Suspicious minds

One of the greatest problems of the contemporary world is that we’ve grown too suspicious. Of everyone and everything. Kindness is seen with disbelief, as someone wanting to deceive us or seeking something (often more expensive) in return. If someone approaches you simply with the intention of having a friendly chat, it’s like a red alarm goes off in our brain signalling caution. Whatever anyone says or does anymore is automatically perceived with severe caution and distrust.

Even during a first encounter with any potential relationship, we’re distrustful and apprehensive of everything: the words they say, their body movements, the look in their eyes; every single thing. Perhaps it’s an upshot of having been burnt too many times in the past or simply the fact that fraud and deceit are so widespread in this world where anyone can claim to be anyone and anything without any proof.

So we try to take caution.

But as we get to know people, we slowly put our guard down. Sometimes it takes a comforting smile, an honest conversation, and finding that secret button of yours that let’s them in; making you laugh. It often doesn’t take much to feel secure with someone once they win over your trust.

But then you stop being so fearful of everything. Because you think you’ll get back that love you give out; that your attention, energy, and presence will all be reciprocated. And when you’re unexpectedly hurt, you turn to ‘anthems’ like Miley Cyrus’ latest song that you can do things better on your own and take care of yourself better than anyone else can.

The truth is, however, we’re not meant to be alone. Like Aristotle said, humans are social beings. We need the company of others to survive, to evolve, to be who we are. No matter how well we cope alone, we all secretly (or not) want someone to share our life with, someone to ramble on about when we’re facing bureaucratic nonsense and are having a bad day, but also when funny and oddly good things occur too. We want someone to cuddle up with to watch a movie (even if we’ll fall asleep in the first 20 minutes of it). Someone to go on long walks with and recount what we’ve been up to; our successes as well as the adversities that we’ve encountered. We want people next to us who will console our pain during the hard times but also share our joy during the happy ones.

Despite the vicious circle of suspicion that this society has led us into, we want someone who will love, respect, and care for us, to whom we can express our soul’s desires without the fear of regretting it, and to whom we can give it all and know it will be reciprocated without ever asking for it.

In this world of distrust, we want people whom we hug and they hug us right back even tighter because they can feel that is what we need to heal our troubled hearts.

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Kings or Pawns

It was Napoleon who said that “in this life we are either kings or pawns; emperors or fouls.” He was right, you know.

You either choose to react to anything you don’t agree with in this world and be named a rebel, or you remain a victim (and accomplice) to it.

Take so many instances of daily life: that job you’re expected to do asap – meaning yesterday – and you’re constantly pressed for time, but when you’re anticipating a reply, the other party takes all the time in the world. That ‘urgent’ matter that in reality is of minor importance yet is presented as a life-changing event for which you must stop everything else to address.

Those bills you’re called to pay for which you are often given no justification but which you are obliged to in every way and are threatened with fines if you don’t.

And the worst of all is that argument that “that’s what everyone does”, or “that’s how it is”, or even more, “that’s how it’s always been”.

Just think of flies: millions of them are attracted to crap, but that doesn’t mean this would be delicious for you too.

Remember: Just because everyone is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s right. And just because no one is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

So why not alter things?

Just because something has been done for so long in a certain way doesn’t necessarily mean it is the right way, or that there is no better mode to achieve the desired end. But if you don’t try to differentiate, you’ll never know. You won’t find something else – something potentially better – if you don’t take a different path.

But it is essentially your choice. Because every change begins with a vision and a decision to take action. And change begins at the end of your comfort zone. Growth and evolution occur the minute you decide to break that conventional / traditional cycle.

You will decide who you want to be and how you want to react in this world. Chin up or head down. The choice is yours.

A room for you

©Rochelle Wisoff-Fields

We all need a room of our own. A space we can escape to. To dream, create, meditate, dance, sing or simply to be silent in. Four walls in which the world is locked out and we forge our own rules and conditions of how things operate.

We need our own room for our own mental sanity.

Because regardless, there are moments you need to regroup. To regain yourself, to gather your thoughts, to reconsider your perspective on life, what you did right and wrong.

We need an area to get lost in so that we can find ourself again.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

So much more than you think

Why do you allow yourself to enter this phase?

It’s like a lunar eclipse; you tolerate someone moving into your shadow and blocking your light.

Remember that empowerment seminar a year ago? You’re the source of your own strength. But also of your own weakness. And people will only treat you the way you allow them to.

You weren’t raised to become friable by some unknown person’s intents. You’re not meant to be crushed; it’s not who you are, and not what you’re destined for. Get that into your head.

So react. You’ve sulked long enough. Now rise up and recall your worth. You’re better than this. And you deserve so much more.

Don’t forget that.

Also part of Your Daily Word Prompt

Healing bark

© Sandra Crook

He loved the summer season because it meant long weekends at the beach house. Summer was always associated with laughter, carefreeness, and fun.

But this year, they were visiting the house after a harsh winter and a recent fire.

It was not the same.

Yet,  there was a lesson to be learnt from nature itself. His father showed him how the trees and plants tried to protect and heal themselves. It was astonishing.

“Look at this trunk”, he pointed. It was broken all round and even wounded inside, but it remained strong.

“Inside, you too, are stronger than you think”.

Also part of Friday Fictionneers

Soothing voices

If you think about it, we become accustomed to the sound of voices even before we enter this world, from inside our mother’s uterus. We hear the voices of those preparing for our arrival, as we are safely tucked away inside our nurturer.

And when we are born, much before we are able to respond to them, we hear all sorts of voices from people greeting us, trying to strike up conversations with us, talking to us.

We associate certain voices with the feeling they evoke in us. Our mother’s voice is one that always generates safety and reassurance. Because you know it’s the source of unconditional love. Our father’s voice is one that offers courage when you’re in despair, but also the one that soothes you and calms you down when you can’t control your outbursts.

For some, the voice of your storyteller – whomever parent it may be – is the one that helps you pacify your agitated state and consequently puts you to sleep. That was the purpose, after all, when you were a child.

It’s remarkable how, as we grow older, the sound of these voices remain imprinted in our memories. And how we continue to yearn for them. Perhaps it comes with growing up, the need to feel as safe, loved and nurtured as you felt as a child. And in the most uncertain and ‘lifeless’ of times, that feeling of childlike innocence, bewilderment and pure joy is what is lacking most.

We should be grateful that the sounds we’ve registered in our minds are those of spontaneous laughter, fun and games, storytelling and amusement. Some are not so lucky, and instead recall the sound of war, bullets flying, soldiers yelling, explosions, ammunition burning and worse.

We should be grateful that we remember what it was like to live freely, without so much concern, stress and worry, without disinfecting every part of our body every couple of minutes; and without the awkwardness of not being able to be close to or hug a loved one.

Ultimately, it’s the voices we grew up with that inhabit our heads. You’re the one who chooses how much to listen to them.

The strength of the human spirit

The 4^th of February may mean different things to different people. It may also mean nothing at all and just be another day. But the 4^th of February each year is World Cancer Day. It is an international day marked to raise awareness of cancer and to encourage its prevention, detection, and treatment.

Many of us know someone who at some point in their life fought a battle they never thought they would face. Some of the fighters – be they survivors or victims – are people close to us. People who have shown us that cancer is not a death sentence, it is not something whose name we should not utter, but rather it is merely a word, a life sentence that pushes one to live.

People who fight cancer and all its consequences understand what it means to never give up hope, to show courage by taking each day at a time and promising to fight a bit more the next day. They understand what Christopher Reeve meant when he said that “once you choose hope, anything is possible” and they have felt it more than anyone else that the human spirit is much stronger than anything that can happen to it.

Cancer is a battle we may need to fight more than once. Courage comes from not giving up. Because sometimes you have to go through things and not around them to survive. But that only makes you more determined to persist, to win. And it gives hope and sets a prominent example to those around you.

People who have faced cancer are the ones who know what life means and what matters most in it. Because they have faced something they cannot describe, but have come out stronger, sometimes clenching their teeth so that their families don’t see them suffering. And for that, they deserve more than just our respect and a single day to commemorate them.

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have” (Cayla Mills).

The life we dream and that we live

He looked out of the window at the cloudy skies. He was physically in his living room, sitting on his couch. But mentally he was far away. Perhaps even on that airplane crossing the sky.

He had never been on an airplane.

He had never even left the country.

He was afraid to leave. To take a risk. He was too much a coward to change his life. He lost too many opportunities and people because of this. And all he had left was to dream. But even that was too much. Because he knew deep inside that those dreams of flying away would never be realised.

On that very plane, there was a girl who travelled all her life. She knew very well what it was like to change environments every now and then, yet longed for somewhere to settle. For some place and someone to call home.

She had just finished reading the romance Erotokritos, the rhymed verses themed around love, honour, friendship, bravery and courage. It was the story of a young man who fell in love with a princess and did whatever he could – even facing exile and sacrifice – to gain her love. But to the young reader, it symbolised more than that. It was an allegory that true love surpasses every hurdle encountered; that when there is a will there is always a way; and that it’s not about finding someone who chases you incessantly or who evidently ignores you, it’s about finding someone who never stops caring or fighting for you. It’s a story about someone who feels deeply and has no problem in showing it in every way possible.

Life is the sum of our actions. These are what make us who we are. What we have the strength to do and what we don’t. What we choose to change and what not. It is who we want to be and who we have the power to become.

Renewed optimism

“Do wishes come true?”

Noelle was too young to know the answer herself. Her innocent bright eyes were twinkling with joy as the New Year approached.

Her father smiled and pulled her onto his lap. It was her favourite place to be. It made her feel safe.

“Of course they do,” he breathed optimism. “You just need to assist them too so they can be realised faster”. “To do whatever you can to reach your goals. Remember you can be whatever you dream if you want it passionately enough”.

The conversation came into her mind a decade later when Noelle was still trying to find her place in the world. She had somehow lost sight of her own dreams and her wishes were now the standard ones for good health and happiness. Even love had been removed from the equation after a series of heartbreaks.

This year something was different. She remembered the serenity she felt in her father’s lap and for a minute or two became a child again. She knew that to change things, she herself first needed to change. To regain the strength she had lost, to redefine her sense of purpose, to revive that twinkle in her eyes.

This year she knew what she would wish and strive for: that every day of the New Year brings sweet surprises that fill life with happiness!

Happy New Year everybody!

Humor me

Having a sense of humor is a trait not many are able to master. Because it requires intelligence to be able to spark a wit with effect at the right time.

People with a sense of humor are the ones you see laughing most often, even if only by themselves.

They are the ones with the greatest self-acceptance, because they have come to terms with who they are and what life has handed to them, and are brave enough to not only overcome the challenges but even to make fun of them.

They are creative – after all, it takes a lot of mental energy to come up with quick-witted jokes that put a smile on everyone else’s face. It is thus also associated with wisdom and love of learning.

People with humor understand the difference between laughing at someone and with them. They are conscientious in that they don’t need to hurt anyone’s feelings in order to make a joke.

Laughing is a state of life and it also keeps you fit physically and emotionally. 

It could be true that “a sense of humor is God’s antidote for anger and frustration” (Rick Warren).

Humor is one of our fundamental character strengths and an important survival tool. It helps gain intimacy, build connections and often buffer stress. But it is also what helps us remain optimistic. And like Elbert Hubbard said, “do not take life too seriously, you’ll never get out of it alive”.