Eleven years of Whispers

You know that saying that time passes by quickly (especially when you’re having fun)? Well, it’s true, regardless. Can you believe that it’s already been eleven years since I uploaded my first blog post here? 1.289 posts and 132 months later, here we are celebrating another blogversary!

So many things change over such a time, yet so many things stay the same.

Eleven, it is said, is a symbol of new beginnings and positive changes. So, I’ll keep that and share 11 things I’ve come to notice most during the past year:

1. If you have to force something, it’s not your size. Similarly, if you have to ask for it, it loses half its value.
2. You don’t always get the love you think you deserve. You mostly get what you accept.
3. Don’t expect others to behave like you would. They usually never do and the only one left disappointed is you.
4. A heartbreak is like a broken string; it can be mended but it won’t be the same.
5. The only way to liberate your heart is to lighten your mind. You can get a great load off if you write it down, and you can put your thoughts in order if you lay them out before you.
6. If you stop expecting, you’ll be more grateful for things that happen as they do.
7. If something is meant to be, it will always find a way.
8. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent; it all depends on the interpretation you give to things that occur.
9. Your own mindset has incredible power in lifting you up or pulling you down. You choose which part to feed.
10. People say a lot, but few actually act on it.
11. The only limits to what you can do are the ones you yourself set.

But perhaps most importantly, time is all we have; we should invest it wisely in people and things that make us happy. And remember: if it is out of our hands (thus our control), it should be out of our minds too.

So here’s to new beginnings and the hope of a more positive path ahead!

Cash at hand

A wise man once said that yesterday is like a void cheque, while tomorrow is simply a promissory note. Today we have cash at hand. And we should spend it as best and as broadly as we can because we will never have that opportunity again. The world is immense, and all we have is now.

It is amazing how when you rid your mind of expectations, you also alleviate yourself from worry. The less you expect, the less you’re troubled.

Truth is, if you take things as they come, you’ll also be happier. Because you act in the way you feel, exploiting the moment and not anticipating anything. So, whatever comes is a pleasant surprise. It also reduces the pressure you feel, both on yourself and on others, to act or react in a certain way.

Studies have found that 85% of the things we worry about never actually happen. Yet we incessantly consume our energy and occupy our minds we these possibilities.

We fail to comprehend that life itself is the perception we give it. It is the lens we choose to view it with that makes the difference. And as such, we are the masters of what we select to see. We either wake up determined to make it a good day or moan that it is yet another morning when who knows what could go wrong. Just think about all the wonderful things that could happen, though.

If the secret to a successful and carefree life is the law of attraction, begin from within, attracting and ‘manifesting’ (as is the latest modern-day trend) positive and luminous energy. If we consciously choose to change our viewpoint and reject the thoughts that pose so many limitations on us, we will unconsciously begin to see that everything around us will smile right back.

Sometimes we just need to stop thinking altogether; to get out of our heads, to stop being so scared, and just go for it. Either it will work out or it won’t. But wouldn’t it be better to try than to regret? And what if it does work? What if you fly?

70,000 thoughts a day

Experts estimate that we make around 70,000 thoughts a day. Most of them are obsessive-compulsive. And that incessant mental chatter steals our energy and drowns our focus. We’re pushed into creating scenarios about things that probably won’t even happen, interpretations that don’t stand, and events that aren’t true.

Yet, these are still thoughts that occupy our minds.

We have a tendency to gravitate towards the negative. If we hear ten positive things and one not-so-positive, we will automatically focus on the latter. Call it our innate instinct of survival, it’s what we feel threatens us and we need to act to fix it.

Perhaps the problem, however, is that we stick to how we think people should act. And that’s what makes us react so much to everything. Because we have in our head a whole list of actions that we are expecting others to make: to check up on us without any particular reason; to send a good morning text simply to show they’re thinking of us; to show up at our doorstep with a bowl of hot soup when we’re sick; to just sit with us when we’re not feeling well and all we want is some company to watch TV with. We long for things that others maybe don’t even think of: a goodnight call to make us feel loved before we end the day; attention when we’re upset; a smile when we’re frowning; the sharing of good news; a walk together to clear our minds. For us, we’re not asking for much. But nothing is obvious, and we shouldn’t expect others to act as we would. Perhaps that is the most difficult and troublesome thought of all: that we cannot expect others to behave in the way we would anticipate them to. We can’t compel people to change; they’ll do so if they truly want to.

We demand more of ourselves and oftentimes we force that upon others too.

We think too much and we perplex our minds with situations that sometimes don’t correspond to reality. But those thousands of thoughts soon take over our feelings. And that is the most dangerous of all. For we feel even when we sleep; when we spring awake from a nightmare, when we smile from the love we dream. We feel constantly. Some more than others. Not everyone can be as insensitive as not to realise when they’re causing trouble to others, or as empathetic that they carry the burden of others’ troubles. We need to find a balance. But the weight of our endless thoughts often hinder us from doing so.

We’re caught in an endless stream of thoughts that exasperates when we’re tired, stressed or worried. And this further adds to our exhaustion – both mental and physical. But like this article notes:

• Just think how much energy and time you could have saved, if you could reduce the number of your thoughts.
• Just think how much better focus you could possess, if thoughts did not bother you.
• Just think how much inner peace, calmness and happiness you would have enjoyed, if there was a way to stop all these thoughts, which add nothing to your life.

Let me ask you, do you keep the engine of your car running after arriving at your destination? You certainly switch the engine off. So why not do so with your mind?

Some thoughts steal our peace, and in time, our lives too.

Rainpour

When everything seems to be going just fine, we innately have an inexplicable fear that the wheel will turn to upturn it all.

We end up with nightmares that terrify us in our sleep and various thoughts that haunt us during the day.

We become clingy, vulnerable, insecure, and upset. Easily irritated by the slightest of things. We give importance to issues that shouldn’t matter and we are affected by every little detail around us.

We seek attention to alleviate the burden of the world we feel on our shoulders.

We desire to feel prioritised and important so we can regain part of that self-confidence that was drowned in those disturbing contemplations we create in our heads.

What we want is a person’s time – our person’s time – but that goes beyond the moments we simply spend together. It’s those instances when there are no other distractions around, and they devote their presence to you completely. That’s what we want. The other’s attention and energy. The feeling that for those (few) moments, you are their utmost priority, and there is nothing that can change that.

We want to feel special and loved, particularly at our most vulnerable state. When it starts to rain and it pours. When we view life under a dark cloud and can’t decipher that light at the end of the tunnel.

We want a hug that will wipe it all away.

A few soft works that speak to the heart.

A caring gaze that relights the spark in our eyes.

We want to feel the loving care we sort of lost along the way, that got pushed aside by the fear that if it’s too good, something bad is lingering in the shadows.

We need the confidence to believe that everything will truly be all right, because that is what we deserve; we’ve worked for it and we’ll get there. Eventually.

We want to trust that we’re not alone on that path there.

But most of all, we need to transform ourselves from using our energy to worry and moan, to believing, creating, trusting, healing, manifesting, and growing.

It’s the only way to stop the rain and bring back the sun.

Coloured time

©GE

And just like that, summer has passed and we’re already in the middle of autumn.

Without even realising how the days have gone by so quickly.

Often when we’re too busy with life itself, we don’t have time to even consider how it flies by.

Perhaps it’s better that way too.

Because we enjoy it more.

We fill our days with adventure, so much that it finds us even when we’re not looking for it.

The key is this: to keep yourself entertained so you are barely able to sulk about anything negative.

Keep your eyes, mind, and heart open. Good things are coming if you send out the right vibes.

The invisible battles

You know that cashier who was rude the other day at the supermarket? The salesperson who seemed uninteresting in helping you? The waiter who evidently ignored you no matter how politely you called numerous times? The person on the bus who took up the whole adjacent seat and did not allow you a space to sit, or the driver who broke out in rage at the morning traffic jam?

They all affect your mood somehow or other.

Because we allow ourselves to be unconsciously burdened by the other’s disposition.

Consider it: If you begin your morning with angered yells, noise from all around, impoliteness, offensive remarks and gestures, and a general irritation that has no apparent cause, won’t you too inadvertently adopt an agitation you cannot explain?

But what about if you started your day with a smile? A sweet good morning message from a loved one, an unexpected caring note, a smile with your take-away coffee, a ‘have a good day’ from the customer you assist, a polite wave from the driver you allow to insert the queue in front of you. Wouldn’t that instantly make you feel better? The satisfaction you receive is immense even from the slightest of things that may seem irrelevant to you.

That morning greeting may have made someone’s day. And it subconsciously also made yours too.

Be polite, always. There is no excuse for rudeness. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Courtesy costs nothing.

A decade of Whispers

Every big thing starts with a simple moment of folly in which, upon taking that leap, you ask “why not” and “what if”. Because yes, in jumping, you may fall; but what if you fly?

We have a tendency in this modern fast-paced world of ours to consider the downside more than what we have to gain. But we sometimes fail to see that if we don’t dare to try, we won’t move to grow. Change won’t happen if we don’t go after it.

In the past years of pandemic lockdowns, political developments, climate change (floods, heatwaves, fires), and so much more that has made us question the very essence of our existence, it is perhaps our mental health and psychological state of being that has been affected the most.

We find that we are often competing with our own self simply to remain sane. We’re battling the voices in our hear that we wish were not ours. We whisper that we’re fine, when inside we’re bellowing that we’re not. And we realise that we need days off everything; hours to do absolutely nothing – to lie in bed staring at the ceiling,binge-watch series or movies, to walk silently along the beach, to read after going offline. We ought to give ourselves those instances to regroup, to recharge, and to relax above all. It’s an opportunity to reconsider everything we do – from the support circle around us, the social acquaintances, our relations with the ‘outside’ world, to our employment prospects, our professional ambitions, but also our personal dreams which we so often push aside.

I began writing this blog a decade ago – can you believe it’s been 10 years already? It was my way of expressing everything I cannot (or wish not) say aloud. It’s not easy for everyone to speak out and converse so easily with people. Some of us are lost in the chaos of our minds. We’ll speak to those who win our trust, who we feel comfortable and secure with; to those, we will blabber away for hours, so consider yourself lucky, for you are among the selected few. But don’t think we don’t have things to say. The pen, it is said, is often mightier than the sword. And if we can’t speak, we’ll write it.

That said, consider this in the rapid passing of time: We come into each other’s lives in a mere fragment of it. We meet each other without knowing what led the other to this moment, and (on each occasion) we are trying to catch up on the time we ‘lost’ when we did not know of each other’s existence. In an effort to replenish that time, we want to draw in as much information as possible about the other, often being subject to jealousy of the people who have managed to spend a greater period with this new person.

We have but a glimpse of our lives to set our mark on another person and ensure our role and part in their lives is maintained. In the dozens (or more) of people we meet throughout our passage, only a handful will stay long enough to see us grow, change, laugh and cry, evolve. But those are the people who matter. And it goes both ways.

So, the message I’ll close off with in this 10-year anniversary post is this: sometimes it’s good not to know where you’re going and where something you start off in a leap of faith will lead. Because you never know how wonderful or life-changing it may be.

Walking Habits

“Why do you walk so much? You cover miles each day. Don’t you get bored of it? Or tired?”

It was a question many asked. Few comprehended why he was thrilled to wake up and go for a walk to start his day.

He would stroll up hills, on beachfronts, around the city, but mainly wherever there was a view and it was quiet.

Walking helped him clear his mind. It made him zone-out of everything in his head and helped rid of the accumulated daily stress. The endorphins on the rise greatly improved his mood, and it was a perfect energy boost to the day.

For health reasons, walking is good in that it burns calories, strengthens your muscles and helps maintain a healthy weight.

But more so, by walking he discovered so many places he didn’t know about. And he learnt to pay attention to the details. To everything that make up this beautiful world we live in but hardly notice.

He usually walked and talked. It helped save time and get caught up with friends. So by the time he was back home, showered, and ready to get to work, he had already exercised and socialised simultaneously.

It’s one of those things that you won’t fully acknowledge unless you try it for yourself. That was his answer in the end.  

The problem with happiness

The problem with happiness, is that you feel it won’t last. We are too informed nowadays to know that everything can change in a split second. Your entire life can be uprooted in a single breath.

You never know what you’re going to face every morning you’re lucky to wake up. But you still need to believe that something wonderful is about to happen. Perhaps it truly works, that if you emanate positivity and optimism it will also surround you.

It is very likely that our biggest challenge is fighting our own doubts and overthinking.

Maybe it would be easier if we just let things just be. Allow life to take its course, without pressing too much for a particular outcome, without expecting too much either.

If we allow happiness to find us, it might just settle inside us too, if it finds itself welcomed.

Let’s live each day as it comes, and you never know, there may just be a pleasant surprise waiting to be revealed.

Daily snippets of motivation

“Call”. It’s as simple as that. Call to tell someone they’re in your thoughts, you miss them, you’d like to meet up soon, you love them.

“Talk”. Say what’s on your mind. Not everyone can guess it. Show you’re interested. Others long to know that there are people out there who care.

“Say good day”. It costs nothing and it can make a whole morning or entire day for any person. One random act of kindness at a time can change the world. It all starts with the slightest of gestures.

“Smile more”. Don’t sulk. Not everything is horrible in this world. Just find those little things that make it all worthwhile. Be positive even if you’re forced to see the bright side. Things will shift eventually.

“Believe”. If you try with the perspective that it will all flourish, you’re one step closer to succeeding. Just have faith that it will work out.

“Hope”. Because when all is done and lost, this is what remains. You have nothing else to lose.

“Trust yourself”. Because if you don’t, no one else will.

You’re stronger than you think. Don’t let your mind – or those sneaky voices in your head – fool you.