There is no try

“But what if I try and fail?”

“Well, that’s better than if you’ve never tried at all.” She laughed and her smile spread wide across her face.

“The only way you’ll change something is if you take the risk and do something you’ve never done before.

Keep in mind that sometimes, to go from a bad place to a better place we need to go through a worse place. It’s a paradox, but see it as a necessary evil. If you don’t fall flat on your face, you won’t know what it feels like if you fail. Once you learn that, you’ll be more determined to succeed and…well, fly! Make sense?”

He was timid. But perhaps that was the problem to begin with. He hadn’t developed enough confidence to cope with this world. Often, we need to suffer, to crash and fall, in order to get up stronger, wiser and more stubborn to make things work.

There is no try; just do.

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Open road

©Matteo Paganelli

There is a risk with being too comfortable with where you are. You become too complacent and too lazy to budge. Like still water in a swamp, you become stagnant as the world around you evolves.

The problem is, we too often take things for granted. A situation to which we’re accustomed does not necessarily mean that it will forever remain so. Circumstances change, often in the blink of an eye, yet no matter what we tell ourselves, we’re never wholly prepared for any of it.

Confusion is followed by an anguish of how to proceed. We need a plan. That’s what we pressure ourselves to have. But life doesn’t always work in a scheduled manner. Sometimes we just need to take things as they come.

Consider this, however: Without a destination, you’re never late. Because you have nowhere precise to go. You’re always exactly where you’re supposed to be.

Or like the cat in Alice in Wonderland said: If you don’t know where you’re going any road will get you there.

Perhaps we need to see the positive in every situation. A step-back always rattles you to change.

We simply need the courage to move ahead with more experience and determination than before.

Don’t be afraid to start over; you might like your new story.

The red lines we cross

We all have them. But it’s only when we cross them that we perceive their significance.

Red lines are like raising the alarm; that something is wrong.

We all seemingly know at what point something becomes unacceptable to us. But you never really believe you’ll reach that point, or surpass your limits in an often dangerous manner.

We dream of life to be perfect, with as few problems as possible, with disagreements being restricted to a minimum with our colleagues, partner, friends, or even strangers. Hoping whatever row we have may be trivial five minutes later, when we eventually cross those red lines of ours and tensions rise and voice levels increase, we are stunned ourselves. Because this point of no return was never our intention. And it usually becomes so obvious in how it leaves you drained, emotionally exhausted, and psychologically unable to think straight.

We exceed our limits when we accumulate emotions and thoughts for too long without expressing them; when we’re fighting a battle on our own and trying to conceal it from everyone else; when we’re pressing ourselves too hard to appear that everything is fine when it’s really not; when we want someone to stand by but are too proud to ask.

When our mind is too clouded to be able to think clearly, we can only see problems rather than solutions to them. That is when we need a support circle the most. To help us restore reason in that chaos-creating head of ours. It’s not easy. Nothing of value ever is. It would be too boring otherwise. We sometimes need to transcend our own limits – and our comfort zone – to awaken to everything else that can happen if we rattle ourselves up a bit.

For the record and as an interesting fact: The origin of the phrase ‘red line’ in English traces back to the “Red Line Agreement” in 1928 between largest oil companies of Britain, the USA and France at the time of the end of the Ottoman Empire. At the time of signature, the borders of the former empire were not clear, and to remedy the problem an Armenian businessman named Calouste Gulbenkian, took a red pencil to draw in an arbitrary manner the borders of the divided empire. The expression remained significant to global diplomacy and was reused during the UN’s founding after the WWII, especially in the English-speaking world.

Keep calm and sail on

It’s scary when everything seems to flow in order.

It feels like you’re waiting for the storm to arrive.

As if you’re in a canoe blissfully sailing calmly in a river, birds chirping all around, sun shining above, and a cool breeze complementing the ride, but all of a sudden you reach the end of a cliff and a steep waterfall awaits, where – like in movies – you have nowhere to hold on to and you end up falling off, screaming at the top of your lungs, before diving into the water below.

Yes, it might be an exaggeration, or an overreaction, or maybe both.

But nothing lasts forever – neither good nor bad times – and perhaps that is what is most terrifying when it’s all good.

There is not much you can do though, other than what most motivational speakers, life gurus and the like prompt you to: take each day as it comes. Live the moment and you’ll soon see that in creating and indulging in every instant, you build a life, one you’re happy and proud of, and which fulfills every essence of your being.

And that’s all that matters.

It’s so simple

“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”

Let that sink in for a minute.

Think about it.

Really consider it.

Because the possibilities are endless.

If you didn’t allow your mind to block you, to obstruct you from moving outside your comfort zone, from doing something out of the ordinary, from taking a risk, a leap into the unknown, what would you truly be capable of?

If you’re not afraid, it’s usually not important, or not worth the risk.

If it scares you, do it. It’s the only way you’ll grow.

It’s as simple as that.

And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

It is so simple.

We just make things complicated.

Prove me wrong

There are times you wish you were wrong. That the risk you took – seldom without overthinking – would pay off. That the impulsive leap you made would result in you landing softly somewhere. That what you feared would be the worst outcome would not be realised.

But overthinkers tend to have all possible scenarios considered. It’s not true, though, that they are shielded from pain because of this. It’s not true that they don’t get hurt because they saw it coming and you’re just proving them right. It’s just as hurtful – even more so – because you so desperately want to be wrong. You want that slight chance of everything defying your fears and turning out so much better. You desire that rarity of a happy ending.

Charles Bukowski had said that “sadness is caused by intelligence; the more you understand certain things, the more you wish you didn’t understand them”.

More often than not we try to escape life to run away from the reality we refuse to accept. We usually know what we ought to do, how we should act, how certain stories of our life will play out. But we obstinately deny it. We have difficulty in acknowledging the facts, because when our emotions are combating our rationale, we are guided by our feelings not our mind. It takes time, but the longer we resist, the harder it gets to let go.

And in the end, we are left with that incessant, perpetuating, yet constantly unanswered question: what if for once things turned out differently, contrary to all odds, to all predictions, to all expectations?

Turn back time

What if you could turn back time; what would you do? Would you remedy the wrong choices made? The times when you did (not) go with your intuition? Would you make smarter decisions? Would you think more before leaping? Or would you instead be more daring, more impulsive, taking risks, wherever they may lead?

What would you do if you could turn back the clock? Where would you go and who would you be?

But the real question is, would you want to? Time changes us, it shapes us into who we are, and it informs our future decisions.

At some point or other, we all have found ourselves wishing we could go back and act wiser.

Given that this is impossible, however, perhaps what we should truly ponder is, what do we do now, with all that has happened, with all that we’ve faced, with all that we’ve become?

But above all, we need to situate ourselves with people with whom we lose track of time, not those who make us feel it is a waste of it. Wouldn’t it be better to feel that time has stopped, instead of wishing you could get it back?

On an unknown path

©MCD_Makri

So what is it that we truly need to have fun? It’s not the location, not the material stuff, not the luxury or comfort, it’s not the resources. Regardless of what you may have in mind – and the fact that some of these do help make life easier – you don’t need a lot to enjoy your days.

All you really need is good humor, good friends and a good mood. (Although a drink or two also helps).

In essence, you realise that we are the ones complicating our lives without reason when you’re suddenly found in a place where there is not much to do and almost nothing to see.

So you acknowledge that very often than not it is the simplicity of things that helps you relax; you communicate faster and effortlessly; you enjoy your (longer) days more; and you certainly feel more satisfied. Because you’re actually enjoying yourself without straining too much for it. And that’s really the point. Isn’t it?

Every so often we need to get lost. To follow a path we don’t know where it leads, because life ought to be an adventure, and we should be willing to discover whatever it may bring. It may pleasantly surprise us.

Just Jump

©MCD

He was born on a roof. His mother was a fan of jumping up there and laying in the sunlight. Cats love that.

But when he began to walk, he was too scared to jump that high.

One day, when his mother was not in sight and the kind lady who supplied the food called him to lunch, he had to jump a small height off a wall his mother had left him on. He fell clumsily after much thought, but he was too scared to ever try climbing that high again.

He grew into a beautiful fluffy cat. And he watched as his mother continued to draw in sunlight on the roof.

One day, he bolstered up all his courage and decided to go for it. After all, cats are supposed to be known for their dexterous abilities and flexibility.

He considered all his options, all the ways he could climb up. And then, in a spur of a moment, he did it.

He was up there, gazing at the world from above. And as he lay in the warm sunlight, with his elegant white fur radiating on display, he wandered why he had not tried it sooner.

So here’s (another) lesson you can learn from a cat: take the risk; the world always looks more wonderful from above.

The dumb things we do to remain sane

“What is the stupidest thing you ever did?”

She was stunned by the question. This was the first thing he thought of asking her the very first time he even met her? How strange.

Yet, she smiled, blushed, got embarrassed, all at once.

She had done a lot of stupid things. But he didn’t have to know about them.

She had to respond though, and in a flash, all the dumb actions, which at the time seemed perfectly logically, swerved through her mind.

How many silly things have you done? And what exactly comprises as silly? Because all our actions at their time of their development don’t appear to be illogical. It is only after they unfold and their impact is felt that their irrationality also becomes apparent.

The thing is, we all need some craziness in our lives. To dare to do something different, even if it is a simple change of route on the return way home; taking a weekend trip on an impulse; or just ordering something you’ve never eaten off a menu.

It is only by doing something you’ve never done before that life will reward you by taking you somewhere you’ve never been. You never know what pleasant surprise may be awaiting you at the end of that different path.

Like Aristotle said: “No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness”.

“Some may never live, but the crazy never die” – Hunter S. Thompson