MC's Whispers

Whispering Silences

Archive for the tag “society”

Shine a light inside

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There are two types of people in the morning: the chirpy one, who chatters, sings, and is hyperactive from the moment they get out of bed; and the one who doesn’t want a single noise to interfere in the still sleeping zen phase they are painfully trying to get out of.

Miranda was the second type.

Alan was the first.

You can see the problem.

The worst was when the only chance they had to discuss about something was before going to work in the morning because often their shifts did not coincide and they could spend entire days without seeing each other. Despite living in the same house, they didn’t always have the energy after work to talk about anything.

This made it all the more complex.

Because she was also the type to keep everything inside. She restrained herself from expressing what bothered her, be it from the slightest of things – from their online presence, to his behaviour towards others, to her problems at work, or financial difficulties.

The body had a mind of its own, though, and it began to demonstrate its anguish and exhaustion in various forms. The signs were ignored and neglect led to stronger pain in every form.

He saw what she refused to.

How she faded her own light and began to personify that “what doesn’t transmit light creates its own darkness (Marcus Aurelius).

So he surprised her with a week away.

To a place she only dreamed of; where mice and ducks were favourite cartoon characters; where laughter was the only sound you could hear; where to feel the innocence and carefreeness of a child was mandatory.

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Different states of mind

People are different. It would be boring if we were all the same. From the way we look, think and act, to the stimuli we’ve had and our varying backgrounds, it all changes from one person to another.

It’s something neither good nor bad. It just is what it is. And we need to accept that.

Some people have the tendency to be more outgoing than others, to talk more and more easily. Others seek those moments of silent retreats, the loneliness of their own thoughts to be able to gather themselves before entrusting someone else with them.

Introverts are often seen by those outside their inner circle as having quiet minds. They only allow those closest to them to see the chaos that this quietness entails. An introvert will yak to you once they want to. Winning an introvert’s trust may take time, but once you do, be sure you’ve unlocked a special place reserved only for a selected few.

There is a very apt leadership quote that says be “slow to hire but quick to fire”. Consider it for a moment. It can easily apply to every relationship we have – from social to business relations. We need to be slow in developing our thoughts about people we meet, in trusting them with parts of us that we sometimes don’t even tell our own selves. But once that trust is lost, or the ties we have are broken, we shouldn’t hesitate, they’re gone immediately.

We often believe that there is only one time to make a good first impression. Do you ever get that feeling when you meet some people that you either like or dislike them without really being able to explain why? It’s your subconscious at play – gathering all those experiences you’ve already had to analyse the new entries in your life. But the truth is, there is a second chance for a first impression when you get to talk with the other. When they let you into their thoughts and positions on life, when you are allowed a glimpse of their mentality.

When we’re emotionally overcome – either by sadness, grief, anger or happiness – we’re not in the best position to make any decision whatsoever.

It’s not easy at the time to control yourself. That’s why you need a support group around you. Who sometimes know you better than yourself, and know what you need and how to get you to see it too. It takes time to build that trust and that family you choose to have.

But it also takes time to be able to acknowledge what battles are worth fighting, with who, when the right timing is, and how, where and when to detect it.

In the midst of it all, perhaps we need to realise that one thing that lately has become so evident: nothing we believe as common sense, truly is. Everyone has their own notion of what is logical and rational and what is not. And we just need to accept that difference of opinion.

Level up

There is a belief that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with. That’s why we need to choose those around us wisely. Because they affect the way we think, act, behave, live.

It’s interesting how when you cut yourself off from the toxic people in your life – those who did you more bad than good and who made you feel worse rather than better – you actually improve in every aspect. Once you withdraw from what is bringing you down, you level up.

This is often obvious from the way you behave, you talk, you walk, you hold yourself up, to the mood you radiate and the aura you emit.

One of the main and most fundamental reason of stress and the psychosomatic symptoms it causes is the fact that we are forced to associate ourselves with people we often don’t even like, let alone match with or share common perspectives, among others. The mere fact that we are doing something we detest is a cause of tension that we bring upon ourselves. Just imagine the strength of the contrary: engaging in something you love and are passionate about. Can you sense the difference?

We are responsible for the choices we make and the people around us, and can change this at any time.

And most significantly: when you can’t’ control what is happening, challenge yourself to control the way you react to it. The way you respond to external occurrences is where your strength lies. Rise up to it.

Daily snippets of motivation

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“Call”. It’s as simple as that. Call to tell someone they’re in your thoughts, you miss them, you’d like to meet up soon, you love them.

“Talk”. Say what’s on your mind. Not everyone can guess it. Show you’re interested. Others long to know that there are people out there who care.

“Say good day”. It costs nothing and it can make a whole morning or entire day for any person. One random act of kindness at a time can change the world. It all starts with the slightest of gestures.

“Smile more”. Don’t sulk. Not everything is horrible in this world. Just find those little things that make it all worthwhile. Be positive even if you’re forced to see the bright side. Things will shift eventually.

“Believe”. If you try with the perspective that it will all flourish, you’re one step closer to succeeding. Just have faith that it will work out.

“Hope”. Because when all is done and lost, this is what remains. You have nothing else to lose.

“Trust yourself”. Because if you don’t, no one else will.

You’re stronger than you think. Don’t let your mind – or those sneaky voices in your head – fool you.

Change the perspective

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A storm was brewing. Literally. The weather was turning piercingly icier and the sun was in hiding. You could feel the wind changing.

But also metaphorically. People were evidently affected – they were colder in attitude too. Agitated, nervous, and too easily irritated.

It was all wrong. For no sensible reason.

So she decided to leave.

These are the best decisions; the get-up-and-go-on-the-inspiration moments. Because if you don’t think about certain things too much, they end up being the best decisions you ever make.

She acted upon the impulse to flee. And travelled all across the world to where the climate was exactly the opposite.

She didn’t exactly encounter a heatwave, but a much warmer weather, and a much kinder folk. People who had much less – of material belongings and wealth – yet much more heart and goodness. They knew how to enjoy the utmost of what they had, and to appreciate the instances, the smallest of heart-warming gestures, the gratitude of having even the slightest of everything.

If you step back from your own world and delve into someone else’s, perhaps you’ll just realise how lucky we are but never acknowledge it enough. Be grateful for everyday; for the goodness around you; and focus your energy on all you want to create, not on what you want to get rid of. Know who you are and what you want to achieve, but be careful who you choose to walk with in life, because in the wrong company you’ll never reach your destination.

Don’t forget to remember

©The Rebel Bear

They say remembering everything is actually a curse. Because it doesn’t let you move on. Because you’re stuck in your memories and find it difficult to create new ones. Fortunate are those who begin every day from scratch, like a clean slate – a tabula rasa – ready for a new start.  Because you have nothing to pull you back; nothing with which to constantly compare things.

But is it better? To not remember?

The truth is we are our memories. Every single one of them has made us who we are. And there is no escaping that. There is no forgetting that either. Because it’s hard to forget something that forged you.

We’re not supposed to forget. Simply to remember less often. To spend more minutes in the present than in the past. Conscious of the experiences that brought us to this very moment. And aware that perhaps our greatest sentiments have not yet been felt.

What we seek

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There is a saying that if we seek something that same thing is seeking us. But, is this even true?

Because what is it that we’re really looking for?

We ourselves are unsure of what we want, what we’re searching, what we long for. We’ve created a world so complex and uncertain that nothing seems to be enough to make us feel complete. Be it love, happiness, money, career, or just calm, there is no real answer we can give.

The most certain thing is that we find it so easy to whine and nag about anything and everything. Like that childish game of crying it out until what you want is given to you. But the real world does not work that way. And we have a hard time comprehending that.

Perhaps humans don’t have the capacity to manage so much information at one time. Even during multitasking, there is something that lacks in quality. We seem to be running around in multiple directions, often without a concrete or clear purpose, that we end up neither living in the present nor planning for the future.

Our existence only gains purpose if we have a clear sense of what we’re doing now.

But we tend to overlook that.

And that’s where the problem starts.

People-watching

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It’s called “people watching”. When you sit for hours at a café on a sidewalk, gazing at people passing by, at the world unfolding, as you passively enjoy a cup of coffee.

It’s seemingly doing nothing. But more often than not, it’s actually very interesting to observe people as they go on their way unknowing that someone is watching them.

It’s not really gossiping or weirdness, it’s curiosity about our social behaviour.

People tend to act differently when they think no one is looking at them. We tend to be lighter – in our walk, our posture, our attitude in general. Because we’re not compelled by some unwritten code of conduct or some social norms we must adhere to. We even talk to ourselves, or adjust the rhythm of our steps to the music we’re listening to, or simply let our minds wander as we allow ourselves to automatically go on our daily routines.

Watching people is enlightening. Because every person has a character of their own. Sometimes even more than one. Because it’s that side you don’t usually see that really tells a lot about a person.

It’s that third face you show to no-one that is your truest form.

Up and down

There is one thing he said when Monica was too young to comprehend it:

They want to see you do good but never better than them”.

It was during a conversation about ‘friends’ who turn out to be envious instead of happy with their friends’ successes.

Insecure people put others down to raise themselves up”.

That, she realised a few years later. When she could finally understand that it was not her fault that things were working out. She was simply open to life as it happened, and knew how to exploit opportunities and enjoy things.

Some people can’t handle that.

They need to find something wrong with others to prove themselves right. And instead of counting their own blessings, they focus on those of others. Because in essence, they want to see you do well, but never better than them. That’s the problem. Because real friends rejoice with your delight, and that magnifies the positive sentiment.

If we focused on transmitting positive vibes instead of jealousy and spite, wouldn’t this world be more colourful?

Empathising difference

All happy families are alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way”, wrote Leo Tolstoy in the beginning of Anna Karenina in 1878.

Misery has many forms. And this is true for all people.

We don’t realise how insignificant or trivial our problems are until we hear what someone else is facing.

But what we often fail to acknowledge is that we don’t understand what other people are going through no matter how much they (try to) explain. It’s usually because we don’t really want to empathise. We’re better off worrying about our own microcosm-shattering problems: where to go out, what to do to pass the day, who to call for an outing, what to watch on TV, where to go on holiday. We quarrel among ourselves because we can’t coordinate to have fun, yet other people are facing evictions, money problems, job security; actual issues of survival.

It puts it all into perspective, doesn’t it?

Well, it should.

There is a truth in that in order to survive you need to be thick-skinned. You need to be somewhat insensitive, allowing things to slide, and refusing to be affected by them. If you’re too perceptive and impacted by everything, you’re the only one to lose.

Because no one really cares if you’re struggling – with work, with family, with pretty much anything. If you can’t follow suit in the fun and the expenditure, you’ll soon be cut off. And no one really cares what or how you work. It’s simple: if we don’t understand what you do, we’ll consider it as not very important, so you can always ‘leave it for later’ – but certainly not for the weekend or a holiday, or for when we already have plans.

We have a tendency to only view life through our own lenses. We obstinately refuse to walk in someone else’s shoes, or even make the slightest of efforts to share their perspective of reality.

And it’s a shame. Because united we could achieve so much. Instead, we ravage each other as if we’re trying to free up space in this world we’re destroying.

Instead of lifting each other up, we’re surreptitiously trying to tear each other down.

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