What are we left with in the end?

What are we left with when everything disappears? When we return to empty rooms from which people are missing? In the silence of our minds, what is the first thought that pops up?

How many truly dare to remain alone? To sit with our problems, with all the nasty scripts that our imagination plays in our heads, with our fears and concerns?

How many really have the courage to fight with our own selves and come out victorious? To convince us above all others that we are so much more than what we fear, than the very labels we place on ourselves? Perhaps it is valid that our worst enemy is our own self, and we thus often hardly desire to face them. We prefer to constantly occupy ourselves with something, with seasonal activities, with short-lived relations and activities that distract us even if only for a while.

But love and friendships come and go like the ebb and flow of tides. And we become used to it. To that lack of permanence, the absence of something with which to evolve, to change, to grow; to substantially experience every tiny or huge life moment with.

We end up convincing ourselves that we do not want much. Lest we feel pressured. Lest we become overwhelmed with too much information we cannot process. Lest we connect too deeply. Lest we feel.

We prefer to throw things out and replace them rather than fix them and enhance them.

We say we cannot manage any more. That we tried too much and grew weary. But that is not true. Because we simply want to avoid the inconvenience and challenge of getting out of that zone of complacency and comfort that we’ve created.

We live devoid of emotion and end up hardly living at all. Because we think that this is how we preserve ourselves, our personalities, and our ego.

But this is how we lose anything worth having. Anyone who could lift us up, help us develop as beings, and make us better.

We lose the game before we even play because we’re so afraid of what may happen if we do not win.

We’re too scared of getting attached that we end up alone despising our own loneliness.

If growth hurts, how are we to break our own bondage without exiting our comfort zone? Without loving, giving it all, hurting, breaking, fighting, fixing, and eventually holding on to everything that truly matters? Anything that makes us better. That which absorbs our thoughts in the morning and keeps us awake at night.

You can feel what really matters deep in your soul. It grips you.

That is how you know.

And that is what you are left with in the end.

Let’s make a pact

You know those New Year resolutions we already forget in the second week of the year? Well, what if we were consistent in keeping them? Or rather, what if we set more feasible goals that were easier and more plausible to implement?

We have this hope – or expectation if you please – that what we’re doing on the first day of the year is how we’ll spend the rest of the year too. So, we put on our most elegant clothes, choose the company of our most loved ones, and try to be as happy as possible having fun. But is that illusion realistic? That we can maintain this atmosphere and emotion all 365 days through?

Life has its ups and downs and that is a reality we cannot ignore.

Stress is inevitable, as a psychiatrist friend highlights, we’re bound to be thrown off balance, but the emotional anxiety it is accompanied with is something we can be trained to manage.

When we allow ourselves to fall into unprecedented bursts of anger it’s because we’ve been suppressing too many feelings for too long, of the sentiment that our viewpoint is not being understood no matter how hard we try to explain ourselves. Panic attacks set in because we’re not able to promptly manage the stress that surrounds us. But what if we could train our minds to be as happy, calm, and serene as on that very first day of the new year? It’s not easy. But it’s not impossible either.

When something goes wrong, we are bombarded with a myriad of thoughts, mostly negative. But what we most lament is the time we lost. We feel that we are in a constant race against time in life and when things go south it’s the first thing that comes to mind and causes additional anguish. The time we allow to pass without doing the things that help us grow, things that we enjoy, being in places that calm us, being embraced and pampered by the people we love.

When we’re having fun, we don’t pay attention to how quickly time passes. When we’re not, that’s when it becomes more obvious. Because we miss things. We miss the things that bring a smile to our face, the people who make us laugh, but most of all the person we are when we’re with them.

What if we made a resolution to be stronger this year? To tolerate more but also less, to set healthy boundaries (which is always not as easy as it sounds), to laugh more and sustain yourself as best as you can?

What if we made a pact to make the most of every single passing minute?

Plant your energy

There is an experiment simple enough that children are even taught to carry out: you take two plants and water each of them equally, but to the one you speak lovingly with kind, encouraging words, while to the other you burst out your rage, anger and hatred. You watch them grow over time and soon realise that the first one blooms into a tall, sturdy, leafy plant, while the latter steadily withers away into misery.

Humans are like that too.

The words we receive affect us in every way.

We are told to be careful of the language we use to talk to ourselves. Those deafening voices inside our head and what they tell us. We shouldn’t allow ourselves to hear things we wouldn’t even tell our enemy. That being said, we shouldn’t tolerate such negativity neither from ourselves, neither from anyone around us.

We become what we constantly tell ourselves.

But have you ever considered that no one wants to be kicked at when they’re already down? When we’re having a bad day and someone else is having a great one, the aim is not to bring the latter down, but to lift the former up.

Friends are there to raise our spirits when we ourselves can’t talk ourselves out of a bad state. They need to realise when we require a pep talk, when we call for a reality check, or simply a few words of encouragement. There are days when life seems to suck. It’s just the way it is at that moment for some. And we need to help them deal with it. Not by showcasing all their negative traits, but by pinpointing all their positive ones so that they too can see how brilliant they are regardless if it doesn’t feel so at that time. We need people who can speak highly of us even in the midst of an argument. We don’t need people around us insensitive so as not to realise when they’re causing more trouble than they’re worth, overstaying their welcome and causing problems to an already tumultuous relationship. Friends respect our choices and the people we’re with, and they tolerate them even when they don’t agree with them. We desire friends who call to check up simply for the sake of it and who can sit with us in silence just for the company.

There is a time for being criticised and one for being consoled. Our people can distinguish between the two.

You can’t feed a plant with negativity and expect it to be the joy of life.

The same is true for people.

Treat them well, and they’ll give you even more of their heart.

It all comes down to how you make them feel.

Challenging growth

©MCD

“Let’s do something exciting!” Her voice emanated the thrill and her eyes sparkled.

“But you hate heights,” he began.

“Be intrepid! If we don’t do something challenging, how will we face our fears? How will we grow?”

She was already leading him to the hang gliding centre.

It was extreme, but worth it.

Also part of Weekend Writing Prompt #159