Peace from mind

There is a concept called ‘emotional leakage’; it’s about letting your emotions overflow into your external behaviour. In simpler terms, you show exactly what you’re feeling.

Like this article notes: “For overcontrolled (OC) people who tend have a lot of impulse control, showing a flood of emotion externally and in a situation where others can see it, might be very uncomfortable or shame-provoking. Emotional leakage happens when an OC persons self-control has failed and their inner feelings are revealed and expressed more intensely than preferred. Emotional leakage isn’t a problem per se, except when it’s followed by self-criticism.”

This leakage, however, is often expressed in negative terms – in psychosomatic symptoms which our body uses to raise the alarm, to signify to us that something is wrong, that the entire system is not working properly and we need to change something.

If you think about it, when we’re happy, when we’re satisfied with work, we have a steady income, a stable life rhythm, everything seems to be going perfectly and the whole world appears wonderful in our eyes. But when an adversity strikes, when unexpectedly you’re forced to search for another way of surviving the increasing expenses and nothing seems certain, you view the world much differently and not so idyllic.

We’ve all been on both sides of this spectrum. But we tend to forget it or overlook it.

“Happiness itself is fleeting,” says Rob Dial in this fantastic podcast titled “You don’t want to be happy”.

He explains that happiness is an emotion. And just like any emotion, it will be passing and gone eventually. Emotions change. So, what we want more than happiness is peace. Because peace is a state we enter in, and it’s harder to get in and out of a state rather than in and out of an emotion.

In the moments of our greatest happiness, we’re in our moments of greatest peace. Because we’re right there in that moment, thinking of nothing else. In our highest moments in life, we are so present in them that nothing outside them exists. You’re not thinking of your to-do list or of past mistakes or future challenges. Your mind simply goes quiet. And that constant story inside your head doesn’t seem to be screaming at you. That dumb story you’re telling yourself about who you are and why you’re that way is quiet in your highest moments. You reach a state of euphoria.

We want that peace from mind. From our thoughts. From our own self.

The mind is an extraordinary organ. It tries to protect us by fast forwarding about what’s going to happen and projecting into the future – it’s how we survive. It considers potential threats in order to keep us safe. But if you manage to focus in the present moment, your mind goes quiet.

The mind is an amazing yet complex tool. But we’re not taught how to use or control it. And instead, this tool becomes the master when it’s supposed to be our servant.

We have millions of ways to distract ourselves constantly – screens of all sorts, abundant information everywhere – it all stimulates our mind and keeps us wanting more. We become addicted to the temporary high.

However, there are various techniques to help you reach that much-needed state of peace. Meditation, for example, is tyring to get you to a state where you’re free from your mind. Allow yourself to calm down. It takes time, but it’s worth it once you get there.

Mindfulness is to place yourself in situations you find peace of mind as often as possible. Focus on that very moment and disregard everything else. It will help reduce stress, lengthen attention span, maximise awareness, decrease anxiety, etc. Our mind is like a computer – in some, like myself, there are at least two browsers running with a dozen tabs open in each. At some point, it will start being held back and running slower.  We need a restart every now and again to reboot and refuel.

Fear, stress, anxiety, and worry are all programmes of the mind. We need to cultivate silence as much as possible. To silence our thoughts, place things in order, and see things a bit more clearly.

If we take things one steady step at a time, perhaps they will work out more effectively and without harming our health in the meantime.

Impossible limits

There is a magnificent quote that says that “the only place where your dream becomes impossible is in your own thinking” (Robert Schuller). Because we are only truly restrained by the limits we set in our mind. If we go beyond our limits, impossible is nothing but a word.

Life coaches often prompt you to visualise where you want to be and what you want to achieve in order to gain a clear focus of what you’re after. If you concentrate your attention on exactly what you’re seeking, it somewhat becomes easier to clear out the weed – the unwanted stuff blocking your judgement and thought – so as to realise your initial target.

It may be hard, it may require discipline, but nothing is difficult to achieve if you set your mind to it.

The best things come when we’re open to the prospect of them; when we convert our energy and attention into emitting a good vibe; that’s when we attract goodness. Because if we’re willing to try, something good will certainly be gained.

“The limits of the possible can only be defined by going beyond them into the impossible” – Arthur Clarke

Complications

Call it ‘complications’, ‘technical difficulties’, ‘unsurpassable obstacles’. For anyone in communications, it’s the simplest way of not naming a problem: just give it a vague definition.

We tend to do this with life itself. Things come our way that we do not really know how to handle or deal with – at least not at first. We find ourselves drowning in our sea of problems, of stomach-churning troubles, of migraine-inciting predicaments, we have no idea of how to solve.

Yet if we calm down just a bit; if we talk to someone just to get a clearer view, we realise that there are no real complications. In fact, we ourselves are causing the complexity to begin with.

There are only two ways to move ahead in life: you either want to or you don’t.

And the best method to decide is to listen to yourself – those body signs you often ignore: if it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not. But if you’re thinking about it so much, it probably means it also matters enough for you to go forward with it.

Whatever you do, remember this: it may be better to live with remorse than regrets, but things are just as simple as our minds allow them to be.

Everything starts and ends with a healthy mind, a healthy attitude, and a healthy mentality.

Mind games

Life, it is said, is a mind game; you’re limited only by your thoughts.

Consider this, how many times (even in a day) do you make up scenarios in your head about the development or outcome of a situation, forecasting what will happen without allowing time or evidence to play their part? How often do you jump to conclusions, lured by that pessimistic devil in your head? How soon do you judge without really knowing the facts?

We are subject to the tumultuous voices in our heads that speak only to us and highlight our greatest fears, concerns, and speculations.

We fall victim to our own overthinking. We sabotage ourselves, often out of fear that if things go too well, there is some disaster lurking in the corner.

We’re afraid of allowing ourselves to find happiness because in effect we’re led to believe that it doesn’t truly exist or that it is too rare to find.

We play mind games on our own selves. And that is the hardest thing to overcome.

True Connections

It was on a wall she found on a random shortcut she took on her way home one day. She would do that at times, follow new routes and get lost in her own neighbourhood streets. It helped clear her mind, restore rational thinking, and create new ideas. It’s worth getting lost at times. But these words sprayed with graffiti on that wall made the most sense at the time:

In a world of algorithms, hashtags, and followers, know the true importance of human connection.

Perhaps that’s what’s driving us crazy. What is holding us permanently on edge. What has caused so much irritation and agitation around us.

The fact that we’ve essentially lost the one thing that keeps us humane: our connection.

It’s something you learn along the way. That it’s not enough to rely on physical attraction alone. Or to a few light-hearted chit-chats, and small-talk at regular get-togethers. We need people to challenge our mental limits. We want to be provoked to think more, to delve deeper into discussions that matter, debates about the world we live in. Talk that goes beyond trash TV, and our routine days. We need an attraction of minds. Because when all else fails, that’s what we’re left with.

Because it’s our minds that essentially help us get through everything. It’s the most resilient organ we have. And it’s what helps us find our way home even when we’re on paths we don’t know.

Defying your mind

©Sarah Potter

There is trouble with listening to your mind. It sometimes poisons you. Because it tricks you into believing things that aren’t true. It can concoct scenarios and play them out in your head, persuading you that this is reality. And you’re trapped. You’re drowned in negative thoughts that fog your vision of what truly is.

It takes courage and practice to realise your mind is deceiving you and to react to it. Defiance is always considered a radical act. Even against your own self.

It’s not easy standing up to you. Because the most dangerous enemy you have is yourself.

Also part of Friday Fictioneers

Writing down the truths we cannot say

It is often urged as a step to healing to write down your emotions, your thoughts, everything you keep inside. It is believed that putting the thoughts inside your head on paper is actually a therapeutic form of tension release. The toxins that you keep locked inside will flow via ink on paper and relieve you from the stress.

But it is also a way of getting to terms with a truth you keep concealed even from yourself.

There are so many things going on inside our minds that we tell no one. Sometimes we don’t even admit them to ourselves.

And often that is what hurts us the most. Failure to acknowledge facts keeps our emotions perplexed and maintains our mood in a complex state.

In short, we cannot fix what we do not accept.

So we are urged to write.

We write down made-up stories to tell the truths we wish we could say out loud.

And in these, we hope to find some consolation, some relief, some healing.

Obscure emotional shadows

Emotions are like an invisible shadow that clings on to us ever since we come into this world. They serve to help us taste life to the maximum. They may enlighten us or confuse us according to the situation. But in essence, they are what makes us stand out from every other species. The fact that we can feel things, sometimes (too) deeply.

We talk of and experience emotional outbursts, because sometimes our feelings get too difficult to bear.

And we often get carried away by what we feel, that sense of excitement, the adrenaline rush, the fear even. We let our emotions dictate our actions and sometimes this results in complicated situations.

So, we are prompted to follow our heart – our feelings – but to take our brain with us. To be smart in the things we pursue and we feel we desire, but to make our decisions wisely, logically and rationally. It’s not always easy to think before you act. Because sometimes your heart pulls you faster and stronger than your mind can convince you to think. It takes you to places you shouldn’t be, places that are as exciting as perilous, ones that can cause both happiness and pain. Your heart can easily drag you into situations you cannot return from, no matter how much your brain may try to take over afterwards.

Emotions are our strongest asset but also our greatest curse.

The worst place you can be

We all hide a whirlwind of emotions inside, just waiting to be expressed. Often women more than men go through a series of alternating sentiments even during one single day. Perhaps we pay too much attention to the little things, overthink excessively and try to find connotations in every action.

The problem though lies with tolerating too much. With burying emotions inside in the hope of forgetting about them, of extinguishing their force and of somehow making things better. We all nurture that illusion that things will change without action from our part. As if magically the world will improve in the way we want it to.

There comes a time, however, when our feelings take over our reactions. Either because we are tired, hungry or simply exasperated by everything, there comes an emotional explosion that is sometimes out of character. We can’t always control what we feel. Like Elizabeth Gilbert said, “your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions”.

It is during those explosions that we need people close, no matter how far we push them away. We need to feel loved even in our toughest of times, when we are being difficult, obstinate and insecure. It is at our worst that we need the affection. To believe that it is just a phase and will pass, that we will come out stronger, and that, in the end, everything will be better than fine.

“Sometimes the worst place you can be is in your own head”.

Empty pockets and full hearts

There is a saying that being rich is not about the material things you have, but the wealth you store inside – the things that enrich your mind and spirit. As such, the more we have inside, the less we need on the outside.

In his beautiful and very inspiring book “The Richest Man of the World”, Rafael Vídac states that most of the problems in this world come from people with full pockets and empty hearts. For this reason, he has written what is described as “a complete map to follow for anyone who needs a profound change in his life” (Diana Zuluaga). He prompts readers to take steps to enrich their internal wealth, which will help in transforming them into a more dynamic person by expanding their mind.

In a page-turning story that grips you from the start, the author notes that all people go through periods of personal crisis. And these consist of five stages:

1. Ignorance – not acknowledging why you feel terrible
2. Wandering – accepting you feel bad but not knowing what you want
3. Utopia – you know what you want but don’t know how to achieve it
4. Paralysis – you know what you want and the steps to take to realise it, but you are still incapable of taking action and this causes pain and disappointment. It is scary to take hold of the realms of your life.
5. Resistances – you are able to move into action and pursue your goals, but for some reason you are unable to succeed.

At the same time, however, we are taught that there are three “laws” worth taking into account during periods of crisis:

1. No one regardless is forced to endure a difficulty that they are not capable of overcoming.
2. Every pain and effort is always rewarded and at the right time.
3. The truly important things that happen to us do so on a wise purpose that we will understand sooner or later.

“Try to believe and life will prove to you that no matter what, it will support you,” Vídac states, stressing that “life will show you the path you need to follow.”

He makes the reader open his/her eyes to things we are too busy to see. Or the ones we don’t want to.

For example:

• Material things are only the shell covering people’s feelings and thoughts.
• We tend to substitute insecurities with the need to have control.
• Control is a useful tool on condition that you do not allow it to govern you. It is impossible to control everything in life.
• You need to learn how to take steps in the dark – if you can move without any prior information, you will sharpen your senses to move on the ground on which you tread.

In this amazing and very motivating book, the reader is forced to think, to ponder on where s/he focuses their energy on a daily basis and what needs to change for a better life.

Here are some of the best messages from this must-read book:

• Our body needs vitality. The next step in achieving internal wealth is to correctly manage unpleasant emotions. When such feelings have been supressed for too long they become toxins that poison our bodies and distort the way we view the world around us.

• The problem does not lie with the unpleasant emotions per se, but in our inability to appropriately manage them. For that reason, we don’t need to eradicate them but to harness them.

• It is easy to feel angry. But few know how to appropriately manage this feeling. Anger when suppressed for a long time results in bitterness. Sorrow may turn into depression and fear into a pathological insecurity against any situation.

• The real target is not the target itself, but the person who you wish to become. The aim is for you to transform into someone who is ready to accept what s/he desires. The way you deal with circumstances must be that of a person who was already conquered his/her goals. Start to believe that you have that something you want. From that moment, you create it, by believing in it (Law of attraction).

• Never underestimate the impact of the true meaning of words. We don’t “chase” our dreams – the phrase insinuates running after something that constantly evades us.

• Possessing the necessary internal wealth allows you to hold the necessary energy and have a mind capable of concentrating.

• What we call ‘luck’ is only the final consequence of all our past actions. What you do alone does not determine your luck, but also what you feel and what you think.

• Our stance – as per our emotional or mental actions – also has a great role to play in implementing our goals. You need to believe strongly in what you want to achieve, but also be able to distance yourself from the result, whatever that may be – to accept any outcome.

• Our perceptions are packages of brain information that operate autonomously and affect our way of perceiving the world.

• No one knows you better than your own mind and that is why no one is more enticing when it wants to convince you about something.

• Focus your mind on what is happening at that moment and not on the disappointments that may never come. Worry is a mental creation born out of fear

• The person who becomes obsessed with what he is looking for cannot appreciate what he already has.

• At times, life destroys in the most painful way what matters most to us, but that only happens when we are ready to succeed in something better.

• The only limits that exist are the ones we ourselves impose.

• A flame does not stop shining because of the darkness that surrounds it.

• We should wonder if what exists in our life is what we truly want or what we fear to change.

• All of us, and each one separately, can transform into something wonderful, someone brilliant. There is no better time than now.