Mean Girls

Men don’t understand women in many things, one of them also being how they can be so mean to each other, even among friends. While the former keep things simple and don’t bother about (what to them seem as) trivial stuff, the latter do the exact opposite.

Let’s face it; it’s a truth: women are mean. To each other more often than not. Even among friends, no woman can hide her jealousy/envy for the success of another, be it work or social life.

And it all starts young. Girls at school are abysmal for lack of another word. The movie Mean Girls was not all fictional; it was based on real life. The worst bullies are females. Women think that if they bring another down, if they degrade, undermine, and make them feel inferior, they will rise up instead. But it doesn’t work that way.

Women are constantly trying to find a flaw in another. They say demeaning things to each other – even as a joke – and when it comes to male friends, they assume the role of the evil mother-in-law with no other woman ever being ‘good enough’ for them. They criticise with the ease they utter words out of fear they will lose their ranking among their clan.

It’s a general trait this, perhaps most evident among female groups: we think that if we impose our deemed superiority over others, we’ll dominate.

We judge because we’re insecure and we’re insecure because we judge.

Read that again. Because it all comes down to that simple fact.

Women have many positives too, don’t get me wrong, belonging to the gender myself, we do have our brilliant sides too. It usually depends what you awaken in one. Some of us are lucky to have found a couple of women we call sisters, who don’t give out all that negativity mentioned above. Perhaps if we were all more grateful for that and took better care of each other, we would instead, rise together. And we would all be much better off for it.

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Forces of Gender

It is a proven fact that men and women react to stressful situations differently. It’s not all about gender, though, it also has to do with a person’s character. But judging from the men in my family and workplace, they have a more reserved way of dealing with things that women usually lose control over.

Females have an innate tendency of shrieking their lungs out when their irritation hits alarming levels. It’s as if we’re giving up on trying to make sense of anything anymore and have surrendered to exasperation, releasing all the tension that has built up like a volcano gathering lava. We’re also severely more impatient, needing solutions here and now, and certainly more sentimental, allowing emotions to take over rational thinking at times.

It’s not easy remaining calm in adverse situations. And the more you tell someone in such cases to “relax” and “calm down”, the worse it gets. We know that’s what we need to do; but that doesn’t mean we can.

In movies – slapstick comedies in particular – we see the recurrence of actions that irritate a character for the sake of witnessing their reaction and laughing at it. But consider the person experiencing the incident. It may be funny to an outsider – or even to the same person after a while – but at that precise moment it’s literally salt on an open wound.

We need to lash out every so often to get rid of the tension we aggravate inside about everything – our lifestyle, our environment, the policies that govern our lives, the things we can’t control yet so deeply affect us. But we need to find healthier ways to release that stress. And we need people around us who understand, who actually help keep us sane, and who can maintain freak-out levels to a controllable intensity.

Feline females

©CEAyr

Her name was Saphire because of the colour of her eyes. She was independent, wanted attention but not too much and only on her terms and her mood-swings were unpredictable. If you ignored her, she would find a way to make her presence felt. It usually involved something you held dear.

Last night, she was upset you came in and didn’t devote to her the attention you deprived her of all day. She held that anger until this morning, when you woke up and couldn’t find her.

Until you did. Sitting on your scooter. Waiting. You were supposed to understand.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

A woman’s silence

She would often wander in a world no-one could understand. The real world made no sense anymore. She would retreat in the attic and later in the bedroom or living room. She would watch the time run by as she lost herself in books or let her mind gaze at TV series. She didn’t care anymore if she was alone. Now, it was something she actually looked forward to.

In the cold winter days, she would sit on a couch wrapped in a warm blanket with the company of her fluffy soft-toys. In their big glimmering eyes, she would find comfort. In there, she saw the reflection of who she wanted to be; who she was striving to become; who few would appreciate or, even more, understand.

Perhaps that was what was most disappointing. That no matter how much she explained her point of view, hardly anyone would see it. It is easy to put the blame for everything on someone else; it is even easier to dismiss all their views as wrong simply because they don’t agree with yours.People only listen to what they want to hear. And whatever you say, they will only focus on what they think is important, rendering everything else unsaid. She was tired of having to repeat herself so often, and not being heard. She was not understood. And that was perhaps worse than not being appreciated.

So, she drifted away. She had grown weary of trying to change a world that so adamantly refused to do so. She stopped insisting. Her grandfather once told her that people should fear a woman’s silence, for a woman who stops moaning and more so talking is one who has simply given up. A woman’s silence is her loudest cry. But few can truly realise that. Even fewer are bold enough to do something about it.

It’s easy to keep demanding that everyone else changes. The real courage is to admit that you need to change too. And to do it.

The perplexing gender game

“Wait, let’s consider it for a minute”. “No, you think too much”. “The problem is you think too little”.

Let’ face it: we’ve all had a similar conversation with a member of the opposite sex. Because whether we like it or not, men and women think differently. No matter how much we fight and rally for equal rights, structurally, the two genders are built to operate differently.

Men, for example, may be seen as insensitive at times, as rational and the beings who don’t really care about trivial stuff. What is considered “trivial” of course – just like everything else – is a matter of perspective. They are the ones, however, who can shut things out, who can turn their thoughts and concerns off for a moment and actually relax. They are the ones who when asked, “what are you thinking about”, may very well literally mean the “nothing” they reply.

Women are not like that. Their mind is not divided into boxes. And it is never ever at rest. Rather, it is a complicated amalgamation of a million thoughts and things-to-do all at once. To men this seems like a mess. But women are often considered the more organised sex, the ones who can have everything clean and tidy in no time, while also tending to a few other chores simultaneously. But they are also the ones who – reportedly – tend to nag a lot. Mainly because they think a lot and care too deeply about pretty much everything. To them literally everything means something. Words matter and so does body language. Men feel they are walking on broken glass near women. Women believe men who don’t talk or react have something to hide.

Our minds are created differently. That is why we operate at varying levels. We perceive things differently and understand our reality in alternate ways.

Women often get frustrated because men don’t understand them, and because they cannot comprehend why men can’t operate on their level – that of common sense. Men get irritated with all the shouting, which they believe is for no rational reason, and they cannot fathom why women get upset so easily and rapidly over anything and everything.

It would be boring if we were all the same.

But we need to accept each other’s differences and the fact that we are structurally made this way. We are supposed to complete each other, aid one another and make ourselves better.

Whatever else we wonder – like, why men don’t listen and women talk too much – will always remain unanswered questions.

Helping the economy

There is a saying that “men go shopping to get want they want; women go shopping to find out what they want”. In fact, females don’t have a very favourable reputation when it comes to shopping. Because put plainly, women can shop all the time, regardless of how much money they (don’t have) and they can never have enough of anything, especially shoes and clothes.

Men supposedly also have a special characteristic – that of being able to constrain themselves. But women…well, when they go shopping, it is very very easy to get carried away. And they more often than not do.

With the advent of online shopping, moreover, it has become all the more easier to get overexcited and buy more things that you need or sometimes can even afford.

Shopping for women has become a form of therapy; something men cannot understand. And this is where the gender differences become more apparent. Because it all comes down to the fact that women are excited to receive something new, even if they spend half their paycheck to get it. And despite visiting numerous stores in search of that perfect – affordable, if possible – item, they will always return to the one they saw first that may have a three-digit price tag, simply because it is a well-known fact that it is the first-view-first-click that will please you the most.

Yes, women are weird. Maybe a bit high-maintenance at times. And very often insane. But they are the ones that fill this world with sunshine. Because no man ever complained when the woman standing next to him looks glamorous wearing all the things she just spent her (or his) wage on

The incomprehensible female nature

“There is a girl at school that is picking on me,” barked Harriet as she entered the kitchen, throwing her bag on the floor.

She sat down at the kitchen table, silent.

Her young mother turned at looked at her. The little girl’s expression was caught between fighting a rage and restraining the tears.

“We’ve all been there, sweetie,” the older woman said soothingly. “And not just at school. It doesn’t really change much as age increases”.

“But these people only have the value you grant them. Try not to pay so much attention and you’ll see she’ll eventually stop. The more she sees she is getting to you, the more she’ll carry on like this. Just remember, we’re jealous and mostly envious of the people we think are better than us. So you have nothing to worry about. Don’t scoop to her level. Show her she is right to be jealous of you. And be the brave and strong little girl I know I have. I know it’s hard, but don’t stick to such issues for so long. We women have a curious way of overthinking and over-analysing everything. I think we spend over half our day doing that. And it is only women who have such issues with one another, pretending hypocritically that they love each other while they stab one another in the back. Just don’t get caught in the trap”.

“I’ll second that,” said the little girl’s father as he walked into the kitchen, warmly kissed his wife, and wrapped his arms around his daughter.

“Men have a different type of bond between them. One that women can’t understand. For better or worse we are simpler creatures. You women, though…” he sighed, “no matter how much time we spend with you, we’ll never be able to truly understand you!” He looked at his wife. “But regardless of the nagging and your incomprehensible nature, we wouldn’t know what to do without you, and we love you more than you know”. His wife smiled her blush away as her face illuminated.

 

Also part of Daily Prompt: Symbiosis

Please reply

The message was read. She knew it because there was that often inconvenient announcement at the bottom that informed you of when it was delivered and/or read. It was the source of all evil. Because if you didn’t know, you weren’t (so) concerned of why the recipient would not reply. But now that you knew, something was constantly bugging you all day. An entire conspiracy theory.

But what had truly happened was something that would never have even crossed her mind.

Jake woke up startled that morning, as the thunder alerted him that it would be a long and stormy day. He got up, still half-asleep, washed, dressed, ate breakfast as if on auto-pilot and joined the tens of other drivers going to work. But the slippery roads made everything more dangerous. And how was he to predict that the truck full of milk heading to a protest rally in front of him would break down, spilling liters of milk into the street and moreover, accidentally dropping an entire container full of milk onto his front car hood? He was stuck on the motorway for three hours until adequate assistance arrived.

That is when he saw her message.

“Goodmorning! Hope you are well! Have a lovely day!” It beamed full of sunshine. All that was precisely lacking from his day.

He was too agitated to respond at that moment, so he closed the app and put the phone away.

When he finally arrived at work, his desk was already piled with to-do notes and messages from phone calls he had to return. He even skipped lunch that day and managed to leave the office even after the cleaner. It was almost midnight.

He arrived home exhausted, fell on the coach and dropped into deep sleep.

Georgia on the other hand was steaming. It had been all day and he had not replied. A million scenarios had gone through her head. The things women make up and drive themselves crazy for a reason men do not and can not understand. Women can not understand it either, but they still do it anyhow.

She promised herself she would not send anything else or call him. She might even ignore his future texts and calls too.

The next morning when Jake awoke, the first thing that came to mind was that bright message he had forgotten to respond to the previous day.

“You are my ray of sunshine. I’ve had a terrible day yesterday and would love to see you soon,” he texted.

Georgia huffed when she heard the text alert. She was both curious and excited at the same time. But the minute she read it, she couldn’t help but smile. She was about to respond, when he called. She couldn’t hold a grudge. Not after that. She just wished he could have simply texted two words the previous day. Indeed how much agitation we would all avoid if people simply sent a reply to even the basic of messages.

The writing on the wall

Caterina looked at the clock on the wall. She was sitting in the waiting room for forty minutes already. But this was normal given the occasion. It was a very popular office and urgent things kept popping up. After all, it wasn’t easy to see a Minister.

The waiting room was reminiscent in name to lobbies of medical practitioners. But the atmosphere was very different. The couches were brown leather, but of the “professional” sort, that don’t make noises when you slide across them, and don’t sink as you fall into them. The walls were painted a soft yellow colour that reminded dreamers of the pale colour of sunrise in autumn. And right across the main couch was a framed canvas that read “Good things come to those who wait”. It was a fitting advice, but was it true?

Caterina worked as a press officer for a non-governmental organization that closely cooperated with the Minister. She had booked the meeting a couple of weeks in advance and had everything prepared for today. But now, all she could do was wait. And as she waited, her mind drifted. She stared at the writing on the canvas, noticed how the light colours and the curves made the whole painting seem so much more optimistic, and how it actually managed to transmit that positive perspective to the viewer. But Caterina could not shake off that feeling she had lately – that she was alone. No matter the many people who encircled her during the day, she would always return to a home where she would be alone. She missed having someone to share her life with, and her mind (and dreams) were constantly fixed on this thought, or rather, grievance.

That was until today. Because today, sitting right under that prophetic painting was Johnnie. Johnnie was a government aide. He was perfect for the job because he was a “people’s person”. He was extrovert and always knew what to say; he could start a conversation out of nowhere, and had a way of making everyone crack a smile. And, according to Caterina, he himself possessed the most engaging smile she had seen in a while. When her eyes fell on him, he smiled widely and winked. Caterina blushed, smiled, and turned her eyes to the floor. Every woman loves being flirted with, but it is the ones who dare to make a further move that usually win their hearts.

Johnnie was one of those guys.

He got up and transferred himself to Caterina’s couch. “In the next minute, I will have been here for an hour. And you?” he inquired. “Fifty minutes,” she responded a bit embarrassed.

“Seems I’m winning this one,” he joked. She laughed. And he smiled so that his eyes gleamed. Men love to make women laugh, especially if it reveals a spark in her eyes.

Caterina was one of those girls.

That was the day they both realized that sometimes, the good things come when you least expect them, as long as you are open to seeing them and seize the opportunity that arises. In the end, it doesn’t really matter how long you wait, if what you find truly compensates the waiting time.

Also part of Daily Prompt: Waiting Room

Raising a castle from the ground

My grandmother always told me that you should never give women a response as vague as “do what you think, dear”. Because if you do, she is not responsible for the surprise you will receive.

I think she was the one who invented this rule.

Grandfather was always specific with his responses. He never said “do what you think”, but always presented her with at least two options. So, for example, if she would ask “what do you want for dinner tomorrow?”, he would say “how about some fried chicken, or perhaps some lamb stew?”. He had realized that if he offered two options, he would at least get the one. But there were always times when grandmother decided to implement a third option that she herself had decided upon.

Women are crazy and insistent like that. There was no way you could understand the manner their minds worked. Grandfather said it was not even worth trying. You would sooner be driven crazy than even begin to comprehend them.

Grandfather had learnt his lesson when during the early years of their marriage he had gone off on a three-day hunting trip with his friends. Grandmother was left alone in the house, having plenty of things to do and being content with simply running the household.

But she soon got bored and on the second day called grandfather to ask if he wouldn’t mind a few changes being made in the house’s construction. He gave the unfortunate response of “sure, do whatever you think is best, my dear”.

Grandmother kept herself busy, frantically and excitedly creating in reality what she had already constructed in her mind.

When grandfather returned two days later, he had to run around the house twice, thinking he made a wrong turn somewhere and ended up at someone else’s house. The house he had left, that simple, stone-walled maisonette he had departed from, had disappeared and in its place there had been erected a renaissance-style villa, with fifteen steps and a huge porch leading to the two-doored entrance of a three-storey house. The back yard featured a stable and a hencoop, while the entire perimeter was confined by an elegantly crafted wooden fence. Grandmother rushed out to greet him, beaming with joy. “Do you like the new changes?” she asked, obviously rhetorically. Grandfather was speechless. Grandmother took it to mean he loved them.

Women are crazy like that. They can raise castles out of molehills in less time than you need to go to the market and return. Yet they will always ask for your opinion, even for something simple as the colour of their shoes, but never listen to what you say. Either way, you have to admit, life would be really boring without them.