Redefining

©MCD

Sometimes getting lost isn’t a bad thing. It’s a way of finding something new. Of discovering alternative routes. Desires you didn’t know you had. A passion that was underlying for so long.

Sometimes disappearing is a way of re-finding yourself.

It’s a way of setting new priorities, of clearing out the field, of acknowledging what and who matters most. It’s a manner of redefining life and yourself. Of getting to choose how you spend your time.

It’s only when you stop that you can truly acknowledge what you have.

And it’s only when you get lost that you can find things anew.

Problematic loops

We easily fall into that trap: thinking that we’re the only ones facing problems, or that the challenges we’re dealing with are the hardest ones of all.

We fall into a loop of depression, disappointment, and delusion as if the world has come to its detriment. We sulk and moan and lose all appetite, instead of mustering the courage to power through and resolve whatever the issue may be.

But in this loop, we create even more problems with the people around us: those who mean well but grow tired when their efforts to lift us up go in vain.

Then the yelling begins. On either side. Until one has the constraint to stop and not respond.

A period of ceasefire follows.

And then remorse. From one or the other or from both.

Comprehending the root cause is often the first step in solving any problem. But it implies admitting there is something wrong, to begin with. What we fail to usually see is that our attitudes have the power to mend or break whatever it is that is troubling us.

Take some time off. Let your mind wander elsewhere. Everything usually appears better after a break, a walk outdoors, a hug, or even just a cup of tea.

Speak to me

Introverts have this ‘thing’ (among others): they don’t talk a lot.

The paradox with that, however, is that around the ‘right’ people they won’t stop talking. Once they feel comfort – loved, respected, appreciated, they’ll just blabber away for hours. So much that they might even feel exhausted afterwards. Because when you share so much of yourself, it’s like you’re allowing someone to have a part of you. A part you so delicately place in their hands – in their control – and hope that it won’t be harmed.

When you share parts of your story – parts that hurt you most of all – you secretly wish that it will be nurtured back to life. Like a withering flower.

In the end that’s really what we all seek: someone who understands and stays even when they see all the scars and injuries we’re carrying.

Walk before you run

When we don’t want to accept something – usually because in our minds we pictured it all too differently – we face resistance. We’re essentially fighting ourselves; that inner battle you hear so much about. It’s what silently eats you up and wears you down. It’s the reason you can’t find the desire, courage or inspiration to do anything. Because you’re so exhausted from fighting against your own thoughts.

When your heart and mind are not in sync, you cannot find peace. And if you’re not serene, you cannot sleep. And if you’re not rested, you won’t have the energy to do pretty much anything. There is a logical consequence here that you will only be able to see once you admit you’re falling apart. It’s the first step to let go and pull yourself back together.

But that’s the most difficult one to take.

The first step is always usually the hardest.

But if you learn to walk, you’ll soon be able to run.

Tastes and everything behind them

“Taste this,” he said offering a small piece of what looked like a brownie.

“What is it?” she inquired, suspicious as always.

“Just try it.”

She trusted him enough to do so.

The softening of her face and the tardiness of her chew betrayed how much she was savouring that bite.

“It’s delicious,” she finally said after she removed all traces of it from her mout.

He smiled, knowingly.

“What’s in it?” she continued the enquiry.

She wasn’t a chef. He was. He sighed. “Does it really matter? Would it change the taste?”

She looked at him puzzled.

“If I tell you how many ounces of flour, or tablespoons of cocoa, or milligrams of nuts and everything else I used, would it change something? Wouldn’t you want more, anyway? Why do you need to analyse it so much? It was a bite that got you completely mindful for a minute. Isn’t that the true point of it?”

She stared, bewildered at how he could use a brownie to symbolise her overthinking.

“Sometimes it’s easier if we don’t look into everything so much. It’s more fun to just let things happen the way they do, particularly if we have no control over them. Don’t you think?”, he said offering her another piece which she took willingly, regardless of not knowing what exactly it took to make it. It tasted divine and, right now, that was enough.

Trust issues

It all begins when you open a biscuit box and find buttons and sewing kits inside.

And when a cookie jar contains coffee or anything but cookies.

Or when salt is mistaken for sugar in your tea.

It then expands into other sectors of your life: from doubting your own certainty that you’ve locked the door or turned off the cooker, to believing others for what they say.

Trust is perhaps the most important quality any person or relationship can have. Together with respect it is the hardest to build and the easiest to break. But it is essential.

In dance, there is even an entire segment related to learning to trust your partner – blindfold you are told to fall back, trusting that they will be there to catch you.

It’s not easy to allow yourself to trust someone. Especially if that trust was once broken in the past. But it is intrinsic for healthy relationships to work. It’s tiresome after all to be constantly suspicious about everything. Trust entails a sentiment of security, comfort and safety. And it is something we all desire (admittedly or not).

Ideal time

©MCD

The “ideal” is not a place. It’s time and what you choose to do with it.

At that very moment.

With the person next to you.

Regardless of place or temperature.

You define the mood.

Also part of Weekend Writing Prompt #357

Endless potential

©MCD

There is an element of freedom in being outdoors as far away from civilisation as possible. Imagine having a sailboat and finding yourself in the middle of an ocean. Breathe it in for a minute. Can you feel it? That sense of endless possibilities? The immense potential? The adrenaline rush and survival instinct that you can do anything.

Often we need to take a risk. To not think too much about something. Overthinking drowns our possibilities, because the more you analyse something, the more you’ll find reasons not to go for it. What if you tried something different and – perhaps even against all odds, it did work out? What if we considered all the things that could go right instead of everything that could go wrong? If you lure your fate, it may even turn in your favour.

Breathe. Let your mind wander into the unknown, beyond the horizon, sinking into all the shades of blue that surround us.

There is so much we are capable of out there; yet so little we ultimately allow ourselves to do.

Opportunities missed

When you’re happy you hope it will last forever.

When you’re sad, you hope it won’t.

But the truth is, we are responsible for nurturing the feelings that prevail in us.

If we have control over something, it’s in the way we react to the crises life throws our way. Sure, some things are not easy to manage. Yet, it is up to us to take charge.

We postpone things for later as if we’ll have all the time in the world… later. As if everything will stay the same, waiting for us to make time in our overloaded and busy agendas. As if the world isn’t rotating as we breathe.

And when something shocking occurs, we skip a beat and wonder how we missed the opportunity. How we allowed so much time to pass without exploiting it; without getting in touch with people we missed; without communicating how we feel; without taking that leap we’d surely regret otherwise.

Time is often an illusion: we think we have plenty, yet it constantly slips through our fingers like sand in an hourglass.

What we have today is not certain or guaranteed that will remain tomorrow. As pessimistic as that sounds, it’s reality.

Imagine, therefore, what if you took in every moment you had: to make that call, to say those words, to go to that place, to do those things… to live exactly the way you desire. Wouldn’t that be a better investment of time?

Time invested

“Whatever you do, do it with intent; otherwise it’s just wasted time. And time is not something you want to squander.”

He was right. But when you’re a child you cannot see that.

Maggie only realised what her tutor was saying when her time became limited due to work, household obligations, hobbies and social interactions and she had to carefully select what and who she devoted it to.

She recalled what he said then.

“When you do what you enjoy and have fun, it is never time wasted but time invested.”

Also part of Weekend Writing Prompt #352