Inner conflicts

It sounds like a cliché but it’s true: Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. You are not aware of what is going on in other people’s lives. You only know what they allow you to. If you are not at the receiving end of a heartfelt conversation, you’ll never know. You won’t realise the depth of the people around you if they don’t open up to you.

People long to share their emotions. It’s a way of maximising the joy of success and good news, and a means of alleviating the suffering of pain and sadness. It’s not about making you feel jealous or burdening you with additional problems. It’s about trusting you enough to confide in you their intimate details.

Secrecy breeds pain. In all aspects. If we keep things inside of us, we’re suffering so much on our own that we’re causing our own destruction. And no one knows.

We let people in whom we can trust. Whom we believe won’t scare away. Who’ll comprehend that what we want is someone to sit by us in silence while we share our version of the world.

True, we all have different viewpoints, but it is only when we are given another’s lens that we begin to see the world differently.

Icebergs have the extraordinary ability to be able to majestically float when the majority of them is underwater, hidden from the naked eye. We sort of do the same when something is wrong. We hide it under the carpet, hoping nobody will see it and pretending it will go away.

There is so much more to what we see in others. You can discern it in their eyes, in the authenticity of their smile, in the sincerity of their laugh. Happiness comes in waves. But it’s at the lowest points that we need help getting back up. Even if asking for assistance may seem like the hardest thing to do.

Every person you meet is going through things you will never know.

Just like you share in your head thoughts you will never speak of.

Seeking advice

We seek advice from others because it is often deafening to quarrel with the sound of your own voice inside your head. We feel the need for an exterior perspective, in case we’re missing something given that we’re so deep in the situation we’re experiencing.

Perhaps it is true that “advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t” (Erica Jong) or maybe it’s just that we look to others to help us find a solution we’re too blind to see.

Talking to others – to the right others – most times helps us clarify things that are fogging our own judgement. It makes us see a clearer picture by getting out of the circle of our own bias and viewing a more spherical perspective.

But there is a catch in turning to friends – or professionals – for help: they’re not you. And whatever they tell you, they’re not the ones who will have to live with the decisions you make.

Not all friends want what’s best for you, neither does everyone understand how you feel, how you react, your idiosyncrasies, needs or desires. But most importantly, no one really knows what you should do in any given situation; opinions are not facts; they’re merely a perspective of reality. And each person behaves differently, leading to a diverse outcome each time. There is no ‘one-shoe-fits-all’ solution to all of our problems. Plus not all ‘friends’ want what is best for you; jealousy is a vicious characteristic.

Remember this: “You are the expert on you and even if you don’t know something, nobody can know what’s best for you better than you. So start trusting your gut instincts more and listen to other so-called experts less”.

“The best place to find a helping hand is at the end of your own arm” (Joshua Miller)

Cold but warm together

It was one of those winter days when you would throw (boiling) water up in the air and by the time it began its descent it had already turned into ice.

Yes, it was that cold.

But Miranda loved it. She loved the snow, the cold, and the warmth it led to indoors, wrapped up with a blanket in front of the fireplace with a hot drink in hand, and family and friends around telling stories.

The cold brought them closer together. That was what she remembered.

Sometimes all it takes is for something out of the ordinary to remind us of the most fundamental virtues in life.

We tend to forget the need to nurture our bonds with others when we simply go about our (normal) days.

That feeling of being at home

©MCD

There is a serenity in finding a place you can call home. Because no matter how many buses, trains, airplanes you need to get there, it is all worth the tiredness when you finally reach it. It is a place you hold dear in your heart because you know it will always welcome you back, no matter how far you go or how long it takes for you to return.

It is even greater if you have friends who will always be waiting for you and who will get out of their way to make you feel like home, because that is exactly where you feel you are. A family is one that extends beyond blood ties. And those friends who are geographically distant from you are sometimes the ones who are the closest. You will talk for hours about everything and always be up to date with each others’ lives. They will always have some wise advice to share and that optimism that everything will be all right and life will find its way to give you want you deserve.

There are places that mark our lives. Places where we wished we could live forever, as long or short a period that word connotes. There are places that don’t really change with time, but that is perfectly OK with us because you don’t want them to change (only if it is for the better). There are places other people tell you they visited on a travel streak and you are proud to say, ‘I know it, I lived there, it is like home’.

There are places where no matter your absence, whenever you return, you know exactly where everything is and where to go, where the hidden gems are, and where to find the best views. As if coming back home.

And if you are lucky enough to find such a place with friends who have become family, you are blessed with having a home away from home, one that will offer you peace and tranquillity, a place to crash (literally and metaphorically) and the strength to regroup yourself so you can return to ‘normality’ stronger and more optimistic.

The chicken, the monkey and the duck

Once upon a time there was a chicken. It was fluffy and yellow when it was born and everyone admired at how cute and cuddly it looked. It was the joy of the barn. Yet, the chick knew that once it grew up it would be treated just like every other chicken in the coop, and would eventually be sacrificed to feed others larger than itself.

The chick wanted to change that. It could see no reason why it could not be the pioneer in a different life for chickens. And it was determined to prove to all the other animals that laughed at it that it was possible. All it took was resolution and courage. So the chick packed a few seeds in a little bundle and set off. It was going to change its destiny.

The chick was of course unsure of what it would encounter outside the farm, but it was stubborn enough to keep going. No matter what life threw in its path, it would deal with it.

The chick entered a forest path and was enthralled by all the big trees around it with noises from all sorts of animals. Birds were singing in the trees, creepy-crawlies were sliding across the grass, woodpeckers were pecking on the tree barks, deer were grazing peacefully in the shades of the leaves. The chick stopped in its tracks, amazed at the wonders of nature. Never had it imagined how beautiful life outside the barn could be. All of a sudden, an acorn fell on its head. But this chicken didn’t fear the sky was falling and start to run like crazy. No. This chick simply looked up and saw a playful little cheeky monkey grinning at it.

Long story short, the chick and the monkey became friends. They were both young and full of energy so they decided to discover life together. And just like the chick wanted to see what was beyond the boundaries of the barn, the monkey wanted to see what was beyond the forest. The chick packed a fresh batch of seeds and the monkey a few bananas. And off they set together.

The two reached a large blue lake. It seemed so calm as if it was a transparent crystal sheet covering the land. And on it there were ducks and swans skimming across the water. There was in particular a young duckling. It was not ugly at all. And it was a duckling that would grow into a duck not a swan. Curious to see what these two were staring at, the duckling swam close to the shore, and with a hop jumped on to land. The chick and monkey were startled with this fluffy animal that was splattering water all over them.

Soon enough, the two became three, as the duckling too wanted to experience life beyond the lake.

And so the animals continued, discovering new places and new friends, growing up together and enjoying life in the fullest. Because there will always be someone who wants to live beyond the confines of their own world, and no matter how wonderful you see their world, someone else will always want to see more.

So moral of the story is: don’t be afraid to exit your comfort zone, you’d be surprised at how much more there is out there that you never even imagined!