When the dwarves met the elves

When Snow White rode off with Prince Charming, the dwarves knew that their life would change once again. But having lived such a tremendous upheaval the first time, when they had returned home to find this wonderful young lady waiting for them, they now knew that they could not go back to the life they had before. It just seemed so dull now. It was official, they were experiencing the “empty nest” syndrome that they had so often heard of from all those women on the morning shows that Snow used to watch.

As they were returning home that day, one of the dwarves (there is much controversy as to who exactly it was, so we will not go into that right now) suggested that as Christmas is coming they could all take a trip up North. The plan was to go and meet the elves. They were pretty much the same size and also worked all day. So it would be nice to meet their “colleagues” in a sense. They all happily agreed and before the next sunset they had already departed.

It was a very hectic season for the elves in the North Pole. They had to assure that everything was perfect and on time, ready for Santa’s annual trip around the world just a couple of days away. Pandemonium was the order of the day, as the slightest mishap could lead to complete havoc. Especially if the head elf had run out of Zanex.

In fact he was yelling about a toy soldier’s cane being a centimeter too short, when the dwarves arrived at the factory. No one seemed to notice at first. But then Grumpy coughed, or rumbled, according to the elves, and everything came to a halt.

These cheerful slim creatures, dressed in green and red with a small bell jingling at the top of their hat, now turned with eyes glaring with fright and stared at these seven rather chubby intruders.

“Excuse us, we happened to be wandering around and heard the jolly songs in here and thought we might come along and see if you could use a hand, perhaps even make your acquaintance…” began    Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy and Dopey all at once.

The elves were dumbfounded.

“Make our acquaintance!? Make our acquaintance? Do you think this is the time to happen to pass by to make our acquaintance!??” bellowed Clyde, the head elf. Sparkles, his assistant, was hectically searching the entire factory for at least one last pill of Zanex. No-one could stand the stress anymore.

Twinkle, the second assistant, began rather shyly to say that maybe it was a good idea that they came along because it meant extra helping hands. Clyde would have nothing of it. “We managed for hundreds of years without them and will do so this year too!” “Yes, but we had you on Zanex until now,” mumbled Elfie, loud enough for Jingles to hear and burst out laughing.

“Quiet!!” roared Clyde. “Get back to work!”.

The dwarves were left stranded in the middle of the factory entrance, while the elves returned to assembling and packaging the toys.

Just then they heard a stomp and a jingle, a stomp and a jingle, being repeated again and again. Someone was approaching. The fat man himself. Em, sorry, the chief – Santa Claus.

He took the dwarves under his arm (he was big enough to do so) and led them to his “office” where Mrs. Claus offered some hot cocoa with marshmallows floating inside. The dwarves felt they were on an exotic vacation. Never had they felt so welcomed, well not since Snow left.

The dwarves began explaining to Santa the reasoning for their trip and Mrs. Claus began to snif and scuffle for a tissue at the sound of the “empty nest”. Buddy, their son, had gone off to study this year, and she knew exactly what this feeling was.

Santa consoled all eight of them and excused his head elf who was having a hard year because his reindeer ran off with a deer and he considered it quite unclassy. Whatever the case, Santa thanked the dwarves for having travelled all the way up to the North Pole and told them that although it was a bit hectic this time of year, they were welcome back whenever they wanted. He gave them each a cloth bag with a gift almost their size wrapped inside and promised them that better days awaited them at home.

So, the dwarves once again set off back South, having felt the warmth and hospitality of the North Pole, and having satisfied their curiosity of what these elves they so often heard of were like. One thing they all agreed upon was to never work so hard that they would need medicine to control their anxiety levels.

Once they reached their little cottage, they had a surprise waiting for them. Well, two for that matter. No, eight. One was that it was snowing and their little home had been beautifully decorated to emanate the season’s joy. And the other; well, the other was that Santa had kept his promise. There was a lady dwarf, each for every one of them, waiting quietly by the fireplace where a turkey was roasting. Doc had a lady who was patient and strong, Grumpy had one who could soothe his temper and soften his spirits, Happy had one who could share his excitement but know when to stop, Sleepy had one who could keep him awake, Bashful had one who would make him more confident, Sneezy had one who was always equipped with handkerchiefs and could make natural remedies, and Dopey had one who would get him to think more. They were all cut out for one another.

So the trip to the North Pole was worth it after all.

And up in the factory, the elves finished making the toys on time, Buddy returned to surprise his parents, and Clyde received a new annual prescription to Zanex. Only it was sugar drops, but nobody told him.

Happy Christmas!

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Santa run

The white-haired man with the white beard and big belly that had an abnormal affinity for red suits was once again spotted around the park. He was looking at all the young children playing carefree on the swings and in the playground and appeared to be checking a list that he drew out of his side pocket and seemed to have no end. What on earth was he doing? This could take a very ugly turn.

And it did.

Marissa was an old lady who couldn’t hear very well. She couldn’t see very well either, despite the fact that she wore glasses with lenses as thick a piece of gammon at Christmas lunch. She also used a cane to walk, which she would also occasionally use as a weapon lest any “young rascal” would try to steal her bag. She would take her young grandson to the park every afternoon and sit at the bench watching him (or at least someone who looked like him from afar) enjoy himself in the playground. She had become acquainted with the other children and parents who spent their time there too. Therefore, whenever a “newbie” arrived, everyone would notice. They were as easy to recognize as a fly drowning in milk.

The past few days, however, ever since the beginning of December, Marissa noticed the frequent presence of a rather fat and peculiar old man. He was oddly jolly with everyone and was very fond of children. Perhaps too fond, according to Marissa. And he was always there. From the moment she and little Everett arrived, to the moment they left, that old man was sitting on the adjacent bench taking notes.

A week later, after Marissa had ran through her mind all the possible things this man might be noting – all of which were remarkably anomalous, no matter how you looked at it – she decided it was time to take action. She did consider walking over there and whacking him on the head with her cane, then grabbing his list and running to the police to file a report against him as a pedophile. But there were two problems with that: she couldn’t see very well and due to the holiday season more and more people began to draw a liking to red clothing and she might thus end up hitting someone else; and then she couldn’t run very fast, so by the time she had made her way out of the park, he might regain consciousness and chase after her. So, Marissa decided to do the only proper and responsible thing she knew: she would call the police.

Her report said that an old man with white hair and beard, dressed in a red suit that was unflattering for his age, was constantly roaming around the park, observing the kids and making notes. Just to be sure that the police wouldn’t make fun of her, she did send an instant message from her tablet (that had a big enough screen for her to be sure she had captured at least part of the man in question).

It didn’t take long for the police to arrive. The German Shepherd dog accompanying them was already growling, but for some strange reason it stopped the minute its eyes located the old man. And surprisingly it sat down and refused to go near or attack, no matter how much the policemen were yelling. The old man did not even budge.

Yet, all of a sudden, chaos broke out. Seeing that the dog had no intention of chasing or attacking the suspect, the police officers decided to take matters into their own hands. They began to scream, whistle and shout – if there was the appropriate music, it would even seem that they were trying to do the Twist.

And then began the run.

The old man, seeing a handful of unusually frightening young men in police attire racing like raging bulls towards him, got up and began to run too. The kids, thinking this was some sort of festive game, thought it would be fun to join in. And the German Shepherd dog decided it was time to get a move on too. The parents, afraid the dog might attack the children or the police might fire a shot that may reach an unintentional target, raced like mad and white as ghosts, behind the mob. It was complete havoc. And on the side, Marissa was taking photos on her tablet – you know, for evidence.

The old man ran into the forest-y area of the park where a wooden shed was located, he rushed in before the police closed up – the dog was for some reason being intentionally slow at catching up.

And then…

Police, dog, children, parents, the kiosk-owner who had approached out of curiosity, the candyman who was looking for kids to sell his produce to, and Marissa (who was still taking photos), all looked up at the sky, rubbing their eyes. They could not believe what they saw. A sleigh. Yes, a sleigh, a red one with a small turbo engine at the back and a dozen reindeer – yes, those horned animals that look like deer – pulling it along. It all disappeared before the bedazzled crowd managed to take a second blink.

The police stormed the wooden shed, with the dog barking happily beside them. There was nothing in there apart from some hay – most of which appeared to have been consumed – and some firewood. Nothing else.

So where did the old man dressed in red go? And did they really see what they thought they saw?

When the police questioned Marissa, she told them she had photo evidence. But when they confiscated her tablet to see for themselves, all they found was funny-looking selfies of a befuddled old lady in the park.