Different is also good

© Dale Rogerson

It was going to be different. A destination none had even heard about before.

But that was the beauty of it. Exploring new places together. Boldly going where they had never been.

She didn’t mind, because she was with him.

He didn’t worry, because he was with her.

The important thing was that they would spend this time together.

And it is well known that unity makes force. With them united, they had nothing to fear.

It was different. But it was also wonderful.

Snowy and freezing outside, but warm and cosy inside.

With laughter and love to spread around.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Advertisement

Learn, thrive, and grow together

It’s a skill knowing when to stop a tiff from developing into a full-grown quarrel. It takes patience and a lot of struggle to reach the point of constraint, of choosing to walk away and quieten down rather than engage in a fight not worth having.

It takes time to learn things. Any thing.

Like the fact that you cannot force people to change. No matter how much you love them or care for them. Regardless of how deeply you let them in, people will only understand what they want. And they will alter their ways only when they truly desire. But just like a selfish person cannot become more caring, an altruist cannot suddenly stop placing others first and only look out for their own benefit. It goes both ways.

It is a wonder, really: is there something in between either feeling everything so profoundly or hardly sensing anything at all?

We are so accustomed to the stories we tell ourselves, those deafening voices in our heads that convince us to try more, to talk more, to press more in the hope that we’ll put ourselves out there and people will finally see us for who we are, for what we’re worth, for the value we so long for them to acknowledge. Yet in this, we fail to see that what we intend as effort, as nurturing care, and affection, to others seems as a suffocating attempt to change their beliefs and attitudes. We judge ourselves on our intentions and not on how we make the other person feel. We act in the way we consider as ‘common sense’ and obvious, but it is not so for everyone, and we often fail to realise that people seldom think and act the same way. Our cheerful ramble confiding in another a portion of our day may be regarded as moaning and just noisy chatter. We feel disappointed and rejected because we’ve created an expectation in our head that is hardly ever met. We set out already knowing what we want to see, and are shattered when it doesn’t play out as such.

Perhaps the biggest mistake we make is taking everything too personally; even when that is how it seems, we are rarely the reason people act like they do. The real cause for people’s behaviour lies within themselves, their upbringing, their experiences, their fears, their influences, their social surroundings, or even just the noise in their own heads.

True relationships – of any sort – help us do three essential things: learn together, grow together, and thrive together. Having fun is just a bonus. Any relationship makes you better in every single way possible. That’s the point of it after all.

Cold but warm together

It was one of those winter days when you would throw (boiling) water up in the air and by the time it began its descent it had already turned into ice.

Yes, it was that cold.

But Miranda loved it. She loved the snow, the cold, and the warmth it led to indoors, wrapped up with a blanket in front of the fireplace with a hot drink in hand, and family and friends around telling stories.

The cold brought them closer together. That was what she remembered.

Sometimes all it takes is for something out of the ordinary to remind us of the most fundamental virtues in life.

We tend to forget the need to nurture our bonds with others when we simply go about our (normal) days.

Exploiting opportunities

They had prepared for a weekend away. She had planned it in her head so perfectly. But usually when that happens – when you long for something too long and linger on it for a prolonged period of time – it almost never works out as you had hoped.

First, she missed the bus. Then, he was held overtime at work. By the time they managed to encounter, the day had almost passed.

And then, of course, torrential rain broke out and emergency alerts warned of a cyclone with strong winds and high seas. It was the exact opposite of the weekend planned.

The point of being able to enjoy life, however, is to have the capacity of making the most out of every situation, no matter how adverse or unfavourable it may seem.

He had equipped the kitchen with snacks and food to cook together. The essence was to spend time together, even if it meant staying in. Sometimes, this too can be fun – a healthy homemade meal, and watching movies snuggled on the couch.

“Nothing is more expensive than a missed opportunity”

“Your big opportunity may be right where you are now” – Napoleon Hill

We fall in love to feel alive

There is a saying that “the heart has its reasons which reasons knows not” (Blaise Pascal); that sometimes what you feel you want and what you know is rational are incompatible. But the heart is a powerful organ. It’s what keeps us alive.

Maybe we should listen to it more.

The heart has a way of making you feel things deeply, intensely and with full force. It is most evident when the feeling of love is concerned.

Falling in love is a process. One that is both terrifying and wonderful at the same time. One which devours your very being, but completes you to the fullest. It is what takes complete and utter control of you, of every sense and emotion you have.

Like this brilliant article says. “we fall in love not just with a person wholly external to us, but with a fantasy of how that person can fill what is missing from our interior lives”.

We fall in love because we want to feel wanted, desired, attractive, important. Because we need someone to share our experiences with, to make them priceless, to give fun a new meaning. We both want and need that special someone who will be the reason you count down the days for the weekend, and with whom you make plans for the future. That person who will acknowledge your value and won’t hesitate to fight for you. The person who will demonstrate that no matter the tough times you will unavoidably encounter, your relationship will endure, because together is a notion that is always strongest. We fall in love because we need that spark of optimism, of hope, of brightness in our lives.

However, it is true that “all love stories are frustration stories…to fall in love is to be reminded of a frustration you didn’t know you had” (Adam Phillips). “It is as if, oddly, you were waiting for someone but you didn’t know who they were until they arrived”.

The person you fall for is one who subconsciously you had already been expecting. The person who you’ll find you share with so many common habits, beliefs, likes, interests. It’s the person who makes time fly when you’re together and with whom time is never enough.

Love becomes a progressive transformation of an initial infatuation – “that parallel intensity of longing for our lover’s presence and anguishing in her absence”. It is indeed only when you meet that person who clicks with you, that you start missing them when they’re not around, because it is only then that you realise what it is you were longing for.

Love is a constant struggle between enthusiasm and torment, between giving and receiving, between compromising and accepting. But it is the intensity of it all that makes it worthwhile. And ultimately it is the very reason we fall in love, to feel alive.

 

Also part of Daily Prompt: Together

Also part of Daily Prompt: Passionate

Anyone for pizza?

 

 

 

 

There are people you wish you never knew
Places to which you never went,
Things you wish you had never seen,
And words you never said.

Dwelling on lives of others
Will only make you feel incomplete,
For jealousy comes from counting the blessings of others
And failing to see your very own.

It is hard to continue fighting an unfair battle,
But life was never just
Nor is it the fantasy party you dream,
But an experience you need to pull through.

There are so many things to do,
so many places to go,
so many sights to see,
so much food to share,
so much fun to have;
but it all hardly means anything
unless you have someone to share it with.

Be it a hug from the person you adore,
A kiss from the one you love,
a joke from a friend at heart,
or a gesture from a furry buddy,
having someone by your side,
always makes you stronger.

 

Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.
                                                     – Helen Keller