A cheetah among dogs

We humans are curious creatures.

We like to talk about each other, but we have a vital need to feel acknowledged. More so by those we appreciate and love.

It makes us feel valued, it boosts our confidence, and gives us motivation.

But the thing is, in all these modern self-help and manifestation vibes going around, we’re taught to depend on no one other than yourself in knowing your own worth.

We’re supposed to know our own value. To not alter that despite what others think. Yet, we are unavoidably impacted by external opinions. Perhaps to a larger extent than we should.

It takes strength and great confidence to dispel the outer voices and go with whatever you think is appropriate and what makes you feel good with yourself.

You don’t always have to prove yourself.

Sometimes it is even insulting to have to demonstrate your worth (just look at that cheetah in the dog race).

So much more than you think

Why do you allow yourself to enter this phase?

It’s like a lunar eclipse; you tolerate someone moving into your shadow and blocking your light.

Remember that empowerment seminar a year ago? You’re the source of your own strength. But also of your own weakness. And people will only treat you the way you allow them to.

You weren’t raised to become friable by some unknown person’s intents. You’re not meant to be crushed; it’s not who you are, and not what you’re destined for. Get that into your head.

So react. You’ve sulked long enough. Now rise up and recall your worth. You’re better than this. And you deserve so much more.

Don’t forget that.

Also part of Your Daily Word Prompt

Emerging from the shadows

People fear a lot of things. But one intrinsic fear that may be common to all is the fear of being forgotten. We all want to make an impact, to leave a footprint in this world, to be remembered as having lived here.

We live in a world where everyone is trying to be famous, for anything no matter how futile and for however short-lived the duration may be.

In an era where everything can be broadcast and gone viral in a matter of seconds, the millennial generation is one addicted to attention. Everyone wants to be branded even though they’re not good at anything. We need the spotlight to satisfy our internal shortcomings.

The truth is, we need recognition and the broader social acceptance to displace the negative voices we alone create in our heads; to feed our own self-appreciation, self-acceptance and value. An old Japanese Samurai proverb says, “don’t speak bad of yourself. For the warrior within hears your words and is lessened by them”. Our need to receive recognition from others is ultimately founded by our need to prove our own value, firstly to ourselves. It’s always easier to complain, judge and condemn than to lift each other up. This is the culture we’ve created. But what everyone is truly seeking, is to enhance our own value. We depend on the recognition of others, because we’ve associated this feeling with that of our own self-worth and satisfaction.

Yet at the same time as searching for acknowledgement, we withhold from even asking for it. We suppress our wants out of fear of appearing egoistic, weak or needy. We hide in the shadows, but don’t want to be invisible. It’s a paradox of human nature. We desire to stand out from the crowd but refrain from making the effort to do so.

Those inclined and used to working backstage know first-hand the problems of not being appreciated or acknowledged for your work. Because in catchy songs, everyone praises the singer and never the songwriter; in wonderful books, hardly anyone ever remembers the writer, and when the novel becomes a movie, it is even associated with the actors that bring the plot to life, not the person who had the idea behind it all.

The difficulty of working in the shadows is that you never get recognized for your work and someone else always gets credit and is remembered for it. The problem in making others look good is that you never get to exhibit your true potential. It’s like you’re trying to leave your footprint but someone else always tramples on top of it and leaves their mark instead.  The world will thus never know your worth because you don’t speak up, because you’re the one who pushes others forth and remains behind the scenes, hoping to at least receive some form of acknowledgement and value.

Mother Theresa had said that “there is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread”, and it is a common fact that recognition is the best method of improving work motivation and employee engagement. It is essentially a driving force for life itself: for if you don’t show appreciation to those who deserve it, they’ll eventually learn to stop doing the things you appreciate.

Know your value

In a packed lecture class, a professor held up a €20 note and asked his students who wanted it. Everyone in the room lifted up their hand. The professor then crumpled it and asked again: “is there anyone who still wants this bill?” Everyone in the room raised their hand again. He then threw the note on the floor and began to kick it, jump on it and make it as dirty as he could with his shoes. He then picked it up, crinkled, muddy and stained. He asked again: “Who wants this crinkled, muddy and stained €20 bill?” Every single student again raised their hand.

“My friends”, he said, “today you will receive a great lesson. No matter what I did to this bill, you still wanted it because it hasn’t lost its value. It is still worth €20!”.

“Many times in our lives, we are trampled upon, struck hard, thrown down and stepped upon…by both people and circumstances”.

“Do you believe that this reduces your value?”

“Your true worth does not change in the eyes of those who really care about you”.

“Even at our worse, our value remains intact…as long as we ourselves don’t forget it during both our good times and our hard”.

Know your worth. Stop giving yourself to people and situations that don’t deserve you, that don’t chose you and place you as a priority always. If you don’t appreciate your value, no one else will.

A bear’s hug

No matter how strong you are or feel you ought to be, there comes a time when you too feel vulnerable and weak and just need someone to come over and give you a bear hug. You know, that tight hug, were the other wraps their arms around you, almost immobilizing you. That powerful embrace that makes you feel you’re not alone because you can feel the other person’s heart beating on your chest. It’s that cuddle we all need to feel warm inside. The one where you seem to be holding the other person in your grasp, but you are really touching their soul.

We all need a hug once in a while. For more reasons than the simple pleasure of feeling closer to someone dear to us.

When we hug someone, that nurturing touch enhances our sense of trust and safety. But it also allows oxytocin to be released into our bodies by our pituitary gland, lowering both our heart rates and our cortisol levels, helping us soothe feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger.

Holding a hug for an extended time also increases our serotonin levels, elevating mood and creating happiness.

Hugging boosts self-esteem because it is associated with the feeling that we are loved and special.

Hugging relaxes muscles and releases tension in the body. Hugs can take away pain, as they soothe aches by increasing circulation into the soft tissues.

Perhaps most importantly, however, “hugs are so much like meditation and laughter. They teach us to let go and be present in the moment. They encourage us to flow with the energy of life. Hugs get you out of your circular thinking patterns and connect you with your heart and your feelings and your breath”.

So no matter your age, your state or occupation, give hugs freely and receive them just as openly. They are vital for our survival and will certainly make your day.

The little you know…

They say ignorance is bliss. And sometimes it’s true. Because sometimes, there are things you don’t want to know. That you’d be much better off if you didn’t see. And just sometimes, living in your own (ignorant) little world, may simply keep you happy.

It’s like turning a blind eye to the problem of poverty and illegal immigration, which pushes people to the edge, and eventually to their drowning – like what happened on Thursday 03 October outside the island of Lampedusa, Italy, where over 100 people died in an attempt to flee from African shores into Europe. It’s the belief that if you pretend it’s not there, it never happened, and the problem doesn’t exist.

But the same thing applies to other occasions. For example, dwelling too much on the lives of others as so perfectly publicized on social media networks and getting depressed that your life is far from that. You don’t need to know all that information so openly thrown out there at…well, anyone!

People were much more sociable before the rise of social media. Before you could publicise every second of your life and so desperately try to persuade how insanely perfect and awesome everything is with you. In fact, it seems people were even happier, before the invasion of all these negative effects of technology.

So sometimes, you should close your eyes and ears to things around you, things that bother you and only serve to make you feel worse. There’s no point. Because life is what you make of it. And you don’t need to publish every second of it, to count your likes and comments, in order to feel good about what you do. That simply proves the contrary of exactly what you want to demonstrate. And the absence of self-esteem, to say the least.

Sometimes ignorance is bliss. Because, sometimes the less you know about the troubles of this world, the better you feel about living in it.

Whether this is right or wrong, is up to you to judge…

“Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise” – Thomas Gray.