedly and when she simply forced it. Her aunt knew how to read her. She was just like her. The fake smile caused more muscles to tense. It was strained and didn’t seem natural.

We all have moments like that. When we feel obligated to smile and be courteous when in fact we feel nothing like it at all.

Charlotte saw so much of herself in her niece. Joy lived up to her name most times. But when her aura clouded, it could be sensed a mile away.

“The secret to maintaining that smile is to keep the child inside you alive”, Charlotte said.

Joy tilted her face like a cat in awe.

“Think about it: when we’re simply living in that moment, blurring everything around us to the point that nothing else exists beyond what we’re doing and who we’re with at the present time, aren’t we happier? We shift all our focus to that precise period of time that we don’t care about past or future or anything else that causes us concern and stress. We feel relaxed, playful, carefree, and genuinely happy. Your heart is open to love and…well, joy, and your mind is thinking positively by default. You view the world brighter because you’ve turned the mood switch to that direction”.

Joy smiled, her head turned back straight. The smile was authentic this time.

She didn’t need to say much. Charlotte understood anyway. She gave her a hug. One of those long ones where you wait for the other person to let go first and so you stay entangled for what seems like hours, laughing while you feel each other’s heart vibrate. The embrace was so tight, Charlotte could actually feel the crack that had marked Joy’s emotions.

“We’re all loving people the way we wish we were loved and hurting them the way we wish we were not hurt”.

“How different the world would be if we could – even for an instance – see things from another’s point of view, step in their shoes and view their perspective. How much better everything would be, if we could just let our pride aside for a minute and show some empathy to the people around us, particularly to those we say we care for the most”.

“Sometimes, love has a way of coming back to you”, Charlotte added, loosening the squeeze.

“If it’s meant to be, it won’t miss you. There is always a way if we truly want it”.